My SO and I are separating. We have 3 kids together 7,9,9. So far we have both agreed to an uncontested divorce, but I rightfully gear she will change her mind once the negotiations begin.

That being said, I've been snooping through her stuff when she isn't home to collect photo evidence of illegal things she is into in case she tries to fight me for less than 50/50. She is a heavy pot smoker (we leave in an illegal state) and occasionally enjoys snorting pills. I've found both her stashes.

I am aware that she has been seeing a man who lives out of state. They may have met up once or twice. I found some new lingerie she had stashed a couple weeks ago. So I got curious again and decided to have another look. This time I found a stash of BDSM tools. Whip, crop, harness with collar, and a damn ball gag to name a few items. We have never practiced anything like this in our relationship, and I don't know if it is her or him that enjoys being dominated.

My question is, can this stuff be used against her if she decides we're going to fight for custody? I know her sex life is not the courts business, but I feel it shows a huge lack of judgment to be practicing this type of act with a man she really barely knows. Am I being prudish? It bothers me to think of the type of men she may eventually have around my children.