For men who constantly get rejected where did they go wrong and why are they like that?

Otherwise_Ad384 · 2021-11-12T09:48:36+00:00

Remember being needy or desperate is repulsive to both genders. Would you want to date a woman that no one else would touch? Would you date a woman that begged you to date her? (She is almost admitting there is something wrong with her). Compare that to dating a popular girl that many guys are interested in but she chose you! The way you worded it is as if you have ended up being like that and that is final. It is a journey and you decide if you want to end like that or continue to evolve past it.

"Begging to be given a chance" is the you want something mentality vs "you would be so lucky to have me in your life" is the you get something mentality. One is much easier to sell compared to the other. You need to reframe the situation without being arrogant.

I am short and was was rejected and it was always based on my height. I had developed a coping mechanism of overreacting when people threatened me. Punch first and talk later (typical short man syndrome). This was totally necessary as a kid to avoid being bullied. As an adult its is not necessary and very hard to unlearn (martial arts help a lot). We all have issues that we were dealt with and it is our responsibility to recognize them and overcome them and not make it other peoples problems. The tall good looking chads will have millions of 1st dates but if they don't develop something behind that - woman get bored with them too (think of a big strapping physical trainer dude bro!). To answer your question it is hard work for all of us. Attachments issues could be one reason.

I moved away from my friends and family to "experiment". Some call it finding themselves. I would put on different personas until I found what worked for me. Not giving a shit and being funny is what finally worked for me. Then strangely enough I dated woman taller than me and height never seemed to be an issue again. I was so scared of being rejected in front on my friends.

Now I don't give a shit. I have been rejected 1000s of times and what others think of me is their business. I have learnt how to read situations and only approach woman that I can see I stand a chance with. Depending on how quickly you learn you might only need to be rejected 100s of times. It might be 10000s of times. Just be interesting and fun and be a person that others want to hang around with. Then everything else falls into place.

modestgray · 2021-11-12T12:21:40+00:00

Desperate people do dumb things

bitesizeconsistency · 2021-11-12T13:20:40+00:00

I didn't know how dating worked and how you're supposed to go about it. It turns out that it's not that complicated, all you gotta do is have fairly good social skills for the type of people you are interested in, find those people and then if you like one of the girls, you just ask her out. She will either be interested in you or she won't.

Something that increases the likelihood of a girl going on a date with you is physical attraction. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but a guy who has some level of discipline in his diet and is reasonably active will instantaneously have a much better time getting dates than a guy who's eating junk food all the time and isn't consistently keeping active. But that will make you more attractive to people in general to be honest.

spankyourkopita · 2021-11-12T17:41:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Yesm3can · 2021-11-12T13:45:28+00:00

I have to speak up on behalf of guys I know that got rejected every so often and staying single involuntarily.

None of them are acting like that. All of them are just ordinary, very normal human being.

What happened is, believe it or not, often down to bad luck. And a simple wrong place and wrong time.

Oftentimes the woman they express interest on are unfortunately not open for relationship because they (the women) were on 'monk mode'. Yes, women can have monk mode too. Where they focus on themselves and work on themselves (which is great and suggested for everyone!) And when even the most eligible bachlor comes to her at this point, often she'd turned him down.

The woman they liked have already had their eyes for someone else, they woman they liked are already with someone else, the woman they liked are lesbian, etc.

Some it is even as simple as crazy far distance.

I am sorry but I just have to say this. There is a stigma of guys who try again and again and still failing. But many of times, those guys are just ordinary human who got unlucky. If someone can apply to 20 companies and still got rejected despite graduating with good marks, why can't success and failing in getting a relationship be seen the same?

xvszero · 2021-11-12T22:23:05+00:00

Unlike what red pill would claim, even "Chads" get constantly rejected if they just arbitrarily keep asking out a bunch of people they barely even tried to make a real connection with. You just fire wildly and you're naturally going to get a lot of misses.

Now, some guys often make the opposite mistake, thinking they need to become friends with someone and spend months getting to know them before asking them out. That rarely works either, to be honest, though when it does, it can be awesome.

