Well, I’ll attempt to dot his eloquently and professional. Approx. 2/3 weeks ago I figured out my best friend, my love, my wife has been sending nude photos to other men.

Initially how I discovered it, was based solely on a suspicion through a phone call while she was in the shower when I came home early. So I googles methods on how to deceive others. Essentially what I had done was observe her, for her passcode to her phone. I wrote it down in mine, and for about 2 weeks made tons of noise when I woke up at night. Finally I decided the time was right, and quiet as a mouse got her phone. I did my digging and there it was. Some buff fuck chattin her up. And my wife’s body for him. The mother of our child.

Now, to be quite frank I have half a mind to grab my Glock, go in the bathtub and blow my head off. But I know my son is more than my ego. Was I big enough? Was I out of shape? Was I bad at making love? Did she do this while I was on deployment? I don’t know or understand. I did everything I could. And, that’s enough for me.

So, we’ve finally agreed on divorce after I confronted her, though she maintains innocence. What I didn’t think about in my swirl, is wtf is going to happen to my boy? I love my son. My entire purpose is for him. We live in a society where women don’t have their character put into question. We know children are better off in life with their father. If a woman cheats, hands down no effect on custody. If a man cheats? Well, kiss your kiddo goodbye and say hello to alimony. Idk what to do men. I can, suck it tf up and do my best. Acknowledge my inferiority, acknowledge my inability. Pay money for the next 18 years for someone who will grow up hating me because of the brainwashing and lies of his mother. Or I can just end it. I can end it all tonight. I can be done with complications of life. I’ve been taken advantage of my entire life. I was touched and molested by family and friends of family growing up. People in the military have taken credit for my tactics and solutions. My wife, got to live without rent or mortgage participation for years. She had no bills, I paid everything. Would it really be that bad, to just write a letter give it to a lawyer to give to my son when he’s 18? Just one final message. Would it really be awful to take my own life? No more stress, no more thoughts or anxiety. True freedom. As of right now, I don’t know. I, want to hug my mother before I do. Tell my brother. My sister. I still have to write a note.

Well, anyways. Thank you to those of you who read. I’m certain there is a path to success. Maybe I’m too weak, inadequate, stupid or a combination of the 3 to see the light. I want to hold my son in 20 years from now like I do now. But there’s so many levels, so many thoughts. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost. And if nobody sees this, God I know we’ve had our differences. I know I’m loved. Please, please, please help me father. I need help and I need a sign. I can’t do this much longer. Something has to give and if it’s me, please forgive me. I don’t want to die but the weight is crushing me. Lend me your hand Lord. Lend me your favour. Amen.