How much did it really cost you?

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-05T23:12:25+00:00

The divorce itself, the cost?

Not bad, I guess. Our assets/debts roughly were:

35k Equity in our house

35k in purses/jewelry/collecitbles/etc we had bought her over the years

24k in Marital Debt

10k left of her 23k debt she came into marriage

and the 20k she took out of joint account after she cheated.

She never worked during the marriage, and I was making 115k at the time. No kids, married almost 7 years. However, my state has rules barring Alimony for cheating.

If we went to court and fought about it, the likely outcome would be We split the equity, the personal property, and the debt, she owes me 10k she took out, and keeps her 10k in debt. This would led to either: Liquidate everything, get 70k, split it 35k each, she then gives me the 10k she owes, giving me 45k and her 25k, then we each pay 12k in debt, leaving me walking away with 33k, and her walking away with 3k, or me keeping the house plus paying 2k out of pocket.

However, the debt was all in my name, the house was in both our names, so if I didn't go to court she could leave me with all 24k debt, i get nothing back she stole, she keeps her 10k in debt, and she forces me to sell the house and split it, which would leave me at -7k and her at 7k, then we'd fight over the 35k in personal property. (She believed as it was all stuff for her, it all hers. She didn't believe that the debt, which was also all for her, she owed any part of).

Trial wouldn't be a slam dunk, as I'd have to prove cheating, which is hard to do for court standards. While reasonable know multiple pictures at bars, dancing in clubs, on dates, and in motel rooms means they're fucking, that won't prove it in court.

So, we settled on: On Keep the house with 35k equity, she gets to keep the 35k in personal property, I forget about the 10k she owes me from stealing, and then we each keep our debt, so I had the house, but also had to pay the bills on 24k in debt. She got to walk away with 25k.

So, at court, best case would be 33k for me, 3k for her. We settled on 11k for me, 25k for her. On the plus side, the house has gone up since then by about 40k, so it's made me more over the past two years in the long run, but it was hard to pay those debts off (just did las month, almost two full years).

Though, if we want to look at assets pre marriage, I came in with zero debt and 118k. She came in with 0 money and 23k debt. At the end, I had about 11k in assets, and she had 25k in assets. So it benefited her more for sure. And you can bet we spent pretty much every dime during the marriage on her. I didn't buy a single new suit the entire time we were married.

whiskey_piker · 2024-06-05T18:02:08+00:00

You have built yourself a real mess. What leads you to continue to avoid getting actual legal help?

AxeMcFlow · 2024-06-05T17:51:34+00:00

Split the assets 50:50, and split the net income 50:50 too. I make 90% of the gross income. I pay her for 11 years, and it goes down by 40% if she remarries / common law. Child support ends if either kid goes to university and doesn’t live at home - this is another 3-5 years.

All in? I’m about $2-m in total payments, plus whatever the 50:50 asset split was. All things considered… worth every penny

Doubledolla · 2024-06-05T16:47:04+00:00

My dude..... what she wants vs what she is entitled to are 2 totally different things. Educate yourself on your state laws regarding this. Usually 50/50 of current assets and debts. That would also include that loan that you just took out, she's 50% liable for that debt as well. You're in a much better position than you think. Really comes down to can you be a 50% provider for care of your children. That will determine a lot on how much $ you will have to pay for child support. Good luck. Be a great father. That's worth more than all the $

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-06-05T16:11:07+00:00

$17k in legal fees, my guess is she spent about $25k.

50/50 custody. No child support or alimony, we both had roughly the same income.

Financially I walked away in great shape, half of everything we had accrued during the 5 year marriage. My cash flow is excellent now that there aren’t 6 Amazon packages on my doorstep on a daily basis and I don’t need to travel overseas on vacation whenever she has a bout of depression.

Any-Div-6055 · 2024-06-05T15:42:58+00:00

Nah, that's crazy. 90% is way too high unless it includes an alimony buyout or she has pre-marital money in it.

Costs are going to be bad.

Some of my costs (my side alone):
Lost equity: $200k
Lost deferred comp: $40k
Lawyer fees: $30k
RSUs: $50k

I hit a cash crunch mid divorce. She moved out. So I was paying for the mortgage alone. My lawyer seemed to magically hit $2000 in fees per month like clockwork. I put it on cards for about six months. My credit rating dropped from 830 to 700. I knew I was in trouble so I ran (not walked) down to the credit union and got a signature loan at an amazing 4.8%. I lucked out somehow. <- you may want to keep this in mind.

I paid off the cards. Then I filled them right back up. I never missed a payment. But the credit bureaus (fuck them all) dropped me into the low 600s. I sold some RSUs to dig myself back out. The sale was coordinated with her. We both needed the cash.

