Getting motivation

TitansTaint · 2023-03-27T23:22:39+00:00

Understand that you matter and reconnect with yourself. Make yourself your top priority. Quit blaming and judging yourself. You've been through a lot and you're hurting really bad. Of course you're going to make mistakes. Give yourself grace, take the time and the actions that you need to get yourself to a safe and comfortable place, especially safety from and comfort with yourself. Once you're there you will find things like motivation come easily. When you put yourself first you'll find it much easier to take care of others. When you are working for yourself with your full self you won't have to force yourself to do anything. When you have yourself you can get through anything.

Love has to be grown, it's never created. It starts with understanding and acceptance. Trauma therapy really helps with that. When you understand what happened to you and accept this is where you are at you will find compassion for yourself. When you feel that compassion strongly you will want to grieve. Grief is one of our most vulnerable moments. When vulnerability is met with compassion that is how love is grown.

To love yourself you have to understand and accept yourself. You have to allow yourself to grieve freely and with no judgement or blame. You have to meet that grief with compassion and comfort. That's one of the most effective ways to build love for yourself.

Financial_Silver276 · 2023-03-27T23:23:57+00:00

I am going through the same exact thing. We are starting separation and I am seeing my whole life change. We have a 4 year old who I love so I have to stay around the area, but looking at renting a place, expenses, unwinding all our shared accounts, and then being a single dad, dating again, the embarrassment of being divorced, etc. I am so overwhelmed. I can’t say I have good advice, but I am here going through it along side you brother.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-28T12:02:17+00:00

The most liberating day of my life is when I realized no one is coming to save me.

Fear is the greatest obstacle to growth, and manifests as excuses. Fear has suppressed more people than anything ever will. Weak men fear change. Average men react to change. Strong men are the change. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Fortune always favors the bold, not the risk-averse. Our great risk in life is not that we aim too high and fail, but we aim too low and succeed in mediocrity. Risking nothing is the gravest risk of them all. Push boundaries, and take calculated, high-reward risks – even when you’re scared shitless. No one in their deathbed ever said "I'm glad I didn't take many risks in my life". Western culture has never had a greater need for risk takers and emboldened men who instinctively understand their masculine nature. Success is never a coincidence. It favors the man who radiates energy and authority, makes the world surrender to his will, and commits to becoming the best version of himself. Persistent, hard work helps you manipulate the odds. Advocate for yourself, or you’ll never get what you want. You don’t get what you don’t ask for, and you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you accept.

rrazzor · 2023-03-28T00:25:57+00:00

You’re in a tough place, but one responsibility you have is to get out of the bed every morning and function well for yourself and your kids. There is no other way. Don’t worry about finding love, if anything, it comes naturally, but don’t make that a priority. Don’t show weakness in front of the children, don’t be afraid to look into the future. I’m sure you’ve done what you could to rekindle, if that does not work, you are still there for your children, and do your best. As long as you try, they will never hate you. Stay strong 👍

ragingredditir · 2023-03-28T00:19:48+00:00

1) Yes, you will find love again. The first love you need to find is love for yourself. That will be all you need. A partner can come later, if you so choose, as long as they fit your needs and don’t disrupt your peace. You have already been married and already had kids. You have all the leverage now. NEVER alter yourself for a woman. Be the best version of yourself, know who you are, communicate it effectively and you won’t have to worry about finding external love.

2) If you lose your job you’ll get another one or find a way to work for yourself

3) It is very common for married men to struggle with friendships. Giving 100% to family and work is an easy trap to fall into. You’re now single and therefore at a great place to make friends because you have the extra time. You mentioned the gym, which is a great start. F3 nation is a men’s outdoor workout free of charge that is a great place to meet people. Order of man is a subscription based online network that is a great place to meet people. The monthly cost is equal to about 1 hour of therapy, but 10x more effective in my opinion.

My advice would be to make a calendar with her outlining what days each of you has primary custody for now. On the days she is in charge you can disappear. Go fishing, hiking, driving, shooting, whatever. Sit in a parking lot and journal. Just disappear.

I lived with my ex for months while separated. I’d get home after she was asleep, sleep in our guest bedroom and be gone before she was up. We didn’t have kids. We lived together without even having to see each other.

thrownaway41422 · 2023-03-28T03:28:39+00:00

No advice for you here but I just wanted to say thanks for writing this. It helps me when I read other men's stories that are so familiar to my own. It's nice to know I'm not the only one thag feels that eay.

funrunner1977 · 2023-03-28T11:44:59+00:00

You sound almost exactly like me, although I’m pretty sure we’ve both checked out at this point; stating together for the kids, which I’m learning mire and more as we fight is terrible for them. I want them to have a stable, loving home, and I try, Lord do I try, to keep them out of it, but their mother seems intent to drag them into everything.

The dating, or not, will come. My advice for you is to rediscover you. Who are you, with a few more years of experience under your belt? I just recently rediscovered my love for 60s/70s rock music and how it makes me happy when so much seems to be going to shit. It completely turns my mood around.

justaguywadog · 2023-03-28T04:32:44+00:00

It's so hard ugh ... dating scares me because my buddy basically told me if your a 6 you gotta settle for like a 3 ..wtf

wisstinks4 · 2023-03-28T03:25:11+00:00

I encourage you to take small simple steps and find victory in those accomplishments. For example, 1. put your shoes on and go outside tomorrow at 530p and walk 2.5 miles. 2. Go find the nice headphones and Listen to calming music. I use you tube with no commercials. I listen for an hour, then pray, meditate, write my thoughts and feelings down in a notebook for 5 minutes.

I feel better about myself after both events. You can find your thing and get back in the game. Slowly, is ok. Just do what you can. Start tomorrow.

mowakil · 2023-03-28T12:27:40+00:00

What you going through is just self-negative talk and limiting beliefs which is common after during or after divorce, a lot of men are hit with uncertainty. you can check an earlier post I made about how to overcome your limiting beliefs .

First, you have to accept the current situation and then believe that you can achieve and reach anything you want by taking actions daily.

What you going through is just self-negative talk and limiting beliefs which is common after during or after divorce, a lot of men are hit with uncertainty. you can check an earlier post I made about how to overcome your limiting beliefs.

Benzon22s · 2023-03-28T14:14:36+00:00

The whole “love yourself” is total BS and really selfishness!!! The standard therapy solution to marriage that ultimately always will end the marriage….but hate to break it to you, in a marriage you can’t be selfish, that is for the single people with no kids…anyone ask older married couples if they got there being selfish, the answer will be no…takes hard work, compromises and forgiveness….we are all human and we are not perfect ..so expecting your spouse to be what you imagined without putting out what you want ,how does that make sense ?! These therapists are wrong and they all spew the same BS ! Why? Bc divorce makes them money for more sessions, while if counsels reconcile they wouldn’t need therapy! Therapist need to be held accountable for their stupidity!

polarshred · 2023-03-29T02:47:41+00:00

1) fuck love. Forget about that shit for now.

2) stop watching porn, masturbating, and drinking alcohol. Be alone with yourself.

You'll come around brother. Hang in there.

Title	Getting motivation
Author	VintageWinter01
Upvotes	9
Comments	26
Date	March 27, 2023 10:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1242exf/getting_motivation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/getting-motivation.1207733 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207733

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