Does r/exredpill love / like men as a whole?

Andromeda_______ · 2022-11-06T14:19:15+00:00

I'd wager that most people on this thread ARE men, as the whole point of the exredpill sub is men trying to unlearn the toxic perspectives that they have adopted through Redpill content and the manosphere.

This isn't a man-hating subreddit. This is a subreddit for men trying to better themselves by pointing out the flaws in the Redpill rhetoric, which hopefully encourages other men not to get sucked into that way of thinking.

SweelFor- · 2022-11-06T13:09:10+00:00

What does it mean to love men or women as a whole?

softnmushy · 2022-11-06T15:00:44+00:00

I’m here to try to help men have healthier relationships and lives. I think the redpill is toxic and harmful to both men and women. And I have a lot of dating experience that most redpill men seem to lack.

I think most of the users here are also just trying to help other men. Though you do get the occasional person here who is angry at redpill and just wants to argue about it. I don’t think that’s helpful. And thankfully it doesn’t seem common here.

RedPillDetox · 2022-11-06T16:45:27+00:00

There is no "this sub", this isn't a monolith, far from it, this is one of the places where people with the most varied and contradictory opinions conflate... often non-peacefully, unfortunately. Some people love men, others hate them, most are probably somehwere in between...

2022-11-06T15:12:29+00:00

I know there are people here who help out that want to try and at least support them as a whole. Love? Unlikely, but there are many different beliefs here. We're united in our dislike of RP (minus the RP lurkers) and it's disastrous affect on the world, personalities, relationships, and mental health. Once RPers get some of their needs met (like coming here to safely talk without being bullied or actually releasing trauma the healthy way), the appeal of RP can wear off for many.

Often it's a safety need that goes unmet because they don't feel like they can talk to other men about their issues without being made fun of or minimized. Yes, even from their own "brotherhood". As a woman, this became very apparent many years ago because I found my male friends forcing their trauma on me (trauma dumping and confessing dark things without even asking if I was okay with hearing it) without warning or consent, which only made my trauma issues worse. This told me there was almost a desperation for anyone to listen to the hurt.

While I didn't handle it well for many years because I was dealing with my own issues, I think I'm finally starting to understand based on very close observations of men who are maybe more introverted/loner types and how they treat each other, especially online. There unfortunately is a lot of bullying which can only exacerbate already dire situations. Given that, there are many here who try to create a safe bubble for those who need that space to talk and dissect thoughts, distortions, and biases that keep them stuck.

Arguably that's done with love in mind.

princessbubbbles · 2022-11-06T19:16:33+00:00

I also want to say that this sub is unusual in that there are so many viewpoints crammed into one community. A support/debate community, a "detox" if you will, tends to be this way, though. Here is my opinion as another data point for you, which might be what you really mean by your question:

Men are beautiful. What I(F) believe to be masculinity (much of it isn't what western society at large thinks) is beautiful. I love men as humans. I am close to my father and three brothers. Most of my friends are men. I am married to my best friend, a man. I see many men be mean-spirited, cruel, and/or dangerous towards people, but I also have these examples of kind, nurturing, and strong (psychologically, morally, sometimes physically) men in my life. I know what good men can look like. And I know how being a good man can help the man as well as those around him. I jokingly call myself "the missing link between the sexes" irl because of how I get along with men and seem to be resistant to both misandry and misogyny. All that is why I'm here.

You mention "men's needs". I want to address a possible disagreement that is at the heart of a lot of debates on here, though is not always addressed. Needs include the basics like food, water, shelter. For most humans, this also includes deep social connection. This connection can be many forms, like platonic friend, romantic, sexual, parental, sibling, etc. Diversity helps satisfy this social need, but is not required. But here is where I differ from a commonly held belief of many RPers: sexual and romantic connection is not a need, it is a want, for most people a very strong want. Every person I know irl who 1 considers sex/romance a need and 2 is distraught by not having it atm has other glaring issues in their behaviors and attitudes that are the true cause of their consternation. And yet they put all their energy in an easier to grasp solution of having a significant other. Their lack of care towards other parts of their life plus general dissatisfaction with themselves makes them less attractive to people, which causes a feedback loop. I've seen it irl, and I've seen it on here. That core issue is the hardest to address as an outsider wanting to help. I still want to try.

Let me know if there is anything else you want to know.

fathergoose77 · 2022-11-06T22:27:54+00:00

Well, dirt of all, we’re not all the same person, so our opinions vary in here. However, what we all sun to agree on is that RP is is a harmful and unproductive mindset for an individual to have so a lot of us just want to help to out those who have fallen into that insecurity trap.

Second, people don’t generally love all men or all women. We observe and love people on an individual basis. Their are men and women I love and then men and women I don’t care for and some people I dislike.

