Wife’s leaving

InDaCourt8836 · 2025-03-30T05:45:38+00:00

Start recording everything because odds are there may be false accusations coming. Just a guess

DuePersonality8585 · 2025-03-26T22:57:44+00:00

I’m sorry my guy. I wish there was something you could do to make the hurt stop. You should talk to a lawyer right away though. If this is about debt and she’s bailing, she’s going to take some of that with her. You also might as well bake your bad financial position into the cake. No sense in dragging things out until you’re making more money and she claims a piece of that. Women just don’t take the vows seriously and they’re basically encouraged to brake the marriage contract.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-03-26T11:40:01+00:00

Here is the thing with Debt, it also is hers as well, so she is living in a fantasy land.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-03-26T11:38:25+00:00

Your kids will still love you Bro, even if they are not always there. I have an 16 (M) and 18 (F) year olds and when I got divorced they were much younger and my daughter would go a long time without seeing me and it killed me, recently she said to me “Dad, I love you and I have missed you for the last few years, I neglected you because I blamed you for your divorce, but recognize now that it was on both you and mom, and I want to be your buddy again like it was before”. They will come back to you even if now it feels hopeless. Just love them, avoid saying anything about their mom, literally focus 100% on them as they will remember the shit you say. If you see them one day a month, make that day matter. You got this Bro!

Tight_Trouble_3354 · 2025-03-25T16:35:58+00:00

Brother, this aint about debt. It's about hypergamy. She rode with you when the cash was flowin, now she's jumpin ship when it's not. Classic fuckin pattern - been happening since caveman days.

Those 2 months are your lifeline. USE THEM. Lawyer up YESTERDAY even if you gotta put it on credit cards. Document EVERYTHING. Save texts, emails, record convos if your state allows it. Get your name off joint accts NOW.

Most important, don't move out of that house no matter what. The second u leave, your screwed. Courts see it as abandonment.

Your daughters? This is where guys make fatal mistakes. Don't trash their mom, don't beg for their love, don't try to buy their affection when u cant afford it. Just be solid, consistent, present. They'll see thru her bullshit eventually if you don't give them a reason to blame you.

The "best friend" leaving when money runs out? That wasnt a wife, that was a business transaction where u didnt read the fine print. Your not the first, wont be the last.

Stay strong. This is temporary. But what you do in these 2 months determines the next 10 years of your life.

Apprehensive_Park392 · 2025-03-25T08:01:33+00:00

You got knocked down but not out. You can do this man. Grey rock her and fight for shared custody. Your relationship with your daughters is what is important.

DurianOdd4148 · 2025-03-24T19:55:46+00:00

She planned on leaving for years. You just didn’t know it yet. When woman tell you they wana divorce it u should believe it.! They leave when there ready

MonarchistExtreme · 2025-03-24T18:59:47+00:00

money and new things can only hold a child's attention for so long but actual emotional investment carries more weight. Become a super dad, if your child has an interest, guess what....that's now a subject you simply cannot hear enough about. Listen to them as the individuals that they are and not as the extension of you that a lot of parents regard their children as.

You can't compete with her financially but you can win your daughters hearts by being genuine, approachable, fallible, and most of all present.

I might've had an easier road having an only son but his mother ran off to live with a rich man who showered him with money and gifts but his mother wasn't willing to play 8 hour sessions of Minecraft with him and I won. Those playtimes when part of me was thinking "i'm wasting an entire weekend on this silly game" were the foundation for me and my son getting to know each other as individuals. He's now 18 and easily, w/o a second of thought, my best bro.

Fight for your daughters emotionally...money doesn't always carry the day.

Soft-Landing-Divorce · 2025-03-24T17:46:10+00:00

As a divorce mediator and CDFA, I understand the overwhelming sense of betrayal and fear you're experiencing right now. Finding out your wife is leaving after you've faced financial setbacks is incredibly painful, especially when coupled with concerns about your relationship with your daughters.

