It's 2:30 AM as I sit here. Wife should be leaving today. At least I hope so when I return to my house later on today.

Coles notes version... after 30 years of marriage, wife told announced in late June that it was marriage counseling or divorce. Marriage had mostly ups until then but the past 6 months have been rough on us with stuff (mostly out of our control) that added a lot of pressure on both of us and caused some friction.

After my initial WTF moments, I quickly decided that I'd agree to therapy with her. We still lived together and she kept saying that the goal was to save our marriage and that she loved me and she wanted to learn to better communicate. We had a pretty good month of July with the most communication we've had in years. I accepted my role in what led to her ultimatum and it was like a wake up call.

A few days after our second session, she tells me that she's seeing incredible effort on my part but she can't bring herself to do the same effort and doesn't know if she ever will. A couple days later, she says she doesn't love me anymore and is done with our marriage, but doesn't want to move out. Obviously, I was crushed. She's been living at home, sleeping in my bed and is actually mostly nice with me. She says she needs space but then wants to go for walks and to the movies. I suspect that it's only because she's obsessed with having a peaceful amicable divorce. She brings it up all the time. Also, I've caught her in a few huge lies and she doubles down on them even when I know 100% she's lying. Huge lies.

I've done a lot of growth during the past almost two months. I've read a lot and until yesterday, I still held out hope for us to get back together.

We have a family shared cell phone plan. Yesterday, I decided to check my data usage so I logged in. After checking mine, I checked hers. Then I clicked on her voice text usage. I saw that she's texting, sometimes sending pics, sometimes calling one of her male co-workers on average 100 times a day, especially in the evening (while I'm there) and in my bed while I sleep. I called the number and found out his name. Yes, she's known him for a very long time and has talked about him a bit. I do not know the contents of the text, only that they are every day, from morning to night.

So, I confronted her about the texts. At first, she was livid that I dared look at his info. Very mad. Then she said that she had a breakdown at work in front of this guy and he conforted her. She adamantly claims that he only texts her to support her and check up on her. Bullshit. 100 times a day? And half the time she texts first?

This led to her being ultra defensive and saying she's moving in with her elderly parents. She said that she could not deal with this pressure, that she felt she was drowning. She said that she feels like a big shit every day because she sees my efforts and my "getting better" and admitted that she was giving me false hope. I've been away since Wednesday. I guess I'll see when I get home later on today if she's gone.

She really is an exceptional person. She is beautiful and successful. She is also cold and unloving. She puts her work and our adult kids before me each and every day.

What I see from her, especially during the past 3 weeks, is someone I do not recognize anymore.

Sorry for the long post. What are your thoughts? I still love her but is there a chance or I just stop trying? What are your thoughts on her constant texting with this guy. I really don't think it's a physical affair but it's way more that just him "checking up" on her. I do hate that she turned it around and blamed me for snooping and made the texts a non issue for her.

Sorry for the long post. Any advice to someone starting separation today would really help. Feeling quite low right now. Cheers from Canada!