A different question

xvszero · 2024-06-11T15:38:20+00:00

I can personally assure you that not everyone is hooking up in college, lol.

As for paying for it, I don't personally see that as a huge moral failing, but many do, so you would either have to lie about it or be judged for it if it ever came up in the future.

octave120 · 2024-06-11T15:46:13+00:00

The social pressure for young men to lose virginity by a certain age/grade-level is an arbitrary construct, but nonetheless real. I am sorry for what you’re going through, OP. Though I don’t know you enough to give practical advice, I do wish you well!

HelenHavok · 2024-06-11T18:03:45+00:00

I’m a woman and didn’t have sex for the first time until after college (and I was even in a sorority), so while the whole hookup culture may be rampant in some circles, I’m not sure I would say it’s the standard. My now-husband was 13 when he became sexually active, but by the time we got together in my mid-20s, we’d both only had a few partners. Most people have fewer than 7 partners in their entire lives.

I don’t have a problem with sex work or single people engaging someone ethically for this purpose. But because it’s not legal most places, it may be difficult/impossible for you to determine if the situation is actually ethical - that the woman isn’t being coerced, or pimped out, or gets regularly tested for STIs. If you go this route, do your research. I think you’re maybe still a bit too young to give up on having a more meaningful unpaid encounter, but you know yourself best, and if this is causing you a lot of anxiety and making dating harder than it otherwise would be, then maybe it’s a good solution. Just be clear-eyed about how much it will actually change for you. Having sex for the first time is memorable, but it isn’t a magic bullet and it may not do anything for your anxiety or dating prospects.

bluemagex2517 · 2024-06-11T21:19:41+00:00

I've been thinking honestly to cut my losses and just see a professional?

I really got my hopes up when I read this. Thought you were going to see a therapist. Then I read the next line. Bummer.

Yeah, go use the services of a sex worker if you want. Please treat her well and respect all of her rules, but also protect yourself from getting scammed.

It's not going to fix anything. It's not going to give you the social skills you need in order to find someone who actually wants to date you. It's not going to teach you how to flirt or how to be charming, etc.

But, if you need to get it out of your system, and you 100% respect and treat the sex worker well, then that's your business. Go for it.

When it's done and you don't feel any different and nothing's changed, please feel free to come back and start genuinely listening to and taking our advice.

Skinned-Cobalt · 2024-06-11T15:55:56+00:00

The only two good things you can get from the redpill are lifting and public speaking, then combine that with being a genuine person. I wouldn’t pay for sex as that might backfire and hit your confidence even more. But, if you feel like you need to, then make sure it’s at least legal in your area.

GladysSchwartz23 · 2024-06-11T22:33:13+00:00

"Hookup culture" is way less rampant than you think -- it's been hyped up by a lot of media, and of course the people who are doing it are bragging. You are FAR from the only person of any gender who isn't getting any.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-06-12T00:20:04+00:00

Gen Z has less sex than previous generations. https://fortune.com/well/2023/05/12/are-teenagers-having-sex-cdc-gen-z-situationships-sneaky-links/

wasted_basshead · 2024-06-11T22:38:25+00:00

I think practice making friends (in general) who are girls is the best route.

Cyberwitchx · 2024-06-12T09:43:24+00:00

I would say I am pretty good looking, and I lost my virginity years after college. People just assumed I hooked up with others based on looks lol

Crafty_Outcome_4654 · 2024-06-13T03:25:17+00:00

Lol. Coming from a former guy who thought like you. My guess is that you’re very picky and maybe a bit clueless.

I’m not telling you to bang a bunch of hood rats but it’s ok to talk to the cute girl who isn’t a ten out of ten or the girl who was not your first choice. Also I’m assuming in college you actually went to a campus and did not stay home all day, but you’d be surprised how many girls maybe give you a double take or smile at you or want an excuse to hang out and talk with you if you’re actually being perceptive of those things instead of moping about it.

Finally, you just have to be around females and other people. There’s no getting around it. Join a club, go to a church, go to a bar/club, go to the break room where everyone hangs out at work.

Where there people there’s chances is how you should look at it.

Most importantly don’t force any specific outcome. I’ve stumbled into fun situations more than I’ve meticulously planned them. Just have a good time.

SufficientDot4099 · 2024-06-12T18:33:17+00:00

There is no rampant hook up culture. A tiny minority of people are having regular one night stands

RedPillDetox · 2024-06-12T21:47:35+00:00

Despite the rampant hookup culture and everyone having one night stands with a lot of partners that goes on in America I’m still a virgin guy who missed out.

Is this really true? I imagine that if it's true then you probably know at least 30 or 40 people with the freakiest sex lifes, right? You can name them all with ease, right? And if this is the case how come you would not be more experienced? With so many sluts around it would be easy for you to get one, isn't it? If they are fucking everybody but you, that includes uglier guys than you, so how come you wouldn't be next?

Maybe you're just wrong, and your problem starts with you thinking that people have been having way more sex than what they actually do.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-06-11T17:05:52+00:00

Yeah there is no shame in going to a professional. Just make sure you use proper protection and do it with someone who is less likely to have STDs. Also don't get into the habit of doing this because the goal is to get a girlfriend. You also need to think about why you struggled with dating in college and address those issues.

WWhiMM · 2024-06-13T16:17:23+00:00

This is one of the most sane and reasonable posts I've seen crop up. I was sort of in the same boat in that I was a virgin at 21 who finally crossed that threshold with some truly disappointing pity sex. And, yea, no regrets there, it was nice to check it off the to do list, one less thing for the inner shame demons to be chirping about. "Getting it over with" is the right attitude, imo, because then you're free to reset your goals; to let go of "getting laid" and to aim instead for having good sex. Maybe for some people paying for it just sets up another shame complex, but you know your own feelings better than anyone.

That all said, maybe make peace with the idea that everyone's sexual history is kind of "weird." It's a fundamentally unique and personal thing. It's one of those areas where being "normal" is kind of impossible, because there is no real "normal" to align with.
Like, are your conversations normal? Do you talk to the correct number of people in a day? contribute the correct amount to the conversations? talk about the correct things? It doesn't exactly make sense to think of complex personal interactions in that way. Your life experience is unique to you, and that's true for everyone else as well.

dottywine · 2024-06-25T19:43:40+00:00

Most college students are not having one night stands, just FYI. Obviously some are but most are not. It’s an illusion that is easy to get caught up in.

Title	A different question
Author	Height-Increase
Upvotes	0
Comments	18
Date	June 11, 2024 2:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1ddfwlb/a_different_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/a-different-question.1521243 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521243

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