Posting again….

sicrm · 2021-10-21T01:25:47+00:00

don’t negotiate with the enemy unless you have a clear goal and legal advice.

get a lawyer and take 50% of her pension as well.

BurnerMan7 · 2021-10-21T00:45:32+00:00

She shouldn't get alimony if income is the same. Shouldn't get 50% of your pension, either, if you both have the same size pension. You made the right choice in getting an attorney. Talk to your attorney about it, not her. She's either trying to get your goat or is uninformed.

cdjohnny · 2021-10-21T00:44:16+00:00

Basically you'll split the value of your assets and any retirement benefits you each accrued during the marriage. I doubt she'll get any alimony...she works and has the same income. I wouldn't cave on that for sure.

teufelinderflasche · 2021-10-21T01:17:29+00:00

She probably has someone advising her to tell you this to scare you into a quick settlement. Lawyer up and put an end to this nonsense.

Chip512 · 2021-10-21T02:35:46+00:00

Asking isn’t getting. Get an attorney and let them do their job. Don’t sign anything you don’t understand or agree to. Worst case it goes to a judge. If the judge does their job they follow your state law and likely will not give your stbx what they’re asking.

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2021-10-21T00:48:36+00:00

What location?

My understanding in California (where I am at) is that typically if you make the same, little to no alimony is warranted. If you have pension, she does not, then she would get half.. I assume once you retire. Curious how that works out. What if you don't retire for 15 years.. haven't talked to her in 10.. does someone at the pension company during the divorce now have the task of keeping tabs of where she is to send her her half? Is it on you.. and if you can't find her for whatever reason.. her half is just stuck in limbo until she claims it?

I make a bit more than 2x my STBXW and I am told I would have about a 10% or so alimony payment to her for some years.. but I have to get more clarity on that myself. I am 20 years marriage, and it's usually half, but its also said > 20 years could be for life. Also said that that is rare and usually in situations where STBXW doesnt work or barely works and usually when guy makes big money and woman has no capability to make decent money... e.g. she got married out of HS, worked local $12 an hour jobs like STarbucks, etc.. so she'll likely not ramp up to 100K+ sort of salary and thus ex-husband has to pay alimony forever.

Every single case is different, but I suspect most have enough similarities that we can draw on some data to get a ballpark figure.

gthyr666 · 2021-10-21T06:18:17+00:00

she taking 50% of your pension only makes sense if you get to take her 50% pension as well. Sorry, but damn, what a catch of a wife you got there.

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-10-21T07:27:12+00:00

She can probably get 1/2 of your assets (and you can get 1/2 of hers) but alimony is probably not on the table with an equal income.

It generally depends on the state, but I believe in even states with no-fault and aggressive alimony awards, that equal income will mean she's shit out of luck.

Nice try, lady.

I see that she actually makes a little more, but your pension is better than her 401k.

If she makes more than 10% more than you, then you should demand alimony from her and see if she'll back off the pension. Otherwise she'll probably get 1/2 of the pension, you'll get 1/2 of her (crap) 401k, and if she makes more than about 10% than you do, going after HER for alimony might help take the sting out of it.

The hubris of the woman to demand alimony when she actually makes more than you is just, so typical. Hopefully she winds up paying you and is made to be sorry that she brought it up.

AccomplishedFerret70 · 2021-10-21T13:56:58+00:00

OP, your STBXW is engaging in delusional thinking. Perhaps if you take time to review your history together, you might have other examples of irrational thoughts and behavior.

The purpose of alimony is to limit any unfair economic effects of a divorce by providing a continuing income to a non-wage-earning or lower-wage-earning spouse.

One justification is that an ex-spouse may have given up building a career to support the family, and needs time to develop job skills to support themselves.

I don't think you need to worry about paying alimony.

WartimeDad · 2021-10-21T03:13:47+00:00

Don’t listen to what she says. Just seek a fair even split.

