I can’t escape

anomalocarus · 2026-04-09T03:32:41+00:00

I used to be like you and then i started looking at selfcare content and eventually my entire algorithm changed and now im normal now. Just go on tiktok and search for skincare or selfcare tips, and stop looking at all that manosphere stuff.

meleyys · 2026-04-09T02:33:10+00:00

This is a job for a therapist.

Captain_Croaker · 2026-04-09T02:44:45+00:00

You are already human. You always have been. You always will be. It's an immutable fact about you, and no one can change that, even if they gaslight you into feeling otherwise. You are more than what's between your legs. You are not just a breeding machine. You are a person, with agency, with complexity, and you possess the inherent dignity that comes with your humanity. You deserve to be treated with respect, and you deserve to have compassion and respect for yourself, as hard as that may be when you've been mistreated for so long. As hard as it might be to believe right now when you have so many voices telling you otherwise and when you are in so much pain, you are a human being. Nothing less. Come back and read this to yourself if you must every time you start to doubt it.

I am so, so sorry for everything you've been through. The invalidation and abuse you've suffered and the rabid misogyny rampant in our culture is gut-wrenching, and it's completely understandable that it has affected you so deeply. You deserve to have men in your life who recognize your humanity and treat you with respect. You deserve better because everyone would deserve better.

Your suffering is real, you are feeling it, and it's valid. Anyone in your position would feel it. *People who are suffering **need** attention*. It doesn't make you an "attention whore" (whatever that means) to seek help when you need it. People who are suffering moreover *deserve* to be helped by virtue of their humanity. You've been made to feel dehumanized, and you've been preemptively shamed so you feel you do not deserve help. But you do deserve help and support and love. You do by virtue of the humanity you possess. We don't call a person who goes to a medical doctor because they are in chronic pain an "attention whore". You are in chronic psychological pain. A therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy will be able to give you very valuable tools for getting yourself into a headspace where you can manage your pain and decide what options are available to you for making the most of the hand life has dealt you. There are therapists who are also trained in feminist approaches, I would recommend looking for one if you are able.

I would also recommend finding either irl or online spaces that are feminist-aligned, and specifically for women, where women can provide mutual support and uplift each other. Women have proven to be very good at helping each other through these sorts of things as unfortunately it has been necessary for them. Women's resilience through the hell that patriarchy so often puts them through is honestly inspiring, the myth (read: *lie*) that women are the "weaker sex" is cope by men who are so small on the inside that they need to bully others so they can play pretend that they are big. You have an inner strength in you that you are finding it difficult to access because you've been told it isn't there. I promise you it is. There is no shame in being a woman. You may not feel that right now, but it's true. You deserve to take pride in being a woman.

My final piece of advice for the moment: Unplug from all online spaces where there is a chance of seeing incel, redpill, or whatever other manosphere content. I know this may be easier said than done, and sometimes people develop a kind of compulsion to seek out the things they know will hurt them. When we feel worried that the terrible things people say about us are true, there can be a kind of relief in surrendering ourselves to the feeling that is true after all, and so we go and find people who say things which confirm all our worst fears about ourselves. It's a common response to the kind of thing you are going through, you aren't alone, and it is something that lots of people have gotten help for. It might be hard to do on your own, but until you are able to get some support, to whatever extent you are able, avoid this sort of content online. It is confirming a cognitive bias you have against yourself and reinforcing the negative self-talk.

I know I'm a faceless stranger to you and it may not mean much coming from me, but take it for what it's worth: I'm proud of you. You are going through a lot and you found the strength and courage to post here and express yourself. There's a strength in letting yourself be vulnerable and expressing yourself, whether you realize it or not. I truly hope you are able to find the support and help you deserve. I wish I could do more than just type affirmations and unprofessional advice on a screen but I hope that I've been at least some help here.

