It's over

sicrm · 2021-12-24T09:43:51+00:00

it was never going to work out.

when the only thing stopping your WIFE from staying with another guy is him wanting to seriously date her, trying to be in a relationship won’t work.

she’d either leave you for him, or someone else would pop up down the road.

focus on the divorce, your kid, and write out what you want the rest of your life to look like then make it happen.

Gattsama · 2021-12-24T10:01:26+00:00

You did NOT betray her trust. You didn't set the correct boundaries. You never should have let her back without first making it clear that you can and will look through her phone whenever you feel like it. You didn't lose her, because he never had her. She was a rental, on loan at best. And now your time is up and another is renting her.

If able, stop blaming yourself for others choices. You do not own her, control her and she DOES NOT respect you.

jalopkoala · 2021-12-24T10:25:57+00:00

My story: Exactly the same....
When she found someone else again (three to four weeks maybe) she broke up even harder - the second time hurt twice as much and turned into a deep depression.

She sang every song about coming home, forever and whatnot... that misserable cunt.

I sure hope you won't fall as bad as me the second time.

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2021-12-24T15:00:49+00:00

Dude stop beating yourself up over this. It wasn't going to work out with her. She only came back to you (momentarily) because the Other Man broke things off with her and you were the next best thing. Never be someone's next best thing. You are worth more than being your wife's backup plan. Let her swing off into the wilderness if she thinks she can do better. Free yourself to go and find happiness elsewhere.

KuroDN · 2021-12-24T11:08:10+00:00

I am what wondering what are you looking for from this post? Were you looking for comfort and/or understanding? It seems like you need to work on you and improve your mindset.

Don't get caught up on things you cannot control. It will drag you down in life.

oldskoolflavor · 2021-12-24T15:39:54+00:00

Wtf did I just read?

soovercovid · 2021-12-24T20:28:30+00:00

Just rough Brother. I mean it my heart is with you. I see the comments of “dump the chick and move on” and it’s the absolute right and not knocking the community at all especially when infidelity occurred but if it were only that easy to snap our fingers and forget about a woman we once loved, someone we confided in, a woman that was there during such difficult times with so much compassion. I really do empathize My Man. I don’t have quite the issue you do, I did most of the fucking up in our marriage, no type of abuse what so ever, showed plenty of Love and was never embarrassed to flaunt it in front of friends and family, however I did cheat multiple times, I could’ve sacrificed more but I felt we were OK and it was just a product of us get older however my wife quietly started to build the balls to justify to leave me and I left our home a few months ago so her and our 2 daughters would’t go to some random apartment, at the same token had she left to another apartment it would have been over for me. COVID fucked us bad, it just decimated us, she works super early 3AM early, I start at 8AM by the time she got home it was my lunch time and I’d take a nap, then COVID had the opposite affect and we got annihilated busy where we literally ran out of inventory, stress levels were at the highest ever in my career, plus everything was closed, couldn’t take her out even to our neighborhood park because it was closed. She got more distant and I gently brought it up, she said she was fine. I told her should she ever feel not OK with being stuck indoors or if she felt I needed to provide her attention to communicate it to me in English, Spanish, or in writing so it wouldn’t impact us. We’ll months later she said she wasn’t happy anymore and wanted out, forgot to mention she has done this 3 other times where she goes through this depression that she blames me for, we’re high school sweat hearts and I’m not naive cheating is not it it’s her inner self that tells her I’m the source of that depression. She won’t see a doctor, counseling, anything, it’s always waiting for her to snap out of it however it feels like this may be the end per what she has told others in our circle. I cannot just throw 2 decades of memories, children, a legacy over her inaccuracies in her feelings, her own mother has acknowledged something is wrong with her that periodically hits her but I get you it’s hard to just let her go.

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2021-12-25T01:31:51+00:00

Jesus man.

She checked out a long time ago.

Had ONS, then a fully fledged relationship, unprotected sex with two pregnancy scares?

How much more disrespect do you want to take? The more you try the less respect she has for you. You should have served her with divorce papers as soon as you found out about the ONS.

You're dancing the pick me dance. Read about the grey rock and 180 for betrayed spouses, contact a lawyer, plan your exit and serve her.

Read No more Mr. Nice Guy and Leave a Cheater Gain a Life. You need to work on your codependency issue. Book a therapist for yourself to help you see clearly.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2021-12-24T14:48:09+00:00

Dude stop this. She’s the cheating trash. Good riddance, the guy done you a favor. If she’s gonna cheat then she ain’t worth having. Plus, who wants a wife that other guys have used.

noosenz · 2021-12-24T13:47:51+00:00

You were her fall back plan and should have said no the minute she talked about coming back. You were willing to be her second choice and it would have NEVER worked, no matter how much you bought into her stories. Wtf were you supposed to do? Take her back and just trust her without question? You had zero chance of this working out, absolutely zero.

You said you let yourself down and became pathetic and that is true, but it's not because you checked her phone, it's because you didn't have the balls and self-worth to tell her you weren't going to be her second choice.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-12-24T14:12:08+00:00

It was over the moment she cheated on you. Her getting back to you was temporary until she found someone else. Once a woman cheats, she no longer respects you and it's just a matter of time before it's over.

Don't be ashamed of what you've done. You were in the right to know if she's still cheating on you (emotionally) or not. You need to be strong and leave.

You won't listen to my advice above until you learn the hard way because you're thinking emotionally.

jalopkoala · 2021-12-24T16:56:45+00:00

You should start therapy if you haven’t already. What you are showing here is YOU feeling bad because you caught someone else actually doing something bad and you are making yourself the bad guy.

It is gonna take a lot of work to realize the truth is the other way around. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are going to need to internalize that before you can heal and move on.

I promise you that after that work, the life you will have will be better than the imaginary one in your head with her.

rsmiley77 · 2021-12-25T03:40:37+00:00

You need counseling. You’re better than this. At some point your self esteem went way down and you don’t respect yourself.

My ex tried to show me the same disrespect. There was a brief moment when I tried to do everything I could to get whatever was going on through her system. Once it came time for divorce though it was war. I was ok with settling for fair but she still thought I was some weakling. She found out that wasn’t close to being true. Her attorney found out too.

georeddit2018 · 2021-12-25T18:55:54+00:00

You do not want to be the guy that she come to when she get dumped. She will leave again when another guy comes along. That's the way it. She is using you as a backup. Its hard but please Walk away.

Long-Review-1861 · 2021-12-26T16:16:42+00:00

Dude only wanted to smash YOUR wife, why would you even want to take someone back that had so little regard for you???

ChainsawJones1984 · 2021-12-26T23:04:19+00:00

You didn't get back together, you are just a life raft until she meets the next guy.

Bitchpleasecunt · 2021-12-29T18:40:00+00:00

Part of me wants to give you a hug because I know this hurts but another part of me wants to slap you for taking her back after her boyfriend dumped her, it's over, focus on the divorce and your finances and move on yesterday.

soovercovid · 2021-12-24T18:29:33+00:00

I’m confused? What happened in your scenario?

Title	It's over
Author	Funny-Caregiver-8127
Upvotes	4
Comments	52
Date	December 24, 2021 9:08 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/rnih3n/its_over/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-over.1212243 https://theredarchive.com/post/1212243

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