Most of my retirement is in a pension. And I kept that. And I bought out of alimony. I couldn't stand the idea of paying her $2500 each month indefinitely.

I paid everything off once the house sold. My credit rating popped up 100 points. Then it settled 815 and has been steady.

If your divorce is anything like mine, it's going to be dark times for a while. You'll survive it. But it will get depressing. KEEP GOING. Everyone has a different poker hand. Do not compare yourself to others. This is super counter productive. Comparison is the theft of joy. You're going to hear a lot from people who are better off than you. And the people worse off are going to be mum. So don't poll too much. Do the best you can do.

Edit:typo

jimsmythee · 2024-06-05T15:14:07+00:00

I made out like a bandit in my divorce. Not going to lie.

11 year marriage in AZ, 2 daughters under 10. House is my separate and sole property. Solid middle class wage earner (me) and she was a chronically unemployable pill popper that refused to work.

She wanted 50% of my take home pay in alimony. Plus full custody of the kids to maximize CS $'s. Plus 50% of the equity in my house and 50% of my 401k. Plus for me to pay $500/month to get her a private health insurance plan to continue doctor shopping. Plus 50% of the equity in my car, but the loan to buy the car was "all on Jim". And the cherry on top? She put her recent DUI fines of $7500 as a marital debt, because we were married when she got the DUI.

All told, it was more than I make. Her reply? She told me to get a second job because I would have so much free time because the kids would be with her full time. Mediation went nowhere.

I spent $5000 in going to trial for my lawyer. She spent $5000 for her lawyer.

She got $0 alimony and I got 50/50 custody. I kept my house and my car. She got 50% of my 401k and I had to pay $3000 of her lawyers fees. That was it

It was worth every penny. The savings in alimony alone? Paid for all of the lawyers fees in a short time.

HerbEverstanks · 2024-06-05T12:42:56+00:00

Married just short if 10 years. Filed in 2020. 10 months of status quo about $2800 to $3000 a month.

"Temp judgement" $5200 a month. I pay car insurance, medical insurance, and phone bill. "Temp judgement" lasts 2.5 years.

Final judgement $4800/mo for 5 more years. I was awarded 0% in the house I paid the mortgage for. She probably put about $1000 total for the mortgage for 5 years.

In total, 8.5 years of payments, including me being ordered to pay one of her lawyers $20k. I've paid my lawyer over $115k. Lost equity/sale of house, probably over $1 million in total.

I'm not done yet. After 3.5 years of "court" she isn't following the final judgement so there will be more lawyer bills.

Her job pays $0/ mo. There are no children. All spousal "support".

ZookeepergameKey5526 · 2024-06-05T12:28:22+00:00

it varies state by state, but nearly 3 years post divorce, here are my numbers...

2021: at time of divorce, due to work, i was not able to have hardly any physical custody of my kids due to being gone most of the time. she was a SAHM that refused to work.
- my income: 84k/year
- her income: 0k/year
- alimony was $2100/month
- child support was $1416/month

2022:
- my income was $104k/year.
- her income was ~50k/year.
- child support remained at $1416/month.
- alimony remained same at $2100/month.

2023: big year for me... i tried getting 50/50 custody. but was threatened with a lengthy court process. settled for 35/65 custody to get a consistent schedule with my kids ASAP. took about 3 months for court process to go through from file to closure.
- my income: 116k/year.
- her income ~70k/year.
- child support: $581/month.
- alimony: $2100/month.

she also get 50% of equity from when we sold our house, she didn't work the entire time we were married: $62k

total money she recieved as of today (3 years post divorce): $168,527.

things to note:
1) alimony doesn't change in the state i reside, but it does have an end date (later this year)
2) child support can change with income changes, and also includes the alimony she recieves as income.

was it worth it? my ideations of self harm and suicide went away almost immediately when i filed for divorce. i can now spend my time with my kids however i want, i've done so much stuff with them this past year even with only having 35% custody. am i lonely? sometimes. but i have no desire to get in another relationship yet, plus i can do whatever i want whenever i want when I don't have my kids.

with that being said, it was difficult mentally and financially. a lot of feelings of regret and "what ifs". it took me nearly two years to heal mentally from the relationship (even went to a counselor for guidance, which was a tremendous help).

0neMinute · 2024-06-05T12:21:36+00:00

Listen to your lawyer and stop working OT if he agrees, that OT is going to be counted as normal income.

Title	How much did it really cost you?
Author	sageme64
Upvotes	3
Comments	35
Date	June 5, 2024 12:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d8crcr/how_much_did_it_really_cost_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-much-did-it-really-cost-you.1520595 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520595

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