It's been well over 4 years since I got divorced.

I remember feeling absolutely miserable due to feeling blindsided by divorce and other details that honestly I see little point in even talking about.

My ex-wife and I have become best friends again over the past 2 years. But, that's not what brought me peace. It was me becoming a man that, more and more over time, I'm happy to be around. I became more loving, caring, understanding.

Beforehand, I was very blind to how emotionally abusive I was. I genuinely believed I was innocent and wasn't doing anything wrong. I thought my wife was being harsh and cold to me.

Her being the "offender" was all a lie I bought into, based on the way I was conditioned growing up. I just never realized it because the "training" was so strong.

I would play the victim card way too frequently in our marriage. I was lost and confused. I was run by emotions and was incredibly selfish. But, I genuinely believed I was innocent even though I gave my wife pure misery. She tried to tell me as best as she could. I just didn't listen to her.

I destroyed the marriage over many years. To me, it's irrelevant what she did because what I did was grade A awful.

So, she was right to divorce me. But, back then, there was ZERO way you could convince me because I was so stuck in my head.

I didn't empathize with her enough. I wasn't there for her enough. I sucked LOL.

Heck, looking back at things, me being blindsided by divorce shows me just how little attention I paid to her in our marriage. I placed incredibly little effort towards her. I'm honestly shocked by it now. But, my goodness, that's so tragic for her. It's no wonder she didn't feel loved by me (to say the least).

When I realized just how crummy I really was, by my own values and beliefs, I realized I had to change. So, that's what I've been doing. Taking accountability for my crummy behavior, doing what I can to make our lives more peaceful, and voila I created the very peace I was looking for. These days, we have a lot of fun together that's just so peaceful.

Feels right.

Looking back at the whole journey so far, I only really needed to make a few changes in me to have massive impacts over time. So, I share these with you in the hopes it helps you all navigate one of the most stressful experiences people can face.

1) Seek to understand the other person's perspective 100% (basically, empathy)

2) Never ever play the victim card -> Take accountability for crappy actions and seek to focus on what you can control even when life feels out of control

3) Focus on growing yourself by seeking to align yourself more with the values you live by

That's the best I can distill things down in a post! I hope it helps you all in some capacity!