ExpressionStrict1503 · 2021-10-21T03:28:02+00:00

Well ofcourse she is asking you for 50% of your pension she is probably planning this for years and you just caught up to her

Weather its equitable distribution or common property (which Cali is)

Here is a basic formula

Assets-Debts will give you a number. That number will be divided by 2.

You will keep half of it.

Assets include everything pension, 401k, bank account, stocks, bitcoin, equity in house etc etc.

Do the following get a lawyer its a must. You will be completely blind sighted without one.

Use the following divorce commandments.

Though shall not talk to her spouse

Though shall not tell your spouse what you are planning

Though shall change all your password

Though shall start making digital copies of all important items such as tax paper, FSA, HSA, bank account.

Though shall not yell at your spouse

Though shall not get angry and send stupid and nasty text or emails.

Though shall remain cordial

THOUGH SHALL NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE

This last one is pretty important until your divorce is finalized

If you have a joint account take a close look and see how much she's spending. If spending is the same don't worry if its high stop contributing to that account.

If your income and pension plan have the same amount of money then its pretty cut and dry.

Do you have any non marital assets or any inheritance or gifts? This will be considered seperate property

How old are your kids? 18 and above?

Remember don't

Philo_Beddoe99 · 2021-10-21T03:43:54+00:00

She won't get alimony if you don't want to give it to her, but you many have to give up something else. These are all things that you will negotiate. You will go back and forth with proposals through the attorneys. The attorneys will drag this process out and suck another month of retainer from you for as long as they can. This will go on for a few months minimum depending on how the negotiation goes and when the court date is. If you can't come to an agreement during this process that is when court comes into play.

Strap yourself in. This is going to get real frustrating.

dudefromyork · 2021-10-21T17:23:09+00:00

So someone gave me this advice at the start of my divorce. And it’s still true! 😁

I could get my lawyer to write you a letter that says you have to buy me a Porsche. Are you going to buy me a Porsche?

No. The only person that can tell you to do something is a judge. Unless a judge tells you that you have to do something, you don’t have to do it.

Get a lawyer, interview 3 and pick one, then do exactly what they tell you.

Anxious_Yard_2930 · 2021-10-21T20:18:05+00:00

Thank you all for your wonderful support and answers!

WorshippingLasagna · 2021-10-21T22:15:07+00:00

You have a lawyer. Right move. Now, your lawyer is there for a reason: to apply the law. The law is on your side here. Your lawyer’s job is to negotiate and manage your divorce for you. As a consequence, the first rule is: you talk to your lawyer, your lawyer talks with her lawyer and her lawyer talks to her. For no reason in the world you talk to her about anything connected with divorce. You let your professional handle it. If you talk to her about divorce related stuff, you risk agreeing to something which is not in your best interest. Let your lawyer handle the case for you. It means also less stress.

I am a lawyer myself, but when I divorced I had a colleague of mine handle it for me. Best decision ever. I was too involved emotionally to be sharp and focussed. My colleague helped me immensely. End of the story: she didn’t fuck me up, we got a balanced and I would say very fair settlement and the only one still being pissed is her. Which is the icing on the cake for me.

Only warning here is: some lawyers are assholes, trying to increase the level of conflict to pump up their bills. Be smart and check for red flags.

And no, I do not specialise in family and divorce law. I do finance and regulations.

Keep safe out there bro

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-10-21T11:57:30+00:00

Spousal support is different in each state. It typically is based on income, so if you make the same or near-equivalent it isn't a factor.

All financials will be split 50/50, including retirement accounts and pensions.

cocacola-kid · 2021-10-21T14:20:36+00:00

Don’t let her screw you. Speak to lawyer.

ExpressionStrict1503 · 2021-10-21T16:47:48+00:00

Here is the California spousal support calculator.

https://cristinlowelaw.com/practice-areas/spousal-support/california-spousal-support-calculator/

Title	Posting again….
Author	Anxious_Yard_2930
Upvotes	12
Comments	29
Date	October 20, 2021 11:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qcdhbh/posting_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/posting-again.1082722 https://theredarchive.com/post/1082722

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