No-Language-4424 · 2026-04-09T03:45:14+00:00

Many 'red pill' gurus are essentially salespeople. They feed men a diet of lies and fear, knowing that nothing makes a person’s thinking more erratic than fear. This leads men to purchase courses or mentorships that often cost $10,000 or more. These gurus utilize a classic sales tactic: manufacture the problem, then sell the solution. Any guru flaunting a Lamborghini or a mansion is likely making their fortune by selling fear to vulnerable teens and young adults. Also look into sales funnels / high ticket sales. They are good at that

Comfortable_Intern57 · 2026-04-09T07:27:54+00:00

Oh hon, don't let these mentally ill men make you feel bad about yourself. These men are the minority and not how most men think

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2026-04-09T06:05:14+00:00

You will see me telling this to guys, too; get out more. Meet people. Not just for dating, actually meet people, learn the world is bigger and more diverse in thought, more interesting, more worthwhile than extreme internet echo chambers. Seriously, get yourself off the internet, and time away from relatives. Expand your world.

And if you have incel stuff in your reels, newsfeed, whatever, look for a "not interested" option to fix your algorithm. When you click "not interested" on enough of these, the algorithm will get the hint and stop giving you incel shows like "Whatever".

palibard · 2026-04-09T01:58:44+00:00

Your dad is shit. Sorry.

You need to find some feminist spaces. You won’t be the first woman to come from a misogynistic environment or have toxic family members.

You’ve already learned everything the redpill people have to say. Time to learn the other side. Scrub your feeds of any redpill stuff and seek out feminist stuff instead. Find feminists and women’s groups in real life. You need to explore their ideas and hear them out. You have internalized sexism, you aren’t the first, and they can help.

Tushie77 · 2026-04-10T03:09:16+00:00

Therapist here. (I'm also a female therapist who is very familiar with the Incelosphere).

Normally I'd suggest someone in the Incelosphere see a clinician who (a) knows about digital cultures, and (b) is trauma-informed. I'd be less concerned with a specific therapeutic modality as long as you connect with someone and they're well trained and they can see you for the full you. (I also say this because you mentioned that you clam up around therapists.)

BUT, from the little you describe about yourself, you may want to look into a type of therapy called 'Cognitive Processing Therapy'. The reason I suggest it is because it works with the beliefs / mental frameworks people hold, specifically as they relate to trauma experiences. It seems like you grew up hearing stories that women were awful per your dad's stories, so in some ways, it kind of makes perfect sense that you'd gravitate to Incelosphere spaces that are more misogynistic. This Incelosphere stories you found "fit" with the version of the world that you've heard from your dad. (Interestingly enough, I know that Incel spaces vary significantly, so I think it's really meaningful that you found the most misogynistic spaces... not all are, so you possibly gravitated -- unintentionally -- to the ones that most mirrored what you heard growing up. This is just an armchair theory without knowing you.)

But, back to Cognitive Processing Therapy... it acknowledges that after we have traumatic experiences, our brains make sense of them by creating a story of our pain. This story, however, may be a story of how we FEEL about ourselves, and it's a story that's fundamentally clouded by and shaped by our trauma, which can tell us that we're bad. A big part of therapy is figuring out what our trauma stories are, and making sure that the way we're actively looking at our lives (and their meaningful events) aren't clouded by it in a way that makes it more difficult for us to live well. Trauma changes how we see things. Period. [Edit: And therapy helps us see the trauma that clouds that vision. It's not permanent, which is amazing.]

There's also another angle that's really important. It makes perfect sense that your brain believes this stuff. The reason it makes sense is because you've encountered it for so long online. There's a veritable wealth of academic literature on belief formation that explains that if we encounter the same information over and over, we start to believe it. Simply knowing this -- and simply actively changing your algorithm by engaging with totally different content -- will help you encounter new narratives and actively expand your media diet. I like to explain that some media habits basically put blinders on you (on all of us who encounter this stuff), but you can actively shift your engagement to see other content and engage in other spaces if you try. Admittedly there aren't a ton of therapists who work from this lens, so you may want to also look for digital literacy support and nonprofits that work with folks who leave close-knit communities.

Sending my very best to you. Help is out there, and I promise you can access it. I think step one is finding the right therapist.

PleasePleaseHer · 2026-04-10T11:35:10+00:00

I’m sorry you have conflated 4chan, your brother and father and all men. I don’t want to not all men your very important and real observations, but I think you need to be much further away from these people and spaces. Because honestly, there are a lot of men and women out there who don’t behave in this way.

