Why…….

krazykanuck · 2024-03-13T15:10:54+00:00

Because she reminds you of the ideal you had in your head of what you thought the relationship was. I found it got better for me when I realized that and truly understood what it meant: the person she is, isn't what I have in my head. Maybe at one time she was, maybe she wasn't, it doesn't matter. What was, isn't anymore. That's why so many say it's like dealing with a death of a loved one. What you are experiencing is seeing the same physical body of that manifestation, but that isn't the same person anymore.

Xan-Diesel · 2024-03-13T02:48:01+00:00

It helped me to understand that women love differently than men. Women love us like they love an accessory. Think of a woman getting a car - “new” to her. She’s excited to ride around in it and take it on adventures. She matches her outfits with it, takes lots of pictures and gushes about how new and exciting it is.

Years go by and she hasn’t done a particularly good job of maintaining the vehicle. It’s been a workhorse for her and trudged along despite infrequent oil changes. The years of wear and tear are evident and the performance of the vehicle is impacted as a result. It’s lost it’s luster.

Now she sees a brand new model and she can get it right off the lot at no cost. She loved the old car. It was a faithful companion and didn’t do anything wrong. It just isn’t new or exciting and the thrill is gone.

That doesn’t mean she didn’t enjoy the adventures she went on with it or diminish the initial excitement. She’s just done with it and wants something new and fresh and shiny and exciting to love.

That’s us. We view love differently and don’t view the women we love as an accessory to use up and throw away or trade in. Helped me to understand, at least.

Smeat_Jenkins · 2024-03-13T02:16:13+00:00

My main thing that's been helping me is to focus on everything in our relationship and identifying where we went wrong. Specifically, not blaming myself, but taking an objective look at how many times she was awful and made me miserable. The ways she wasn't good in a relationship.

Sure I'm still partially to blame, but once I realized how much she was actually to blame as well, and how miserable she often made me feel, I have come to peace with most of it.

GravityIsForRookies · 2024-03-13T01:47:28+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you. I have the same type of problem… she’s made it clear she’s moving on without me. Yet, I literally pray she’ll realize the mistake she’s made multiple times a day.

I came to the conclusion that I had changed who I was when was with her. I had changed to get all my validation from her and then it was gone…

watermelonstrong · 2024-03-12T23:31:58+00:00

I was there, I think we all were, and yes to reiterate it does get better. Time and more time. Sounds simple but it does work because there's no alternative anyway. You will feel better, maybe not today or this week or next month even, but soon

brok_zenuwe · 2024-03-12T23:30:35+00:00

Because MOST typical women don't know what the hell they want. They say they want to know a man's feelings, then they are disgusted to realize we're also human beings with needs. Not a prince who whisks them away from all the cares and responsibilities of the world.

Good men are forced out of their own homes, out of their childrens' lives, leaving the woman to teach their sons how to be a man. And so the pussification of America perpetuates itself under the guise of women's rights.

They are never wrong. They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until we are dead. Or divorced.

Android_1234 · 2024-03-12T23:08:59+00:00

Similar situation here. Thought everything was going pretty damn good and then one day after bringing her dinner she looked in the face and said she was leaving. Left me in our living room on my knees begging her and barely shed a tear. This was after 13 years of being together and not really any discussion of divorce previously.

I've gotten some minimal explanation about how she fought for our marriage alone for years without me apparently doing anything. This makes you feel like you are going completely insane. These last couple of months have been the hardest of my life. You have to try to focus on a day at a time and I know everyone says it but get into the gym. The immediate good feelings compounded with seeing positive results over time really does help.

I still have very very bad days and I'm sure I will continue to. They get much worse if I have to talk to her about anything. I'm a ball of nerves after talking to her even about logistical things. I'm also taking count of the things I did wrong even if I never thought they were enough to end the marriage so I don't make those same mistakes in the future if I ever even date again.

Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more. You'll get some good support here and we will make sure you get through this. Thinking about you tonight brother.

AdrianInLimbo · 2024-03-12T21:53:12+00:00

And, she probably had already "gotten over" you before dropping the bombshell, so she had a head start on getting over you. Not trying to be too blunt, but it is what it is, sorry, I know it hurts. I promise, it DOES get better, even if it seems like it never will right now.

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2024-03-12T21:35:45+00:00

It's called a trauma bond. Been there. It sucks.

SpiritualEnema · 2024-03-12T21:27:12+00:00

Give her what she wants as far as separation goes and don’t look back, then greyrock her. That always gets their attention.

And always assume she is seeing someone else. The women who have that parasitic streak like yours will always have another victim lined up before moving on from their current host. Think about that when she inevitably wants something from you.

Hard truths. Sorry bro, you’ll get through this.

Title	Why…….
Author	Cheb44
Upvotes	24
Comments	43
Date	March 12, 2024 9:15 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bd8tcb/why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why.1426071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426071

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