I'm addicted to seeing escorts. I need advice.

PPDThrowaway77 · 2022-05-09T21:20:53+00:00

I fully respect disabled men seeing escorts. Some people are dealt shit cards in life and should still get to have fun. That said, a single prosthetic appendage isn't a huge disability. I know guys with worse who still play sports and get laid.

The bigger problem is that your life sounds empty and you feel shitty about yourself because of your foot. Maybe you need to find a cool sport or club accessible for people like you. It'll improve your fitness, state of mind, quality of life, self-confidence, and perhaps access to women.

prairieboy1996 · 2022-05-09T19:43:17+00:00

The obvious answer is to see a psychiatrist. Therapy is the only way you’re going to fix your poor self esteem.

Knave_of_Opossums · 2022-05-09T19:03:03+00:00

What advice are you looking for? Do you want someone to tell you to stop seeing escorts? You didn't mention earlier that part of the reason you're so overworked is this habit. I mean, it's your life, do what you want, as long as you are polite and respectful to these women and have the money, I don't really see the issue.

destingerek · 2022-05-10T00:29:58+00:00

"I'm not interesting at all". You write this as if there is nothing you can do about it, but this is the part that is the MOST in your own control. Pick up some hobbies. If you aren't sure what to do, You could ask yourself, 'what would an interesting person do?' and DO THAT!

BECOME a person whom you think is interesting. You already have only one foot. That's pretty damn interesting!

Here's an interesting man with one foot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C88gTQF3uo
This man skis with one foot:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1rqcJkqiUg

Here's a one legged man dancing. That's interesting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IrKhfV-yTQ

Check out this interesting man's one legged halloween costumes:
https://www.boredpanda.com/one-legged-man-halloween-costume-josh-sundquist

Clearly your one foot isn't what makes you uninteresting.
Choose to become more interesting.
Starting now.

Gaddammitkyle · 2022-05-09T22:30:47+00:00

I highly recommend therapy and deleting the escorting sites for a bit. I'm cursed with a similar mindset too, however it seems you actually have the financial situation necessary to seek therapy and get the negative beliefs trapped in your mind flushed out.

You can do this.

skon7 · 2022-05-09T22:14:26+00:00

Do you want to stop seeing them? Are you suggesting that you want to stop and have a real relationship with someone?

My only suggestion is to maybe actually find someone you can bond who has a similar health condition, etc.

I would also recommend trying other interests because then you could actually find more things to bond with women over.

I do know escorts that have actually bonded with their clients but I just don’t want to promise anything because many times it’s a job for them and nothing more

brokenB42morrow · 2022-05-10T03:23:28+00:00

Use the money to travel and see the world.

carritotaquito · 2022-05-09T19:19:20+00:00

You are not doing anything technically wrong, but here are some hacks to work smarter!!

I would recommend that you work on developing better work skills (learning new languages, programming/coding, bookkeeping, taking extension classes, etc) to land a higher (single) paying job.

Then, just stick to fewer sex workers at a time. Have a roster of regular providers that you cycle around according to what they provide.

AtlasHJack69 · 2022-05-10T03:01:06+00:00

Just for research purposes where you find these escorts? Is it legal?

Venustarr_777 · 2022-05-09T22:22:00+00:00

I don't think you're addicted to sex or even have a so called escort problem. I think that you lack true intimacy and use escorts to make up for it.

Being non judgemental, but maybe find someone like you?🤷 Are you into online dating? There's Disability match and Disabled Singles.

MavKM · 2022-05-10T05:46:56+00:00

Tbh to me it seems like you're using every excuse you can to see these women, being black and not having a foot doesn't make you instantly unattractive to women, maybe have a look at who you are as a person and what your life is like for a reason

coffeetablestain · 2022-05-09T19:09:10+00:00

There is nothing inherently immoral or bad about seeing escorts, this isn't church and you don't get absolved of your sins by admitting how many you've paid for physical intimacy.

People have been seeing escorts or paid companions of some sort or another since the dawn of time. What does matter is if your compulsion to get sex is harming your life, which it sounds like it may be if you're working extra to support it and are still unhappy. That's the hallmarks of an unhealthy addiction. Likely you are also killing any free time you may otherwise spend working on yourself or real relationships.

This is not a redpill issue, unless you think it has answers for sex/porn addiction, which it sounds like you're potentially dealing with.

Having one foot is only going to hurt your chances of forming a good, healthy and loving relationship if you decide that it will.

There are people confined to wheelchairs and missing more limbs who meet people and have kids and have good lives. Your attitude towards your own differences and handicaps is what determines how much they interfere with your goals.

It sounds more like a convenient excuse to keep engaging in behavior that you enjoy but feel guilty about. You're not looking for a relationship, you're looking for more sex with different women, and you don't want to put the effort into being better, feeling better and engaging with others in new ways.

Nothing is necessarily wrong with any of this, if you want casual sex more than you want to date, and you rather pay for it than try to use dating apps, then so? The only conflict comes here is if you're doing something you don't want to, and can't stop or change. In that case, a compulsion is controlling your life and you would need to consider professional help in thought/feeling management. It sounds like you're deeply alone in life and probably don't have anyone telling you that the state of your mind is shit and you have to make changes, but somewhere deep inside you know you do.

may_seven · 2022-05-09T21:14:33+00:00

umm *looks around* congratulations?

Meiguishui · 2022-05-10T01:11:01+00:00

As others said, there’s no shame in seeing escorts if you’re treating them respectfully and not cheating on anyone. It’s kind of cool that you took on extra work to afford it; that’s what people do when they want something!

