What Advice Would You Give Yourself?

thro281 · 2024-03-30T18:11:04+00:00

Try to settle as quickly as possible. Pay a little extra because lawyers will drain your assets faster than anything. Everyone, the opposing attorney, the judge, the clerks are part of the system and they will get paid. Save your money and settle.

probebeta · 2024-03-30T18:05:15+00:00

I think all the things I learnt after the fact are useful, but an important one is to be aware how quickly a man can get discarded as if he never existed, did all those things, vacations, working hard to build a better life for the family, etc. Being aware of this part of female nature is crucial! You'd just consider choices a bit more carefully once you know.

Reflog1791 · 2024-03-29T16:08:40+00:00

My lone regret is not immediately filing for divorce when I caught her in an affair. I have compassion for myself because I was hurt and confused.

If I could go back in time I would’ve skipped the search for answers from a proven liar and immediately filed for divorce.

Being paralyzed with fear and confusion for the next nine months only served to get her an additional chunk of stocks and delayed my recovery.

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2024-03-29T08:49:26+00:00

I would have caused her ring to be "misplaced". I would also have been firmer on the negotiations. I just wanted things to be done when it came time to mediation and I believe I overpaid. Even though after speaking with fellow men and friends I realize I got off relatively light, it still haunts me how she basically got paid for cheating on me. Never once did she say sorry. Rankles even now 4 years later. I can only hope the money I gave her ran out and she is back to living in a crappy apartment alone.

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2024-03-28T22:00:25+00:00

Should have toolboxed. Nut and bolt.

Neat-Computer-9678 · 2024-03-28T15:36:34+00:00

if I could talk to my past self in that situation, I'd say take a deep breath and really think things through. It's a big decision, and it's okay to take your time. Make sure you've considered all your options and have a clear idea of what you want and need moving forward.
take care

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-03-28T13:07:30+00:00

I'd tell myself to read two books, in this order:

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover to address the covert contracts I had.
When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith to address the toxic shame I embraced. The Assertive Bill of Rights became my daily mantra.

I'm six years past divorce, and both of those books have been essential in my reconstruction. While I don't spend time regretting decisions, if I had read those books before I divorced, I would have had a much more sane divorce.

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-03-28T12:39:24+00:00

I’m still looking for that answer. I’m dealing with a high conflict, dramatic and sometimes violent STBX who takes nothing of bad news well. I don’t even know how to approach this. I fucking hate all eyes on me and drama. I just want 50/50 custody, give her half my shit and be done. That’s not even on the table with her and her very involved parents.

dave2118 · 2024-03-28T12:27:27+00:00

Don't get married.

There's hardly any benefit even if you find the right one. At any time they can walk away for no reason.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-03-28T02:19:35+00:00

Liquify the small investment account BEFORE you file. Cash it out and you'll have around 15k to work with. Now you're handing over 7.5k to them.

Dont go though a BS custody/child exchange without a court agreement in place. They left. The kids live at home. You want to see them? Then file already.

Just have them served now and dont want until after the holidays. And do it at work so they cant duck the process server. Screw optics.

I said it here on reddit before - I was still thinking like I was still a husband in married mode. "oh how to do I make this easy for her and best for everyone? Dont want to upset the person who says they never loved me and moved out."

I might as well have been telling someone how best to saw my arms off and not get blood on them and apologize for all the screaming.

In the end I HAD TO FILE. And then they got pissed at me for doing so, having moved out six months prior. Like I should just wait around like and idiot and do this on their time.

Title	What Advice Would You Give Yourself?
Author	ToughSuccotash2007
Upvotes	8
Comments	14
Date	March 27, 2024 11:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bph999/what_advice_would_you_give_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-advice-would-you-give-yourself.1513600 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513600

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