I had a short marriage that was actually pretty good. I thought. In hindsight and by having discussions with others I am slowly realizing that my wife was fairly controlling and manipulative. We divorced because she believed I was drinking behind her back and I was not. I was drinking non alcoholic beer that got wrung up wrong. She requested the bill and the next thing I know I was locked out of the house, she moved in with her parents (made me essentially homeless and left our home vacant), and went completely no contact. We had never even talked about divorce. We argued about alcohol a bit but there was never any abuse, dwi, belligerence, or anything like that. Just a normal dude that watches football or golfs and has a few beers. I wanted reconciliation for quite awhile and part of me still does. I almost feel sorry for her and I don't know why. It's such a bizarre situation that I worry about what on earth she could be thinking but at this point I have to press forward. The divorce should be finalized by the end of the year.

She knew I drank before the marriage and it wasn't really an issue but now that she has given me time to think I see what she was doing. It started with isolating me from my friends. I couldn't go to a sports bar or anything of that nature because she didn't want me around alcohol. She got progressively more weird about alcohol throughout the marriage to the point she would show up at a friends house if she knew I was there and then get mad if I was having a beer and watching football with them. I just quit going. My friends and family now refer to the famous beer calendar that has become something of legend. She made a calendar months in advance and detailed the days I could drink (think golf tournament) and how many I could have on that day. She claimed it was her way of compromising because she didn't want me to resent her. I realize now this was just a way to control me. By the end of the marriage she wanted me to go completely sober and I finally agreed. I went about three months without any alcohol then she got the bill and thought I was drinking behind her back. There was no conversation about this. Straight to divorce. She is *extremely* close with her family. I thought this was a good thing at first but now I realize it was probably part of the downfall. The month leading up to the divorce she spent almost every evening with her mother or "working late". I assume she was plotting the escape.

It sucks because I made a lot of life changes for her. I spent a lot of time supporting her hobby. Working on her parents farm. Spending most of our social time with her parents. You name it, I did it. She doesn't really have any friends so most of our time was spent with her family or stuff with the church. I cooked every meal (she couldn't cook), did most of the cleaning and feel like I held up my end of the deal.

The funniest thing is now I don't even drink because I've been hyper focused on health. I was in pretty good shape during the marriage but now I'm down about 30 pounds and running/lifting more than I ever have. I have about 10 pounds to lose and I'll be in a great body fat percentage for my height. I'm in my mid 30's and starting over sounds awful but I don't think I really have a choice. I have no children and have always wanted a family. I do regret drinking but part of me thinks she would have just found another reason or her mother would have bothered her until she finally broke again. What I've been told at this point is she regrets it and waivered on it. I can only assume she thinks she done too much damage to fix it or her parents are pushing her through with it. Anyway, this is just a rant but I'm also looking for perspectives on the situation. Thanks all.