If socializing is really the only thing that makes or breaks a guy dating than what happens if you don't have that many options or outlets for socializing?

bluemagex2517 · 2024-05-18T07:41:14+00:00

I think it's interesting how so many guys think they're "average" in every category. I'm not calling you out in particular, OP. I understand that your post above is a hypothetical. Still, a lot of guys come here talking about how they're "just average."

Like, the actual average American male is 5'9" and 200lbs. That's fairly overweight, in large part because of how averages work. 300lb dudes are being averaged together with 150lb dudes and everything in between. There's no reason to assume a bell curve with a high concentration of individuals who are actually at the average. So, someone who is at the average is actually just as much a minority as most outliers. Like, the majority of guys could be sub 190 and above 210, with a somewhat smaller minority 190-210, but the average would still be 200.

I think a lot of these guys aren't actually physically average at all. Most of them are more like ~5'6" and ~145lbs. Which, may be more common than the average, because the 6'2" and/or 300lb men are skewing the averages.

The same kind of thing happens with income and everything else you stated.

My point is that the idea of being "an average guy" is more a psychological category these guys put themselves in rather than an actual statistical truth about them. It's a mental box they've put themselves in that is both comforting and limiting. It's comforting because it makes them feel like they don't stand out in a bad way. It's like wearing a hoodie and khaki shorts, bland but unobtrusive. It's limiting because it keeps them from embracing anything unique about themselves, or developing anything like individual charm.

The same goes for who they label as "average women." It's just a category they put slender but unathletic women who don't have perfect stereotypically attractive facial features in. It really doesn't correlate with actual averages, or distributions. Which, in one sense is better. Actually trying to make sense of dating by thinking of it in real statistical distributions would be foolish and unproductive. However, again this is quite limiting because these categories become problematic when we try to compare them. These guys will say things like, "average women won't date average men." But, if neither of those groups are actually average or a plurality, then really they're just saying, "this group of women I think should want to date this group of men don't always want to date this group of men." And, that's really not shocking at all since the groups are just psychological categories that are pretty arbitrary.

SufficientDot4099 · 2024-05-18T03:28:14+00:00

That was me so I tried as hard as I could to be able to move somewhere else.

watsonyrmind · 2024-05-18T13:31:06+00:00

I mean, do you live in New Jersey? (based on your post history)

Probably 95% of dudes who say they have no opportunities for socializing just haven't looked hard enough. If you are in one place and not putting in effort to find social outlets, moving to another place and putting forth the same amount of effort - or lack thereof - is unlikely to change your situation. It's often just an excuse to avoid making that effort now.

xvszero · 2024-05-18T04:57:18+00:00

Average guys hook up all the time and lots of people find relationships on dating sites and apps.

Mentathiel · 2024-05-18T09:01:56+00:00

If your town is the everyone knows everyone kind of small and you have no clue what to do, you need to move into a big city. If you haven't figured it out by now and everyone already knows you and has an opinion and everyone kinda pairs up early, there's not much hope.

If you're in a medium-sized city with loads of people and activities, but you feel like your socializing options are limited because of the culture and urbanization plan of your city, I am not as sure. I don't have much experience with those places. You might have to take up a hobby or something that you aren't super-interested in but that is accessible to you locally.

In big cities, even when there's no third spaces, there's so many opportunities. Volunteering orgs are extremely female dominated and you'll easily meet a lot of women in an environment where the gender ratio means they'll be squabbling over the guys there & you get bonus points for being devoted enough to whatever cause to volunteer. Otherwise, there is an infinite amounts of hobby clubs, classes, churches and church activities.

Remember, you don't need to make 20 friends. You have to make a few friends, one of them is going to introduce you to their big extroverted "superstar" friend, who's going to invite you to a house party with half the town there lol. (Superstar is a graph theory term and it more or less pans out like that in real life in my experience)

EDIT: Also, I know a dude who took up a postal service delivery job from the capital to the countryside and turned on dating apps as he drove so he'd get matches from small villages from girls who don't get too many matches. He wanted a village girl like that exactly and found her within a year. Turned out she was also a student in the capital but happened to be at her parents' place at the time. They've been happily in a relationship for a while. Probably not good general advice, but an interesting anecdote to me lol.