Think of it this way, you’re a hardworking guy who has been with hundreds of beautiful women. When I was an escort I actually enjoyed it for the most part and some guys I was really attracted to even if they wouldn’t have been my type in regular life. It’s kind of like teacher crushes; they’re hot because they’re your teacher. Either way, you’re fulfilling your needs for human connection in a way that feels accessible to you at the moment. There may come a time when you don’t need it anymore. But then again some men see escorts into their golden years and die with a smile on their face.

sernamedeleted · 2022-05-10T02:36:15+00:00

Every man thinks his life would be better if he grew a foot. 🥁

MelodiousTones · 2022-05-09T19:03:20+00:00

Why do you feel bad about it? You aren’t hurting anyone.

Rare-Cash2655 · 2022-05-09T19:40:15+00:00

Next time you are with an escort, understand that prostitution is paying to rape someone. That person doesn't want to have sex with you, but bills need to be paid. Kids mouths need to be fed. And even worse, maybe she was trafficked! All in all she doesnt want to have sex, that's why you need to pay for it. If people want sex with you, you never have to pay them for it then it for free. So when you enter/start penatrating the escort next time, say to yourself: I'm raping this person right now. Just because I'm paying to have sex with someone who doesn't want this sex at this moment with me, doesn't make it less rape. The damage done to this person is the same as rape, money can't take that away. You see it as pleasure, but for the escort it's a horrible experience. EVERY TIME! Doesn't matter if you are nice to her, you are there to rape her. Maybe when you realize what you are really doing to those people in prostitution, you can't do it anymore. Well, if you have a heart and some emphaty, maybe.

How do I know so well? I worked with a lot of prostitutes as a social worker. They are all troubled with severe PTSD from being used for sex like that. I have had friends in prostitution too. I know their side of the story and it broke my heart hearing and seeing how much they suffer from it. Maybe if you knew the truth about what you are doing to those women, you couldn't enjoy it anymore. So keep in mind: prostitution is paying to RAPE someone. Do you want to rape people? Is that the man you want to be, a serial rapist?

Rare-Cash2655 · 2022-05-10T06:07:11+00:00

You should be ashamed! Why should it be OK to rape people? Just because you paid for it? You are all fucked up!

Comfortable-Toe-7870 · 2022-05-09T20:20:59+00:00

You should grow some balls and stop feeling sorry for yourself and being a poc doesn’t mean anything in regards to online dating.

theflamingheads · 2022-05-09T19:11:09+00:00

You work too much to pay for escorts, which makes you tired and not do anything other than watching sports, which lowers your self esteem, which leads you back to escorts.

It's a cycle you have to break. Either see less escorts, or start doing something interesting or just cut down on work so you have more time & energy for more enjoyable hobbies. You have to make the change.

SiM93REESECUP · 2022-05-10T04:15:56+00:00

Honestly, you sound pathetic.

Angieslost · 2022-05-09T20:01:38+00:00

The most concerning aapect is that their were two trans, and you did not mention your bisexuality. Is this the aspect that has traumatized you the most?

LOTEZK · 2022-05-09T22:00:23+00:00

Godspeed.

Rhianu · 2022-05-10T05:27:40+00:00

I’ve seen plenty of athletes with missing legs use those special prosthetics designed for running. Can’t you use one of those?

sawyer94117 · 2022-05-10T08:49:24+00:00

Confusing what you're asking here. Care to be more specific? Is it to kick this habit? To find someone steady? To balance both? Neither?

You could take the money you'd put into this an reinvest it into yourself. Probably won't be bagging any swimsuit models, but it's something you could build from.

I guess the only thing I could add is that people have their own things going on, so don't try to be too overbearing with yours. Consider this, if there was a version of you that made this a defining aspect of who you are and how you carried yourself, would you rather hang out with someone like that or someone who doesn't? Would you want to be faced with all the negatives going on in all your friends' lives all the time? No one's perfect and we could either let our imperfections weigh us down, or not. I'm not saying to pretend you're without fault, rather that people tend not to focus on what's solid about themselves and build from there. For the most part, most people are mostly average, with the rest being mostly weakness, but all have certain strengths, rare as they may be. It's those that should be gardened, fostered, and grown.

(Lastly, by the sounds of it, you're looking to these women for approval, odd as that might sound. But it's not all that surprising. After all, without that pressure, society may not have formed as it has and we may not have developed as we have. Thing is, these professionals are only doing/saying what they are in the interest of their own interests. Even if you shack up with someone, that'll still be the case. That's why you've got to shift the center of your approval to within -- that's not to say to think that everything you do is great cause it's you doing it, you still must be discerning, rather think of what you'd say if it were a best mate, firm but fair, you're already pretty hard on yourself, so it would just consist of dialing that back to the point of where it would be for someone whose back you were watching.)

wittypink · 2022-05-10T11:07:44+00:00

If you want to stop seeing them, there’s a free support group called SAA (Sex Addiction Anonymous) or SLAA (Sex and Love Addiction Anonymous). They are one of the many sister fellowships of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and you could find support and community there with like minded people whom are going through the same issues with you, plus a 12 step solution for fixing that “hole in the soul” addicts so commonly face. SLAA has more of an emphasis on addiction around sex, love and relationships whereas SAA focuses more on the sex element with many attendees having issues around addiction to sex, porn, sleeping with escorts, etc. Google “SAA meetings” in your area and turn up to one, they’re completely free and you don’t have to talk or share at a meeting if you don’t want to. Generally they are pretty welcoming places with tea/coffee/biscuits and friendly empathetic people who lived experience of what your going through.

PS, many women would be able to look past a prosthetic foot!

Good luck on your journey OP🙏

Title	I'm addicted to seeing escorts. I need advice.
Author	murgasams
Upvotes	43
Comments	60
Date	May 9, 2022 6:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/ulycek/im_addicted_to_seeing_escorts_i_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-addicted-to-seeing-escorts-i-need-advice.1114866 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114866

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