Patriarchy and misogyny do pervade all aspects of life though, so as others have said you need to find support to build resilience. Have you considered building muscle or learning to fight? Something tangible to help you feel safer?

Try to switch up the media you consume as well. Happy to offer tips here if you feel trapped in the manosphere (or even criticism of, as it keeps you in orbit).

Life is so much more complex than gender binaries so I hope you do get to break away from all this!

AdComprehensive7939 · 2026-04-10T15:57:37+00:00

You are not lost or ruined. The way you articulate yourself is clear evidence of that. If you can, go very low to no contact with your dad and brother for a while. Keep strong boundaries. I recommend looking into reparenting/ inner child work and emdr if you haven't explored those. And finally (this is the hardest one for all of us) get off the screens as much as possible. These things are terrible for us. Spend more time in nature. Join some clubs that meet face to face (gaming, music, sports etc) Go old school, take a social media cleanse. Stay out of forums that can be seeded with sock puppets and crappy people. Social media is addictive and has warped the perception of millions, and much of it predatory and by design. If you cut out exposure to toxic places where these narratives are present, there will be less to reinforce them. I do not believe you have ruined yourself. You seem self aware and articulate. Many people don't believe those things, men and women. Find more of us in real life and make us your new chosen family. The people who believe those things (as you know) are deeply miserable underneath it all, the men too typically.

TerrestrialNoobie · 2026-04-12T11:18:46+00:00

Hey, the same happened to me, too. I’m female, 29 now, and have also been deeply in the space since my teens. Just like you, I’ve hated barely for being a woman, hated being female, and was deeply convinced of being inherently inferior, worse, less of a human and the only thing I’d be capable of that would be considered valuable is to give birth to children and erase any bit of identity that wasn’t rooted in silence and submission. I was also a victim of rape, and abuse, first by my father and later by my husband (I was married at 19). Even read the bible and lived like a “perfect wife” according to Christian standards, and had a child resulting from that marriage. At some point after being beaten and degraded, and lost access to my own money and fully isolated, I wondered why women are hated so much. If we are inferior, why do we have the capacity to see, hear, think, speak and feel just like men? My breaking point was when I was almost killed and fell into the deepest depression of my life for years. What can help.. look into women in history. Read about women’s contributions in science, technology, economy, medicine, literature, read about pre Christian history specifically in Europe, about women’s social contributions not only as wives and mothers but healers, teachers, hunters, and more. Read about women’s specific abilities such as higher social skills, intuition based on our ability to read and notice microexpressions, our inherent ability to focus on details which often get overlooked. And - work. Work in a female dominated field, nursing or otherwise, where you are surrounded by competent people and especially women where you make the experience of women’s abilities and competence. Watch YouTube videos of men - specifically men - who speak about their exit of the sphere, how they debunk those beliefs, and ridicule those worth ridiculing. Online communities, even on instagram, are extremely vile a lot of the time, especially comment sections, so that is very painful. Not reading them isn’t as easy as one might think. I took the step yesterday to delete my socials, including instagram and Facebook. Whilst you rationally already know but it may not get through to you because you’re experiencing a significant form of trauma, I still think it’s important for you to hear again and again: you are human. You are a human, not inferior, not incompetent, not stupid. You don’t have to go to the opposite extreme of radical feminism either, but do read actual history on women’s contributions and inventions. After World War Two for example, it was women who rebuilt the cities and towns, not men.

DearElise · 2026-04-09T23:21:41+00:00

I am happily married but discovered rp spaces early on too, but didn’t become rp myself until much later. It has affected my life quite a lot that even now I can resonate with some of your grievances. However, reality is often shaped by your environment. In my case I was lucky to have been surrounded by male figures and friends who were perfectly normal and they make up the large majority of people. At the time I discovered rp I was with an ex. I had the same initial reaction you did. He explained to me how these people were broken and trying to rationalize their own traumatic experiences. You don’t sound like you have a similar circle so of course it’s all going to affect your self esteem. You should distance yourself from your brother and father asap and find normal men to befriend. They are the majority.

