How to let go

plan_went_sour · 2025-07-27T01:16:13+00:00

I feel for you and am going through the same thing but have been separated for almost a year and am doing better.

You have to understand that we men suffer differently in a divorce, women separate and get married while they are still living with you and usually keep "a facade" up... For us it is usually much more unexpected and we don't understand how our wife can hate us from one day to the next... Family, loyalty and keeping our word are also very important to us... Which is why we like to blame ourselves for the separation, feel guilty and are ashamed that we didn't keep our marital promise.

In 99.9% of cases, your ex will not come back no matter what you do or not, even then you would have to want it too, i.e. your marriage has failed, you are a pale memory for your ex and your family no longer exists and never will.... Come to terms with it, you can't change it.

Focus on yourself and your children... Do things that are good for you, meet old friends, do something with the kids, etc

Yes it hurts, yes it hurts for a long time but you will feel better, that's for sure.

Stay strong, you are not alone 💪🏼

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-07-26T18:25:01+00:00

Sorry to hear your pain, divorce can be emotionally brutal and painful. I would highly recommend a therapist or male divorce coach. You really need to go through some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), it would be very helpful. I wish you the best.

OverCut8474 · 2025-07-24T00:14:07+00:00

Commit to moving on.

Emotionally sanitise your space. Take everything that reminds you of her emotionally and get it out of the place. At least put it where you can’t see it.

Get out and start dating again as soon as you can. Get on the apps. You can’t replace anyone, but you can replace a lot of the things you got from that person.

Go to the gym or train at home.

Go out with friends.

It’s over. Start acting like it is. Don’t wallow in memories and regret. That’s the past. Look to the future.

It will get better, trust me.

brettholz15 · 2025-07-23T20:34:12+00:00

I prayed for you OP. I’m 31 as well. Went through a divorce 4 years ago. No kids on my end, but the road will not be easy.

crayzeejew · 2025-07-23T18:14:46+00:00

You need to allow yourself the space to go through all the stages of grief for your relationship.

Be patient, and kind to yourself until you come to acceptance.

devils_advocate24 · 2025-07-23T11:28:35+00:00

Going through the same situation. Except married for 12. It's hard man. There's never been anything like it. It's almost ended me these past few months. Don't give up on yourself

wallydog71 · 2025-07-23T00:28:38+00:00

I'm going through it, too. 2 months now, and she wants a divorce. All I do is think of her. i have our kids she at her mom's it tuff, but you have to start working on yourself and try to block out that stuff. Stay busy. Don't let your mind wander it hard work, and it gets easier, but i don't think it will ever go anytime soon. Just day for day, stay strong. You got this

redditrock56 · 2025-07-22T21:03:57+00:00

Best cure for letting go is reminding yourself that she's getting piped by some jobless loser while you are sitting around thinking about her.

Tinder, her friends setting her up with dudes and enabling her, some random guy at a bar that she'll blow in a parking lot: that shit happens all the time. "Your" chick is involved with any or all of that behavior.

"She was never yours it was just your turn".

Fyfel · 2025-07-22T21:03:34+00:00

It’s gets better in time but you just have to go through the process to get there one day at a time, sometimes just one evening, afternoon or even one hour at a time. But know it will get better.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2025-07-22T18:09:13+00:00

It gets better but not less lonely. That part is the hardest to fix

Andrew_D_1234 · 2025-07-22T17:10:07+00:00

It's definitely an adjustment. You have to focus on you and your kids. Depending on why the marriage ended.. but regardless, still need to focus on you and supporting your kids the best you can. Stay busy, stay occupied with something..anything. it helps. Support groups or friends help also. Good luck!

playerknowmore · 2025-07-22T15:58:43+00:00

Dude, choose you! Only a fool loves someone else more than themselves. Only love someone as much as they add to your life. Someone who doesn't want to be with you cannot add value to your life.

Overall-Passion-7374 · 2025-07-22T15:31:40+00:00

My cynical self thinks it doesn’t get better you just go colder, more numb. Three years divorced - not sure how long but best way is — straight through this fucking awful hell you’re experiencing? Great now I have to deal with protecting my kids — when they’re not with me half the time.

Work that therapy, unless therapist sucks you’ll benefit from being open and honest. Fortunately I had a trusted one for eight years prior.

whoisgodiam · 2025-07-22T15:10:23+00:00

Get a fresh 20 year old. Never marry again.

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-07-22T15:05:04+00:00

I’m going through it as well. She told me a year ago, she wanted a divorce no therapy, 100% final. I didn’t see any signs of it coming. 18 years together, 3 kids and I’m starting over at 45 it feels like.

It’s painful, and I wish her lack of about caring out me and just divorcing without any indications we have issues to work on.

I just moved into a small apartment 2 weeks ago, then got terminated from my job.

Life hurls shit at you and we just need to figured it out. I have a psychiatrist who has helped with some meds to manage the depression and anxiety better, as being present for my kids is my main priority, while trying to work on myself. I’m seeing a therapist for the first time next week. I’m hoping that helps.

But ya, the pain is indescribable. You’re not alone though. You marry someone you assume it’s your partner for life, and then things can change on a dime. People often stop trying to make things work nowadays and just hit reset. We unfortunately live in a Pro Divorce society, especially from a woman’s perspective. My ex was showing me all these tik toks that she admits influenced her. All these tik toks were just like ‘not happy? Start over. You’re a strong woman who can do it all, and get the freedom you deserve’.

Marriage isn’t the sacred thing it was sold to be.. it’s changed alot over the years, for the worse imo

Title	How to let go
Author	Economy_Plan4976
Upvotes	8
Comments	29
Date	July 22, 2025 2:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1m6g1rw/how_to_let_go/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-let-go.1557800 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557800

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