If or when is the time for divorce?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-31T23:16:39+00:00

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance, which results in resentment by both parties.

Women don’t divorce men they admire and look up to. They leave men that become a plow horse to them. The point of marriage isn’t to endure it. There is no prize for making a miserable marriage last a long time. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership cemented by attraction, affection, respect and love that you enter into to make it easier for both of you get through life together. It’s like you become a team of horses, and you both help pull the wagon, and it’s easier with two than with one. But being yoked in a team with a partner that isn’t pulling is worse than having no partner at all. Sometimes you have to give up on her. Not because you don’t care, but because she doesn’t.

Ok_Statement996 · 2023-01-01T04:08:53+00:00

I'm literally on the verge of tears reading this of all the things she said to you.

My wife has done the same thing:

What tipped me over the edge was her saying yesterday: I just stay with you now because it's easier with 2 incomes.

I am far from perfect, I don't listen when I need to, I work really hard at a job making good money, I rarely work more than 45 hours a week, I work extra on the weekends where possible so we don't have to be so broke all the time. Her family motto is "But it was on sale." Spend like she's in Congress and I feel pot committed (poker term), like I've already spent this much time that I need to see it through.

I'm genuinely not happy, she says emotionally abusive stuff to me and says multiple times in a week she leave me or divorce me.

What stinks is I love her family (her whole is amazing, salt of the Earth good people). She is always mad at the world whether it's someone who did something in traffic, to her job that she hates all of them.

I'm a Christian and divorce has always been in my family.

I don't know what to do.

DocHolliday80 · 2023-01-01T11:56:05+00:00

Friend, it could be me who wrote this one year ago. I have the advantage that I don’t have kids. My life was just like that almost during all my marriage. We were together since I was 29 to 42 years old, and married since 34. She had always had a bad temper, but I was so deeply in love with her that I tolerated it. The year before our wedding, she started to be abusive, I thought it was due to stress for setting up the wedding and I just didn’t engage in arguments and fights. But this kind of behavior continued on after the wedding (I remember her yelling at me about some nonsense when we were flying to our honeymoon destination, on board a plane full of other passengers the day after the wedding). It even got worse the first 6 months, and got a little better then for a short period of time. Then again, she began to be more abusive, and to say things like the ones you posted and that she was not happy with me and that she wanted to live life (maybe I should suspect an affair??)… , and after several years, we separated this year and our divorce will be final in a matter of days. Now I am not fully happy with my situation, I am alone, feel bad some days,… but most days are good and at least I don’t get yelled at every minute and no longer walk on eggshells. The conclusion I have to this is that if had divorced in the awful 6 first months of my marriage, I would not have suffered 8 years of abuse.

jasoncb123 · 2023-01-01T16:33:08+00:00

Go File. Proves that you aren’t useless after all, and you’re wish has been granted.

captainchippsixx · 2023-01-01T17:11:50+00:00

Why don’t you try counseling first for yourself and work on getting your head in a good place.

She is a piece of shit just so you know. Waiting to divorce is always the wrong move. The longer you stay the longer she can drain you money and energy.

JustAnotherBoomer · 2023-01-01T17:22:58+00:00

Were we not married but I left the only woman I ever loved. We we living together. When we were breaking up at last she said "I know a lot has been said" She knew she pushed me too far. I made the right decision. She went on the marry someone she did not love. I knew she didn't because she was still writing me. She had a bunch of kids with him and then they got divorced.

30 years later she found me on FB. She said something "like remember me" Turns out she had married again. I am glad I got rid of her when I did. I would never want to be married to a woman who would contact a guy she used to live with. I would fucking hate that.

PghSubie · 2022-12-31T22:28:16+00:00

Your little girl deserves to have parents set a good example for her of how to live a good life and be happy. If you instead set the example of how to stay miserable for years, she's going to have even more to deal with as she grows up and tries to have a relationship of her own. It really sounds like you have a lot of work to do. Start by doing ALL of the household chores before she can get to them. Bust your ass to feel valuable around the house. Do it so that your little girl gets to see that example get set and she expects the same someday from her own partner

NothingIsEverEnough · 2023-01-01T06:27:38+00:00

The time for divorce is NOW.

No_Analyst_5235 · 2023-01-01T02:36:45+00:00

No one deserves to be devalued like that . You sound like you are trauma bonded to her . Look it up .

There is a lot going on there. I don’t know for sure but just from what you wrote , it seems like she is a narcissist and is using your childhood trauma to abuse you .

You say you’re not perfect , no one is . And no one should hear those things from the person who is supposed to love you . Do some research . Talk to some professionals who could help you heal and move on . You deserve to be happy and treated right. You also can’t allow your children to grow up in a household that normalizes abuse .

Good luck bro

Slow_Way1108 · 2023-01-01T15:19:49+00:00

Two things

It sounds like this is too far gone, and quite honestly a lot of those statements from her are verbal abuse.

Two, this has the theme that you've failed in husbandly leadership duties. Something to address moving forward.

frustrated_peen · 2023-01-02T00:28:44+00:00

Well, she made one things abundantly clear in those comments…she’s a textbook narcissist. “If only things could be done her perfect way (the only way) and in her perfect timing (the only timing)”. What a joke, please leave her a$$ to show your kids that their future spouse (if they aren’t already completely jaded by what they witness) that treating someone like this is never ok. Take this to the bank “We teach people how to treat us” and judging by her actions, you’ve let her treat you like a doormat. Get angry enough about that to do something about it. Just don’t let her try to use the kids as pawns. And wtf is her obsession with Hastings street. Sounds like she needs to go do some community service there since she’s so obsessed with it.

marineexmo · 2023-01-11T16:49:42+00:00

OP, I'm sorry this is happening to you and to the other men commenting here going through the same abuse. Anyone reading these subs may recognize what may be going on in your marriage. Unfortunately, it's not good.

There is a definite pattern, a story that is shaping up to a possible EA and / or PA that your wife may having. An EA that she may not realize she's in or she's already having a full-blown PA.

In every case, the BS looks back and admit not recognizing the Red Flags. The distancing and on the phone or texting more, then comes the abuse. Turning off their GPS location. Degrading you to your face, and ultimately in front of family and friends. Dangling divorce in your face.

If this is happening to you, it's time to investigate. And it's okay to be sneaky. This is your life and family we're talking about. I hope this is not the case. Just be aware that there's a possibility.

Title	If or when is the time for divorce?
Author	Economist-Nervous
Upvotes	4
Comments	19
Date	December 31, 2022 10:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10054rd/if_or_when_is_the_time_for_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/if-or-when-is-the-time-for-divorce.1213212 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213212

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