Home Equity

Current_Celery_9106 · 2026-07-09T00:42:28+00:00

From a financial standpoint how is the money constructed? Is it pre tax or post tax?

How much do you owe on the house?

Seems like a no brainer for you to buy out your part of the house and keep the 401k

Unusual_University14 · 2026-07-07T13:01:29+00:00

I suppose the big question is how many years until the youngest moves out? You say graduates, but it's not atypical for 18 year olds to stay at home for awhile. Short term, maybe. But then you run the risk of the housing market falling over too. A year or two, sure maybe, 10 years, less so.

She could do a HELOC to pay you out too.

someonesomewherex · 2026-07-07T02:26:44+00:00

Don’t do it!

You two are amicable right now, but things change. Just settle the divorce affairs and move on. Don’t leave yourself entangled with your ex-wife’s finances. There are 100 ways this could go south for you and only a couple of ways you turn out ok. If you are ever wondering if something is fair, just reverse the situation. Would she be ok with you staying in the home and her moving out? I don’t think she would.

No-Masterpiece-6432 · 2026-07-07T00:22:56+00:00

This seems good in theory but convoluted af. Why wouldnt you have a clean slate, sell the house is best unless one side can buy the other out. split the equity and buy what you can afford. then gift that to your child. Cut ties with her, it ties up your name to the house and places alot of trust in unknowns. i kept the house and have loans up the wazoo. if my house of cards fall, i sell and count my losses. i did an assumption of the mortgage that she agreed to because i bought her out. she didnt trust me so it was all done through lawyers. got her name off the deed and loan but kept the low rates from covid days. i still have lots of repairs and got the loan from family and an advance of an inheritance from mom. divorce is horrible but kudos to your theory, it would work but you take all the risks.

Recent_Impress_3618 · 2026-07-06T21:19:03+00:00

I’m in the same boat, she wants to stay in the family home, she can’t afford to take on the mortgage. She wants me to pay the mortgage and give her my share of the equity in full.

She’s digging in but is totally wasting her time, she’s going to be disappointed. It’s a tough world out there as she’s going to find out.

jeff77k · 2026-07-06T20:09:17+00:00

Can she take my out a second mortgage to buy you out? Can you come to an agreement on alimony reduction to reduce your equity share? Combine that with a partial 401k reduction on her part?

The good thing is that you two are amicable, do everything you can to keep it that way!

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-07-06T17:54:02+00:00

How about YOU stay in the house and SHE leaves.

shell_shocked_today · 2026-07-06T17:23:18+00:00

That's the agreement I have with my ex - with me staying in the house. The youngest graduated this year, and i'm getting ready to get the house on the market.

Guru_of_Glaze · 2026-07-06T17:18:10+00:00

I did this. By agreeing to stay on the mortgage for a couple of years until our kid finishes school, I received her agreement to waive all spousal support. It's a much better financial arrangement for me and keeps her in the house with our kid. All drafted by our attorneys and formalized in the PSA.

Don't listen to people who tell you it's not possible, or not a good idea. You know your situation best. It can be done if you both agree to it.

notconvinced780 · 2026-07-06T16:53:50+00:00

This will be a complication and entanglement that WILL become a problem later on. You will remain on the mortgage (unless she can qualify for an assignment and her lender offers it in cases of divorce). This means that obligation may prevent you from qualifying for a mortgage yourself as that debt will count 100% (not proportionally) against your debt to income calculation. If she takes the reduction inn401K, that will likely be offset by an increase in equity in the house asset and the tax advantage of deductible mortgage interest which she can then invest.

As an alternative, If she doesn’t want to give YOU the offset in the 401K to buy you out, offer her the flip: you keep the house (as I presume you will have 50/50 custody) and give her the 401K proportion to offset 50% of the home equity? A good test for if a deal is fair is if you are willing to take either side. Same would go for her.

HistoricalRich280 · 2026-07-06T16:42:19+00:00

Yes, that is possible. Only recommended if you are splitting somewhat amicably as it will financially tie you to her and will make it harder to move forward

gtclemson · 2026-07-06T16:10:47+00:00

What if she doesn't take care of the house and the equity disappears.

Sell it or have her buy you out.

SeaweedWeird7705 · 2026-07-06T15:43:16+00:00

Yes this is possible. It is called “Deferred Sale of family home”. You can Google it. You would need a lawyer to draft the paperwork.

You need to think through a few things. Who is responsible for paying the mortgage? Who pays for major repairs (roof, furnace etc)? If she is supposed to pay the mortgage, what happens if she misses a payment? Plus, you need to be ok with her dating and bringing a new man into the house.

Or she can buy you out.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-07-06T15:30:09+00:00

Here’s the deal.

She has to refi, assume the mortgage, take a HELOC, get money from her parents, or pay you with money from her portion of the 401k.

Because when you’re on the mortgage, good luck getting your own place. Good luck when she misses a payment.

And, how are you going to feel when she moves a new dude in?

If you’re getting divorced, then get divorced and several all ties. Anything short of that is just silly.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-07-06T15:16:55+00:00

I refinanced to buy my wife out of her portion after agreeing on an amount. Is that an option for her? That will give you money to buy a place of your own, as it did for my wife. Be weary of the 401k offset, if you need or want that money, you will have to pay penalties and early withdrawals.

Title	Home Equity
Author	itsmyotherredditname
Upvotes	6
Comments	38
Date	July 6, 2026 2:18 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1uoyoth/home_equity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/home-equity.1584382 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584382

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