Shift in thoughts about dating post divorce?

WindowFuzz · 2024-07-31T18:43:56+00:00

Why not try using this as an opportunity to improve your communication skills so that you can break out of the cycle that was in your prior marriage and repeated itself in your current relationship? Ask her about where her "fuck it" attitude is coming from using this approach: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/comments/10jc087/towards_a_better_way_to_communicate_inquisitive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Boomhower113 · 2024-07-30T15:42:41+00:00

You know what your red flags are. If she’s waving them, just bail. I’m sure you learned the first time around that you aren’t going to change her.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-07-30T13:38:50+00:00

Great question and one I’ve been asking myself. I’m currently dating the best match I’ve found post divorce. We have a good time together, she is low maintenance and she has a great sense of humor. At the same time, I am way too fresh off of divorce to be jumping into a long term relationship. I’m conflicted because I like her but I definitely don’t see “forever” with her. I suppose this is part of staying in the moment and enjoying today is all about. The hard part is she has let slip how much she likes me.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-07-30T00:22:12+00:00

It's about the two year mark the biochemistry that makes women so amazing to you at the start begins to fade. I wouldn't say anything 'abnormal' happened, but really, most relationships you'll find what you experienced will happen

techrmd3 · 2024-07-29T23:49:27+00:00

It's easy to think you are jaded or have a post divorce tendency.

What I see in myself and "most" men I know after divorce. They look at every relationship as 'when is the 'please support me' discussion going to come up?'.

Prior to marriage I did not realize the number of times that relationships were centered around this topic. The 'can we move in'? convo. The 'can spend the weekend' convo. The 'hey where did this toothbrush come from'? convo. The leaving clothes at my place convo.

on and on. Now after divorce I see that to a woman (despite any strong independent statements) a long term relationship IS the medium and manner they will seek support assurances or benefits.

A relationship coach I follow on YouTube put it bluntly. A woman should be helpful to you in your life. So helpful that you will miss her. If you break up with a long term girlfriend and all you miss is her company and moving the toothbrush she left... well that's pretty poor helpful person in your life.

In western countries we have really given women the best of worlds. Little if any of household chores are so demanding they need full time care with machines. Meal prep and other tasks are easy in the modern era.

Frankly all women have to do is make sure they are enjoyable company and decent in bed.

Post divorce it's easy to upgrade your expectations.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2024-07-29T22:58:02+00:00

You can continue to date a girl with a "fuck it" attitude, but never ever marry her. Marriage in this day and age should be reserved for people who are highly skilled at managing relationships, managing their emotions, holding themselves accountable, and are devoid of any addictions. That means your odds of finding a marriage material woman are like 1%.

darkerwithin · 2024-07-29T22:44:06+00:00

It is unwise to ignore red flags. Trust your judgement. Pull the plug and part ways on good terms.

mr21vp · 2024-07-29T21:58:17+00:00

You had a good 3-year run and now it's time for the next chapter...

It's only fair to her also that you end the relationship if you're not fully committed emotionally. Don't waste more of her time either

NorthBoy_9012 · 2024-07-29T21:40:56+00:00

Get some counseling. Spend the $400 for 3 sessions to see if she and you can get a voice, don’t throw away needlessly. However, I hope you have learned your lesson - if you can’t find the “fun” as mentioned, quickly - and this is a 2 person effort, you don’t have to carry the weight you did before and neither do I. Good luck.

azwildcat74 · 2024-07-29T20:57:24+00:00

Recognizing patterns and acting on them proactively is what made humans the dominant species on the planet. If you feel strongly that you can see where things are going, why wait on doing the inevitable?

Title	Shift in thoughts about dating post divorce?
Author	TXJohn83
Upvotes	12
Comments	27
Date	July 29, 2024 8:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1efa4vj/shift_in_thoughts_about_dating_post_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/shift-in-thoughts-about-dating-post-divorce.1525717 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525717

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