RP has an all or nothing type of thinking so it’s hard for those people to understand that a middle ground exists. You don’t have to love everything or hate everyone. People are more complex than that

mikayrodr · 2022-11-06T17:44:53+00:00

I think that red pill targets men and exploits their loneliness and insecurities while downplaying mental health and creating “lone wolf” types. It isolates men from society while telling them it’s fine because they know “the truth.” It is not healthy or helpful for mens mental health or creating space for men to understand and process their emotions or get help and support they may need. Red pill is made up of people screaming “man up!” while complaining about people not taking men seriously. They’re eating themselves alive.

incredulitor · 2022-11-06T23:39:34+00:00

tl;dr: yes

Longer:

There is a basic acceptance and wishing well that everyone deserves to be on the receiving end of. This is especially a place to direct that at men here who may have been starved for it, or whose early experiences or recent relational traumas lead them to feel ambivalent towards it. So, yes. Absolutely that.

Where it gets more complicated is that that love absolutely does not mean loving every single behavior anyone engages in. Loving every behavior as if it could never do any harm and never needs to be pushed back on is idiot compassion. Recognizing and acting out of that distinction ought to at least feel mostly respectful most of the time.

In an environment like this sub though, both wise compassion itself and the responses that come up when a poster is faced with it are often not going to be pleasant. The point of this sub is that there are people - mostly men - out there who feel stuck in a set of behaviors and beliefs that they kind of sort of know are harmful to them and people around them, who probably have some kind of desire to change, but who have other things holding them back like aspects of their current sense of identity as a man or their expectations for others. Loving these men and wishing them well does not mean playing into hateful beliefs. It doesn't even necessarily mean letting beliefs that are believed to be benign but that stand in conflict with a person's own otherwise healthy stated goals go unchallenged. It doesn't mean refusing to hold a mirror up to goals that are themselves going to be harmful or self-defeating. It can mean taking reasonable steps to recognize other positive qualities or motivations a poster might have even when they're also being confronted, but doesn't necessarily have to. The point is to keep our sights set on some kind of longer term benefit that doesn't play into existing negative cycles.

It's only going to further complicate this that some not-clearly-delineated subset of men coming to post here will have had histories of abuse, neglect or antisocial coping that mean that what they think "love" from a community might look like is in actuality not going to be something we can give. That's going to hurt. It's going to disappoint at times. It might enrage. I don't know whether it's a vain hope or not, but ideally maybe some opportunity to bang one's head against that might eventually lead towards some kind of grieving or similar processing that would allow these people to shift towards a healthier sense of what adult fraternal love could look like for them. These are areas though where the people whose "love" you're asking about very often involves clearly stated boundaries. In the short term that's often going to come off like anything but love to the people that came thinking they were looking for one kind of help and got something different.

sparklyyblueberryy · 2022-11-07T02:38:17+00:00

Every man has dignity both as man and as a human - that however doesn't mean that everything any man says is something we will love. I neither love nor dislike men as a whole. The same for women. I am against misogyny but also misandry.

Before reading TRP I had positive experiences with men. I thought that all men were nice and I thought more highly of men than women. Redpill made me legit afraid of men. I think the goal here is to have a balanced and encouraging view.

Truthteller1995 · 2022-11-07T05:30:23+00:00

Yes we do as most of us are men. It's just that we see the red pill as extremely damaging to men.

Aggravating-Grab-241 · 2022-11-06T18:27:12+00:00

More than red pill does. Red pill hates men. This sub is 99.9999% men.

2020mademejoinreddit · 2022-11-06T22:40:24+00:00

Firstly, society is dismissive of men's needs in general. No need to deny that just to push a narrative.

Secondly, no one indeed owes anyone anything in general.

Thirdly, women in many countries are also ignored and overtly oppressed and harmed, to this day. In first world, it is less so.

Fourthly, I've noticed that there are some men haters here and they most likely came from FDS, only they claim that men have distasteful attitude.

I've come across other members here, who are genuinely trying to do good. One member blocked me for simply disagreeing with them lol

I like everyone, regardless of gender, unless I'm given a reason to not.

RP didn't used to be toxic, it was made it by grifters. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still hoping to see the old RP back and throw this thing we have out.

imtooshortt · 2022-11-07T16:06:16+00:00

This is sub inceltear's brother. It is clear that it was set up to humiliate, not to help.

Automatic-Post1023 · 2022-11-07T01:36:10+00:00

i feel this sub has the same problem as the other leftist subreddits it tries to represent. too many opinions from too many different groups that it literally leaves out the crux of the issue. just a lurker and i feel like any opinion that isnt the majority of this sub you have to walk on eggshells or youll be ignored or shut down. fortunately found a different sub that is more focused on men issues that are prevalent in our groups without the constant fear of being scared of typing anything that doesnt go with the status quo, now this is my two cents but its what i have noticed in these type of spaces.

xvszero · 2022-11-07T04:12:55+00:00

Why would I dislike men, I'm a man.

I do dislike the system that pushes a lot of men into toxic masculinity, but honestly it's tough to even know specifically who to blame for that specifically. I think everyone is ultimately responsible for their actions but we're also raised in these shitty systems that push us in certain bad directions.

Title	Does r/exredpill love / like men as a whole?
Author	Nightchanger
Upvotes	10
Comments	35
Date	November 6, 2022 12:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ynp765/does_rexredpill_love_like_men_as_a_whole/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/does-rexredpill-love-like-men-as-a-whole.1137891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137891

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