The struggle between self and savior...

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-01-05T23:55:43+00:00

You can support her by telling her that she can take out a mini loan from the bank or she can ask her new boyfriend for money or just say sorry you are not able to assist at this moment in time but all the best.

TheWallGoingUp · 2026-01-03T06:37:55+00:00

When she's crying, she's lying.

Vokenhagen21 · 2026-01-02T04:31:20+00:00

You seem to be in the right head space. I was there automatically. My ex never once responded to my messages (it was either her way or the highway), instead i got served two temporary orders of protection removing me from the house and kids. Every message i sent was entered into the petitions as ordering/demanding communications. After the first hearing and dismissal, she had the temerity to wish me "happy fathers day". I think she has the hint i will never help with anything, and therefore does not ask. But we are still in the process.

Ideally, you would be an ally with the ex for your kids. I have no hope of that, and never will. But does that mean you "need" to bail her out? Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I think what i'm writing is what is going to work for you? We all have our experiences, which are so similar to yours. But the intimate details make every situation unique.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2026-01-01T22:53:56+00:00

She fired you as her protector and provider.

If your company fired you at your job would you go back and work for free because they mismanaged? Fuck no you wouldn't.

Time to stop being a doormat. She is a fully grown woman and has the tools to take care of herself. She may have to go hungry or live in a shelter for a bit but she will be just fine.

The only thing I would offer is to take the kids full time until she gets her life sorted out.

redditrock56 · 2026-01-01T22:01:24+00:00

"She text me to say that she cant stop crying and that she needs to find rent money in a day or two or she gets evicted."

That's a problem for her and her new man. I wouldn't even respond.

Kullval · 2026-01-01T16:19:02+00:00

I believe that if a couple with children separates in a civilized manner, the husband will always tend to help the mother of his children in some way; it's the classic unwritten law, but there it is. Then we need to see what kind of help it is... the car breaks down and she needs support? OK. Is there a new module that needs to be assembled in the child's room? OK. She has to accompany her mother for visits and asks you to watch the child during her days? OK. These are some examples where, in my opinion, there would be nothing wrong with helping. What you describe is a little different. I think if you have the means and feel like it, you could also help her financially. The important thing is that if you were to find yourself in a more complicated financial situation tomorrow and perhaps miss a payment to her, she doesn't notify you immediately, but rather remembers when you helped her. That's my opinion.

MaineMan1234 · 2026-01-01T14:20:24+00:00

I tend to view these things through the lens of that my kids will be better off, more well adjusted, etc. if they have a positive relationship with both of their parents. So I will do things to help the ex at times based on that view.

But of course if she were trying to manipulate me then I would cut that off. Or at least be very careful in what I did and how I did it. My ex isn’t that way thankfully. And we have a positive co-parenting relationship even if we’re not friends.

But I think unlike many here, I divorced her rather than the other way around. I did so after a 15 year dead bedroom and her refusal to discuss anything about our romantic relationship. She has her issues but I don’t hate her, I just don’t want to be married to her.

NobbyStiles66 · 2026-01-01T13:46:12+00:00

Some people just can't learn

Reflog1791 · 2026-01-01T06:04:09+00:00

She’s manipulating you again

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-01T05:47:32+00:00

You’ve said your peace. Nothing more needs to be said. She’s got some balls passively aggressively asking for money.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2026-01-01T05:33:18+00:00

It’s rough man, I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m very amicable with kids mom and it’s hard watching her struggle. You want to help someone as one human to another but it’s not the right thing to do. Stay strong homie, even if it breaks your heart. This is a lesson and needs to learn on her own. This is the consequence of the decisions that she has made

RedRibbon3KS · 2026-01-01T05:22:09+00:00

Let her deal with the consequences of her actions. If you help her this time, she will continue to use you in the future. A divorce means there is no longer a relationship where you support and care for each other. It sounds cold but it is the truth.

SRT10_ · 2026-01-01T03:59:36+00:00

I loathe my STBXW and if she sent me a text like that, I'd say, "You're right, I do hate you. Too bad about the rent"

theFlockanAguy · 2026-01-01T03:37:09+00:00

F*ck her! Gray rock, bruh. You got this!

Title	The struggle between self and savior...
Author	Outside-Jicama-8468
Upvotes	26
Comments	28
Date	January 1, 2026 3:13 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1q0ud0v/the_struggle_between_self_and_savior/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-struggle-between-self-and-savior.1570135 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570135

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