Fuzzherp · 2026-04-12T15:13:12+00:00

Ive been keeping tabs on this growing movement since 2014, and although im older, i go through phases like this. These men are sick and disconnected from reality. This is a manufactured issue, men that hold manosphere beliefs are reactionary and easy to control and market to. In a reactionary world, they thrive.
Consume other content, distance yourself from this, surround yourself with good people and cultivate interests outside of this. These days, I only consume manosphere content through this sort of outlet, or the lens of people breaking it down and pushing back against it. If you are going to interact with it, make it productive. Educate yourself, educate others, tell your brother off, become yourself.

SuchSelection4252 · 2026-04-24T04:41:27+00:00

You're not wrong to be scared or uncomfortable. But this trend neary slipped by me.

Its not in your head. Society became red pilled.

The obsession with looksmaxxing, military culture, alpha males, the nuclear family, female submission, female wombs, diet culture, gym culture, eugenics, etc.

It crept in slowly but now its borderline cemented. People who think they're liberal are regurgitating red pill content unconsicously because theyre too busy engaging in bipartisan politics to notice.

I nearly missed it until it suddenly clicked. But there are still progressive minded people out there

I would avoid anyone you think might be prone to group think or irrational behavior in general. Doesn't hurt to go towards quieter, more introspective people for the time being

katkat47 · 2026-04-29T23:54:04+00:00

I've felt this too. My dad was extremely misogynistic. He only accepted that I was a lesbian because lesbianism is 'sexy'. He also said it would be normal for me to be cheated on with men since that's the point of women. My dad has always treated me like the dumbest, most usless thing. I use to hate being a woman. I hated being weak, being emotional, being illogical. I hated being soft and kindhearted, I hated developing double d breasts at 13 because I knew that meant I was now a sex object.

Then I got older, and I realized something. 1) I realized I was a lesbian, and that helped me decanter mens opinions completely. After all, why care about what they find attractive if im not attracted to them anyway? Then I realized that the men saying those misogynistic things to me...all along...were fucking losers.

My dad is in his sixties now, divorced because he couldn't stop cussing out and abusing his wife and he blames women to this day. He is a bitter, mentally unstable man whose never been able to hold down a woman outside of my mother. And now, his kids, all 3 of them, even his son, don't want to talk to him. So his opinion of me slowly began to not matter. Because at the end of the day I realized I was better than him.

I was a better man than him. I showed up for my siblings, took them to school, bought prom dresses and supplies. I protected them and my mother. And him? Well he bought booze and prostitutes. Why the hell would I care what a lowlife like him thinks of me, much less women.

The truth is men that are that misogynistic are extremely jealous of women. Because deep down they know you show them up, and you do it as the 'weaker' gender. The biological differences between man and woman aren't even extreme, any woman can fight, any woman can learn to fix a car or the plumbing. I certainly have. So what special thing is injected via ball sack that would make my dad superior to me? Nothing.

The biggest lie women are told and naturally believe, is that we are not capable and we are inferior to men for some unknown reason. But look at the men saying these things...are they really winning? The answer is no. They are 60, alone, and can't get their daughter to pick up the phone. Not to mention these red pill guys dont even practice what they preach, they trick men for a paycheck. Rp creators know its bs, they dont even actually believe it. They have 0 qualifications, no sociology degree, no background in gender studies or biology. Being male dosent make what they are saying intelligent or correct, but that another thing we women are conditioned to believe.

actuallylinkstrummer · 2026-04-09T06:17:41+00:00

I’ve seen a lot of that incel/RP stuff as well and it’s very sad. I will say this though:

Real men have the natural urge to protect and defend people like you, that’s one of the purposes of a man and healthy masculinity.

Whatever RP/manosphere stuff we’ve seen online is a perversion of that.

GoalDull4985 · 2026-04-09T22:43:27+00:00

Hi girl, I'm so sorry you've been through this! Speaking as woman myself, I would strongly recommend you spend time on the 4B sub, and build community within 4B.

oseday · 2026-04-10T13:54:33+00:00

What the fuck? Don't you dare check what women are talking about men then you'll get a second trauma lol.

Title	I can’t escape
Author	Fun-Entrepreneur7365
Upvotes	49
Comments	56
Date	April 9, 2026 1:39 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1sgc0ga/i_cant_escape/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-cant-escape.1577487 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577487

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