First, know that children often adjust better than we expect during divorce. While your wife may have more financial resources right now, your daughters' connection with you isn't solely based on material things. Focus on maintaining quality time and emotional presence with them rather than competing financially.

Regarding your current situation, I recommend:

Get clear on your financial picture immediately. Document all assets, debts, income sources, and expenses to prepare for financial discussions.
Consider seeking temporary support orders if appropriate, especially if your income has significantly decreased while hers has increased.
Develop a proposed parenting plan that prioritizes stability for your daughters. Courts generally favor arrangements that maintain children's routines and relationships with both parents.
Find healthy outlets for processing your emotions. The betrayal you feel is valid, but expressing it around your children can complicate their adjustment.
Consider mediation as a less adversarial approach to work through custody and financial arrangements.

The coming months will be challenging, but many parents find that focusing on rebuilding their relationship with their children independent of their ex-spouse creates a foundation for healing. Your worth as a father isn't determined by your financial situation.

Would you like specific advice about approaching the conversation with your daughters or preparing financially for the separation?

yeldellmedia · 2025-03-24T13:57:16+00:00

Bro slow down a sec…..

isnt the debt communal marital debt? Or was it solely accumulated by you prior to marriage…

If you are still married, what money did she use to lease a new townhouse??? Was that community marital money she used?

soontobesolo · 2025-03-24T13:41:08+00:00

Don't let her be the only "super" parent. She's setting herself up for majority custody and child support (or a reduction in what she's paying you). Make sure you are as involved as possible with both kids, and LOG your time spent with the kids (and hers).

bluephotoshop · 2025-03-24T13:11:55+00:00

I’ll add my suggestion….”don’t fall down on your sword”. In an effort to keep her happy. It won’t work. Work out an agreement that satisfies you and meets your children’s needs. If she earns more than you do, you are entitled to child support for your kids.

Only-Presence2857 · 2025-03-24T12:52:00+00:00

An entrepreneurial lifestyle, that’s funny. I worked my ass off and took all the profits to grow the business. You want to work for someone else to get rich, go ahead. As far as it is hard to believe, it is. When you are with someone for 20 years at the very least you think they care a little. I am not a perfect husband by any means but I tried my best. To leave when things are down means to me that there was really nothing ever there. If she told me that we were more like friends than husband and wife, I would have respected that more than leaving when there is nothing more to take. I wouldn’t do that to an acquaintance.

InspectionOk3946 · 2025-03-24T11:50:40+00:00

As hard as it is you have to be a great dad and that’s what matters now. This relationship stuff with her goes into another box for now. She’s not your problem in terms of her happiness or trying to work on stuff. You get the kids 50% is what matters now. Sit with her and tell her this. Calmly. No anger. This is your boundary to not get sucked into her bs she may throw at you. No asking for relationship conversation. If she’s going then you both need a parenting plan.

“We’re going to write that up and agree to it and we’re doing this from the beginning with the understanding that it’s 50/50 physical and legal custody. Here is the plan I wrote. Let me know your changes and we can finalize it together.”

Write a plan and then go to her and get it done. This is what is imperative now. Other things are for another time.

And start therapy by yourself. Stay strong man. You got this.

soontobesolo · 2025-03-24T11:43:41+00:00

You'll be ok but you have to prepare.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/9rtlwvfqMG

Remember that any marital debt is half hers. Don't let her off the hook.

But most importantly right now is to ensure you have at least 50/50 custody. This will be huge. Especially if she's making more than you, she will pay you child support in most states.

But you have to play the game. And not get played by her.

IHaveABigDuvet · 2025-03-24T10:45:11+00:00

She threatened divorce for years. You really didn’t see this coming? Astonishing.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-24T10:00:20+00:00

Be a stand up father and your girls will be fine.

boojaado · 2025-03-24T07:14:55+00:00

Believe in you and let her go. Still be in your daughter’s lives.

Title	Wife’s leaving
Author	Only-Presence2857
Upvotes	36
Comments	28
Date	March 23, 2025 2:59 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ji15zp/wifes_leaving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wifes-leaving.1547458 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547458

Comments