Need advice help with buy out

Tvelt17 · 2026-01-26T13:21:14+00:00

Don't be sad that its over, be happy it happened. You had a good run, I'm sorry its ending in turmoil, but breakups are always messy. You'll be ok.

Definitely get your own appraisal as well. The couple of hundred bucks it'll cost you, could save you thousands in the long run.

According-Designer15 · 2026-01-26T09:33:00+00:00

the fact that you're already thinking ahead and got your own info from the Realtor shows you're not operating from panic, you're operating from clarity. That's huge. And yeah, get your own appraisal. Absolutely. If she's already floating numbers that are $30-60K lower than what you're seeing, that's not "research," that's positioning. You're not being paranoid, you're being smart.

Gattsama · 2026-01-26T06:13:53+00:00

When it comes to the house you guys have a few options:

The house has both the title and the mortgage.

The title can be changed by signing a few forms and paying a fee at the county clerk office. The mortgage and their hand is more complex.

Assuming both names are on the mortgage. The only way to get the mortgage modified is to get a new mortgage.

You can either get an assumption loan, which you have to apply for and be approved for. The assumption loan will allow you to keep the current interest rate, keep the time paid, you basically assume the old loan. And you will need to pay closing costs again.

Or you have to get a refinance loan. Which will be a new mortgage, and a new interest rate, the clock starts back at zero. Closing costs can be rolled into the mortgage if you decide to. But again you have to be approved for that loan.

Both parties need to be in agreement about how to proceed. If both parties cannot agree, then the judge will decide. And the judge usually will just order the sale of the home. At which point the equity will be split 50/50. Similarly, if you guys are in mediation and can't decide then the house will normally be sold as well .

No one can force you into a buyout. She can't just buy you out because that's what she's decided. You are owed 50% of the communal equity in the home. But you also want to make sure your name is off the mortgage if she does a buyout. Do not leave your name on the mortgage because legally no matter what the divorce decree says you are a stole on the hook for that. And it shows up on your credit rating if you try to apply for a new house or any loans.

If she cannot be approved for a new loan, then you should not agree to the buyout and you should force the sale of the house.

As for the appraise value of the home. This is a never-ending source of contention. During these buyouts. The equity that you get is based off how much the home would sell for today, minus how much is left on the mortgage, divided by two. So obviously the amount that you have to buy you out varies greatly based off the appraisal. The person doing the buyout once the appraisal will be as low as possible, and you as the buyout recipient want it to be as high as possible.

It's always a good idea to get a few different quotes, and then negotiate something in between the two extremes.

Again though you have to fix both the title, the mortgage, and the buyout.

GoldBunch7294 · 2026-01-26T05:21:04+00:00

Been there, man. Definitely get your own appraisal protect yourself first. Hoping this gets resolved fast for you.

North-Permit-1021 · 2026-01-26T03:53:51+00:00

A lot of dads describe that fog early on. You’re not crazy for feeling it.

Flapique · 2026-01-26T00:56:35+00:00

Bro she does not care about you at all she is calling you a mother f***** every time you hang up the phone just remember that this is your enemy she's not your friend and when she says 99.9 that means she don't know s*** and any number she gives you is definitely way too low if she thinks that number is good then tell her that you'll take it for that price and see what she says then.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-01-26T00:25:22+00:00

In mediation now myself. I offered a house value range of $15k based on two houses nearby that sold within the past 2 years. Now my wife wants an appraisal, happening Tuesday from mediation provided appraiser. Appraisers are licensed here in NY so we’ll see. If it smells funny maybe I’ll waste money on a 2nd appraisal. If it comes in high, I’ll offset it by asking for more joint savings or something else. In the end it’s what you can agree on.

HotCut100 · 2026-01-26T00:23:02+00:00

I was on the other side of this, buying her out, and a couple of things you need to think about. If this goes to court, the judge is going to force it to be an as is sale. So you both will be losing money if there’s any repairs or anything that needs to happen.

This may be just my experience, but in the equity conversation if there’s clear repairs that need to be made, she gets to hang onto those and not take it out of your equity like would happen in an as a sale. Under no circumstances, do you share an attorney, a realtor, or an appraiser. This is the ultimate verify and then trust scenario. Everything comes in writing, make sure you set up your cloud based storage and email to make sure all documentation, including screenshots of your conversations with key agreements, are stored where she can’t get it.

We went down the appraisal route because we couldn’t agree and it was required for part of the buyout. In addition to that we took the average, after cutting off the high and low estimates, of the major housing services estimate of our home. The number she was pushing for was approximately 60,000 higher than what I knew the house would be valued at outside of an as is sales scenario.

I’m sure you would be shocked to learn that the appraisal came in within $7000 of my estimate and original valuation offer. Once we had that she was locked in after I explained that she would have to pay the $800 to have another appraisal if she disagreed. I’m pretty sure that one of her friends who practices law told her to accept the appraisal and walk away since a judge would be much more sympathetic to my position having had that done in the first place. Basically, it would be a shame if she were taken to court and painted as the unreasonable person that she is when it comes to material and fiscal things. Good luck!

blankaccoutn77489 · 2026-01-26T00:15:51+00:00

Pay for a registered valuation. Ideally one that you are involved in the engagement and the instructions are to provide a valuation for an arm’s length transaction.

bankofgreed · 2026-01-26T00:11:51+00:00

Get your own appraisal. One from a reputable service not just a random realtor. I’ve heard that if there is a difference of opinion usually both parties will split the difference.

coldpornproject · 2026-01-26T00:10:04+00:00

I went down the mediation route. It was a whole lot cheaper than hiring attorneys. I talked to three separate attorneys. Where I live you're able to set up calls with attorneys in 30 minute increments for about a hundred bucks to 150 bucks. The first call I just asked how the divorce process worked by the time the second call I had with an attorney I had a list of questions and by the third call I had it dialed down. From my perspective if you can get 50% of everything you're doing really well.

Title	Need advice help with buy out
Author	I_am_a_neophyte
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	January 26, 2026 12:02 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qn01um/need_advice_help_with_buy_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-advice-help-with-buy-out.1571960 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571960

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