How to proceed?

GunnarReade · 2026-07-18T22:28:24+00:00

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

Most of the comments here are helpful and correct, IMO.

I'm in alignment with moving on. It worked for me.

A better life awaits you. You're much closer to it than you think.

VastEnvironmental658 · 2026-07-18T21:10:07+00:00

Modern day women are too big on social media, seeing all these things they want/think they should have. It’s a cancer.

hotantipasta · 2026-07-18T18:24:54+00:00

It takes two people to save a marriage. It doesn’t sound like she’s interested.

OkJaguar5013 · 2026-07-18T04:20:55+00:00

I was blinded sided as well. I asked her 3 times when she dropped the news on me a random Thursday close to thanksgiving. I had just gotten in a car accident and someone hit me totaling my car and my mother was hospitalized due to a stroke the week she told me. 😂😂 when it rains it pours, No arguments or anything. She ended up monkey branching and spent Christmas with another man about a month later.

Anyways, the preface is just to say that I’m grateful I can say I had dignity during the split/divorce. It feels good 8 months later and now officially divorced. I asked her 3 times that evening about working on the relationship. She told me she loved me and I was the best thing that happened to her but she didn’t see a future and needed to move on. It was like divorce beetlejuice and that was all I needed to hear. We didn’t have a house but basically packed my bags and left. Next day she told me she had so much to say but her thoughts and feelings were no longer any of my business. You talk about things before you make a decision like that, I didn’t need to hear any of it and even that evening after a long day at work, it just sounded like bullshit. My personal advice would be to just accept it. I understand the urge to not want to separate. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her but from what I’ve read and seen, it doesn’t really ever seem to work too well for the guys that chase. That pain can be a gift if used properly. No boozing. Channel that towards goals and health. 39 and in the best shape of my life. Paying my debts and living a simple life to build for myself. I still have episode of pain but not so much sadness. Mostly on how I failed myself in so many ways and wasted 18.5 years of my life. Why would I allow her to waste any more? Anyways, God bless you. I’m truly sorry to hear you’re experiencing this but keep your head up and walk the path forward. Wherever that may lead you. Pray if you need guidance. Reach out if you need or post here. This was my favorite place to get some great and sounds advice and direction.

Routine_Bee9663 · 2026-07-18T03:15:56+00:00

There’s someone else. I know that’s not the answer you want to hear. And she’ll deny it. But there’s someone else

MWaiDz · 2026-07-18T03:07:06+00:00

I feel like there’s this huge push coming from I don’t know where nowadays where it’s okay for women to just completely write off their partners with no explanation under the guise of “I’m a strong woman I don’t need to put up with _____” with no communication about it whatsoever.

mistake-number2 · 2026-07-18T02:56:08+00:00

Your not gonna get straight answers. If she brings up stuff you can easily debunk, then she is projecting. But at this stage, it may not be worth it. Give it time. It took me 2 years fo get an answer and it was somewhat correct but still some made up.

Fan_of_Sanity · 2026-07-18T02:31:48+00:00

Welcome to the club.

It’s a shitty club to belong to, but you’re not alone; countless men have been blindsided like this. I’m one of them.

I only briefly put up a defense when my wife wife told me. For a few days I encouraged her to consider other options, then I accepted that the marriage was over.

Because one thing I know about women—taught to me, funnily enough, by my STBX years ago—is that when a woman’s done, she’s done. They almost never change their mind.

I also didn’t spend any time asking why she made this choice. I just don’t have the energy to do a postmortem on the marriage. I guess I should want to so that maybe I can avoid repeating my mistakes in future relationships, but I think ultimately the key is for me to pick partners whose personalities are more aligned with mine.

bluemarble-spaceship · 2026-07-18T01:30:25+00:00

I think you know the answer just accept it's done. this is modern day feminism. Look at society overall...they said by 2030 almost 50% of women between the ages of 25 and 45 will be childless. Women don't want families the way they used to HAVE TO. I say have to because 1940s women needed a man to survive, fast forward to 1970's no fault divorce laws a woman can leave for ANY reason, and are usually rewarded. Now I'm not saying people should 100% of the time be forced to stay in a marriage in certain situations. However wants the point of marriage if you can end it for ANY reason? It makes no logic sense from whomever is the bread winner standpoint. I would argue the family unit is the bedrock of any nation, because it's well documented kids do better in two parent households where it's mom and dad. Not many kids are getting this anymore. Throw in the fact that maybe in 10 years their be AI sex robots the human population will drop crazy I think. It's like dystopian future novel and a lot of those types of books from the past are playing out today like Orwell 1984.