But the best bet is to ask someone out fairly early on, but ONLY IF YOU ACTUALLY FEEL A CONNECTION. Consider why you are asking a specific person out. Do you think they're hot? Cool, lots of people are hot though. What specifically about this specific person is interesting to you? What about their beliefs, their ideals, their personality, their hobbies, etc.? Have you even gotten to know them well enough to answer that question?

This doesn't have to take days or weeks, it can even be at the end of a single conversation, but like... something has to be there or you're just firing wildly.

HGW86 · 2021-11-12T23:37:24+00:00

This ex-redpill subreddit along with a few others are full of men trying to find the answer that very question themselves and the reasons vary person by person because men are not monoliths.

Some of them do have "mommy issues", some of them have sibling issues, some of them have severe inferiority complexes, many of them were victims of bullying, many of them have crippling anxiety issues, some of them don't put enough effort into themselves, some have body dysmorphia, some of them have stupid ideological hang-ups (example being some grew up in strict religious households that forbid any discussions on sex and dating and because of this, the only things they learned about dating/women is from movies they've watched), many have mixtures of what I've listed, there are probably issues that are not listed.

What's worse is we also have to deal with the redpill pushers, who heavily exploit a lot of the insecurities caused by a lot of the things I've listed which is not only a horrible thing for the unfortunate men who get exploited because instead of dealing with their own issues, they start fixating and blaming and hating women/feminists/liberals/etc for all their problems, it's getting so bad that it's becoming a big problem for society as a whole.

I appreciate subreddits like this because it allows men to rant about problems like that without judgement while keeping out the predatory riff-raff, because I want them to come to places like this rather than chase the redpill dragon and become really shitty people to other people and themselves.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2021-11-12T22:36:14+00:00

Because he’s obviously insincere, and tries it on everyone so you know you’re nothing special.

hagakurejunkie · 2021-11-13T01:14:33+00:00

You're suffering from cognitive dissonance. "If it works for me, what's everyone else's problem?"

What a bizarre outlook you lead that you assume that everyone is just like you.

BiggMuffy · 2021-11-13T01:32:25+00:00

It's a numbers thing to them.

Big nets get fish.

Only they are pulling out lines in the worst or most inappropriate situations.

After awhile I think they just get humor from it.

Newbie1955 · 2021-11-16T15:50:06+00:00

Men (and women) who do this have no self esteem and are expecting others to provide it for them. It's entitlement. They can't or don't know how to build value in themselves and are trying to get others to give value to them through association.

Equivalent-Run7156 · 2021-11-21T09:09:17+00:00

Rejection is made up by 2 main factors, looks and personality. These can be categorised into smaller subcategories to get a more in depth understanding like height, facial aesthetic, ambition, neediness, agreeableness, humour etc. This is ultimately what it comes down to, and unfortunately no one has a choice in what personality they acquired and how they look, of course you can change your personality to a degree but you can’t change your neurology, some are neurologically different which affects personality. Knowing this you just need be aware of the fact that you have been given this hand of cards and you need to maximise your potential with it. Groom yourself, have goals, be ambitious, be well spoken, be interesting, have hobbies, stay active etc. max your potential out and if you think you already have and you still can’t get any dates, trust me you haven’t maxed your hand of cards out.

B33Man88 · 2021-11-21T12:30:07+00:00

Being phony and not having anything interesting going on usually hurts. Not having a common interests or friends is also a major handicap. I think not having the fundamentals relationship initiating and building probably are where they went wrong. Not having expectations, being non-threatening, being comfortable and honest with yourself, listening, and following social cues are all what helped me break out of being socially awkward and off putting.

Magnificent_Risker · 2022-07-19T02:25:42+00:00

I went wrong when I was born with the wrong genetics. Short, unattractive and I just don't have the "it" factor. I have tried extremely hard in life, probably harder than most. I have been working out for multiple years, but with my height it just doesn't matter. Attractiveness is the make or break it in life. If you are ugly, it really is over. You should not have been born.

Title	For men who constantly get rejected where did they go wrong and why are they like that?
Author	spankyourkopita
Upvotes	30
Comments	37
Date	November 12, 2021 4:23 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/qs390a/for_men_who_constantly_get_rejected_where_did/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/for-men-who-constantly-get-rejected-where-did-they.1084568 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084568

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