FellasImSorry · 2024-05-18T04:51:07+00:00

If you live on a deserted island or you’re trapped down a well or something, your personality, looks, wealth, etc don’t matter when it comes to dating.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-05-18T04:50:20+00:00

If socializing is really the only thing that makes or breaks a guy dating

No its not. Looks, dating skills, mental health, and status matter too.

looks don't matter as much as incels think they do. Personality matters more

Its more like the combination of mental health, social skills, dating skills, and confidence matters more than looks. Looks matters but its more about determining how attractive the partner you can get than a minimum threshold for dating at all.

dating isn't as superficial as incels believe

It isn't but its still pretty superficial. As I said looks matters a lot early on. And the aspects of personality that matter tend to be things that make good first impressions like charisma and charm which can be superficial.

Now remember you re an average guy in this context so dating apps wont work as well because dating apps are usually hookup apps

Actually a lot of relationships start on dating apps now and a lot of people on dating apps are looking for long term relationships. So its inaccurate to say dating apps are hookup apps.

and to hookup as a guy you need to pretty much be the top percent to be having casual sex.

Its certainly more challenging for average guys to be having casual sex or get a relationship from dating apps but some still do. It just takes more effort and they have to lower their standards. It is true that the top guys on dating apps get a disproportionate number of matches and it is challenging for the average guy on the apps. But a big reason for that is men outnumber women 3 to 1 on the apps so you kind of do have to stand out to get results.

But this is dating so in this case average guys could be settled for a relationship but you would have to find someone first.

From what I've seen most guys want a relationship and don't want to be single and have to go out and impress women all the time to get a little action. Even most of the more attractive guys I knew got into relationships too and settled down. Most guys just want someone who loves them and they can be comfortable with.

But in this case, because of your city/town or location, there isn't that many options for you to just go out and socialize

You have several options:

Accept that dating is going to be difficult and hope you eventually get lucky.
Initiate conversations and invitations because you will need to be a lot more proactive.
Work toward moving out.
Work on being so physically attractive that its easy to get attention from women.

I recommend #3.

tinyhermione · 2024-05-18T11:18:57+00:00

You join hobbies and activities. That’s where grownups make friends. Then you make male friends and whatever friends. Once you have a few friends it’s easier to make more. And then you are invited to social stuff where there is women.

If there are hardly any people your age where you live? Consider moving.

buzluu · 2024-05-18T11:39:43+00:00

You could create your own social circle,but there is no guarantee that gonna give you your dream life.So its a sacrifice, some says,we should give up on our dream life,and just livin.

BestBoogerBugger · 2024-05-18T21:21:51+00:00

You talk to yourself like a crazy person. 😜

rrrattt · 2024-05-19T00:13:40+00:00

There's a reason the stereotype for people in a small town or suburb is a family and not a single person. In my experience, single people past university-age generally try to live near a big city so they can meet other people, among other things (more single person housing, career opportunities, etc.) It's hard to meet people when most people around you are settled down, and for the single people that do exist there aren't really many places to meet.

What happens is that he gets lucky and randomly meets someone in real life or online, or doesn't and accepts that or moves somewhere easier to meet someone. Unless you go to church or can meet someone at work, meeting people in places like that is luck. If you want to stay, just keep online dating and trying to meet people, and try to find anything you can in real life to get involved in your community.

The one good way to meet someone that will work almost anywhere is to keep expanding your social circle. Preferably people around your age and still dating around, but even married folks may have single friends. If you truly live somewhere with no third spaces or community events, friend circle is gonna be your only real option other than going up and hitting on randoms at the supermarket. Or get religious, Churches are the only third space you can find anywhere.

W-Pilled · 2024-05-18T03:59:20+00:00

Move to the city.

Seriously, I lived in a small town and could never get laid. When I moved to the city, it was much easier to find women

BlockyRumble · 2024-05-19T07:55:54+00:00

You improve yourself and your life. Not that hard with the current competition

ChinaShopBull · 2024-05-18T16:14:31+00:00

Have you tried dating women who are unconventionally attractive or needy? Once I gave up the idea that I had to date a very attractive or desirable woman, the world opened up to me.

Exciting-Parfait-776 · 2024-05-18T07:58:03+00:00

You’re screwed. And will be alone🤷🏻‍♂️

Title	If socializing is really the only thing that makes or breaks a guy dating than what happens if you don't have that many options or outlets for socializing?
Author	Height-Increase
Upvotes	7
Comments	34
Date	May 18, 2024 3:24 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1cunzt2/if_socializing_is_really_the_only_thing_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/if-socializing-is-really-the-only-thing-that-makes.1518808 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518808

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