Sorry to go on a little rant there, but I'm older almost 50 divorced a couple times, been around the block and back with women over my life. Technically going through my 3rd divorce. Sometimes I don't count my first divorce because I was young and dumb, but one thing all my divorces had in common was THEY LEFT ME. So yeah maybe it's me and I'm that horrible of a dude and I don't know it. However the other thing they all hand in common was their reasoning. When you boiled it all down in the end it came down to something went wrong in the relationship, they were concerned and tried to hint around to me for years, when I didn't get their hints by the time they communicated the issue to me directly they were already done. How do you have a relationship with that? Because given enough span of time I will mess up, that's a fact, so I guess the answer is don't do relationships or at least don't fall in love. That is until the AI sex robots become available and than we will have a partner for life that will be so human like our dumb monkey brains won't care it's not REALLY a human and we will be falling in love with machines. To anyone who reads this whole post just know I didn't mean to type this much...

Glittering_Lab_6271 · 2026-07-18T01:10:43+00:00

Man I went through this exact thing after a 26 year marriage and am now being ghosted like I’m some kind of abuser. Even if she does tell you it probably won’t be the whole truth so my advice is to not waste your time.

Here is the kicker..once you stop asking/pursuing she will probably be reaching out wanting to tell you what you want to know. That seems to be the way shit works with difficult women. Best of luck to you man. Hang tough.

probebeta · 2026-07-17T23:40:48+00:00

I honestly wouldn't worry about saving my mental state only, and I do understand that's also very important. Protect yourself, your assets, and plan for the worst and hope for the best on getting out of this legally as quickly as possible. Having those talks is pointless, you already know what's going on, avoid any sort of escalation as that can create other problems. My 2c

Regular-Bat-4449 · 2026-07-17T23:09:28+00:00

If she has a new guy, she's had him a while and just made the decision to monkey branch.

She is no longer your wife, she's your adversary and you need a lawyer. Start protecting assets and all communication goes through your attorney

The_Okay_Baboo · 2026-07-17T21:44:20+00:00

She doesn't want to talk about the new relationship. Soon, embarrassment will turn to anger so that she doesn't have to be the bad guy in her own head. Lawyer up and move forward. She's gone. This is unfortunately a very common pattern these days.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-07-17T21:41:48+00:00

If you don't have kids, consider this a gift. You WILL get over this.

Anxious-One-2365 · 2026-07-17T21:27:26+00:00

Sorry my friend. She is gone and she most likely already has a side piece going. If you own a house, condo, etc, move back in, if you moved out. Force her hand to move as she is asking for the divorce not you. You have every right to live there until the court orders otherwise. Lawyer up and fight for every last thing in negotiations.

Strict_Magician_2796 · 2026-07-17T21:27:24+00:00

Let it go, you had your time with her and now unfortunately it's someone elses time.

The only path is acceptance and self improvement.

Be strong, you got this friend.

Awkward_Living_2070 · 2026-07-17T21:17:00+00:00

Do you live together, do you have children, how long have you been married ? Either way what you need to do is take control of the situation and not be a passenger. It's going to be incredibly painful, but you need to try and get her to see a marriage councillor so you can get to the bottom of things in a safe space. I would also start to focus on yourself now and prepare for the worst. Good luck.

Title	How to proceed?
Author	ramcphai
Upvotes	7
Comments	21
Date	July 17, 2026 9:04 PM UTC (2 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1uzc646/how_to_proceed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-proceed.1585290 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585290

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