Re-phrasing my last post

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-09-27T13:02:52+00:00

My sympathies. It’s human nature to focus on our own problems first. It’s not too surprising that men and women focus on their own gendered issues than on issues of the other gender. How many men focus on women’s issue’s? As a man, I sympathize with women, but I don’t spend most of my waking moments thinking about the issues women face. Why would I expect women to be any different?

SophiaPhilae · 2022-09-27T13:52:07+00:00

Even before birth, individuals are sorted into two social groups, men and women, and this is a very fertile ground for well-known psycho-social phenomena such as perceiving the out-group as homogeneous. This applies to women who think all men are or should be stoic, and to men who think no woman can care. Of course, you'll also find men who think men should be stoic because of their own sexism, and women who think women shouldn't care because of a misplaced sense of rebellion.

There are women who do care about what you mentioned, others who could be made to care if informed, others which would indeed strongly resist considering it. For social change we should focus first on people of goodwill, then the increasing peer pressure can take care of the rest. Then the question becomes how to find those persons of goodwill, how to build bridges with them, and how to avoid those who cling to gender essentialism. Also, and you already alluded to that, but heterosexual relationships aren't the only solution to loneliness, there's friendship too, and guys can be nice and sensitive towards other guys too, if they allow themselves to be and take the risk to try it out. If we stay stuck in the tit for tat mentality, nothing will improve.

domitori3 · 2022-09-27T13:05:51+00:00

a lot of what makes male specific loneliness so depressing and difficult is the fact women will always have more options

Are you trying to base your self worth on someone elses quantitative properties? Someone always would have more of anything, be it options, money, experiences, whatnot.

and only a small threshold of men are going to have success with these platforms

Then don't use the platforms you've mentioned. Life is bigger then some app. And, to be honest, it's already known that men constitute the majority of users in dating apps. Of course they would have a harder time.

and I feel often they prioritise their own emotions and needs first in
pretty much every scenario, especially when it comes to loaded topics

Lets define here who "they" are? Are we talking about strangers? Isn't it expected that strangers wouldn't care about us, if that doesn't concern them?

I genuinely believe MOST women simply do not care about male issues or even understand them

The question then is - what's in it for you? Why you think that this is important for you? How this "caring" would affect you, if that would be the case?

SweelFor- · 2022-09-27T14:29:25+00:00

Your issue is simple, you view the world as men vs women. The group of 4 billion men vs the group of 4 billion women.

Why do you decide to divide the world in this way?

Maybe it's true that most women don't care or understand "male issues", whatever that is. Maybe it's true that most men don't care or understand "women issues", whatever that is.

Maybe it's true that most able people don't care about most disabled people's issues. Maybe it's true that most hetero people don't care about gay people's issues. Maybe it's true that most 1st world people don't care about 3rd world people's issues.

It's a tough world. Most people barely understand their own issues. Do men understand men's issues? Do women understand women's issues? If that was the case, there wouldn't be a "red pill" and an "ex red pill" subreddit. Clearly, the act of being a certain gender does not give that person infinite wisdom and insight into the issues of their gender.

Maybe you should focus less on men vs women and more on individuals.

Why are you fixated on the idea that the group of women "don't care" about "men's issues" in particular? Do you need the group of women to care about "men's issues" for any particular reason?

This is such a vague problem to be upset about, what do you imagine the solution looks like exactly?

If the problem is your own issues, then relying on the vague group of women to somehow come to the rescue and fix them, that will not work. If the problem is your own issues, the solution is not 4 billion people suddenly being interested in them, it's your own support system.

Hypothetically if "women don't care about men's issues" is a true statement (I don't know what it means but let's say it's true), the fact that this is a true statement changes nothing about the fact that you can still get all the needed support if you want.

meghan518 · 2022-09-27T21:03:04+00:00

Is men's loneliness a real issue, yes.

Do many women talk about and are concerned about it, yes.

Does every women think deeply and care greatly about it, no. Like most humans we mainly care about what effects us and our close loved ones personally. No cause has 100% approval by everyone.

I think relying on "understanding" to create change is a slow and rarely useful route. It's also a terrible place to get trapped emotionally. If every woman on earth woke up tomorrow and suddenly was aware of men's loneliness , it would likely not change much. The system that creates this problem is too big for just understanding alone to fix. I know that idea is a bit sad, but it is realistic. BLM, women's rights, workers rights, none of these are able to fixed only through understanding, and the longer you wait around for this the longer it takes to get real change.

If men want an issue to get addressed, like most groups in history they will have to work together to create resources and change. Most men are not used to having to organize and create community aid. Focusing your energy from getting women to understand , to creating resources for men is probably a more useful way to spend your time and energy.

We need men's support groups, male teachers, male mentors, legal resources, men's shelters, addiction resources, raising money to aid with introducing legislation, ect..

Rook_Cross · 2022-09-27T19:12:09+00:00

women don't seem to take men's issues seriously and I feel often they prioritize their own emotions and needs first in pretty much every scenario, especially when it comes to loaded topics. You are guilty of EXACTLY this. You ignore, downplay, or don't think women's problems exist. You are concerned with yours and males first and foremost. What you are going on bout is a problem for both sexes, some individuals within each sex more than others. Not every man or woman is unsympathetic to the loneliness of others but there is only so much one can do to help, especially if they don't want to be romantically involved with them, and when the "lonely" person, has unrealistic expectations, won't help themself and resents others and thinks their suffering is unique and more important. This post about men having it hard, women having it easy and not caring about men is repeated ad nauseam, and here you are posting it not once, but twice. YOU DON'T GET IT. It's not everyone else, it's men like you, and the women who are their counterparts. It's you people who need to change and stop being so narcissistic, envious, resentful, bitter, negative, entitled and on. You also have to stop chasing after bad things. Sex should not be used as a way to self confidence, that's ridiculous. You create and exacerbate your own problems. People being abused or who aren't conventionally attractive do unfairly suffer but that does not entitle them to make others suffer, to any attention, or to diminish the suffering of others. Most people who suffer tend to become kinder, not crueler. Yet the kind of men and women who post this "woe is me" stuff seem to have sunk to the level of their abusers. Change yourself, value the right things, you'll have a better life. Stop worrying about what others have or don't have and don't feel sorry for yourself. You're hurting yourself and others.

xvszero · 2022-09-27T18:02:56+00:00

the fact women will always have more options

Women have more options to have their bodies used, that's about it. That doesn't solve loneliness and can in fact make it much deeper.

I feel often they prioritise their own emotions and needs first in pretty much every scenario

That's 99% of people, period, which is a large part of why dating / relationships are so hard.

Besides, didn't you say in the other thread that you basically don't care about anyone? You have to get the plank out of your own eye first, so to speak.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2022-09-27T21:04:13+00:00

Men would be less lonely if they pursued a relationship more than just sex.

Men would also be less lonely if they stopped "punching above their weight". There are plenty of single ladies that would date a less than perfect looking guy, as they are less than perfect looking themselves, but any RP or Incel I have mentioned that to, balks at the idea and feels indignant that they should "lower their standards"... Yet, that's exactly what you ask women to do.

The ONLY way out of the catch-22 you put yourselves into, is to either level up your own attractiveness (in looks and character), or lower your own standards.

This isn't even a "war of the sexes", it's just a self-destruction of healthy men, fueled by various escapism and dopamine chases, leading them away from their own authentic selves.

capricorndyke · 2022-09-28T15:38:33+00:00

Definitely an interesting topic. The hard part about these topics posted on the internet is that we all have our own pain/grief/trauma we are dealing with. Most of us are not trained psychotherapists so we don’t give those answers. Things can get super messy very quick. We come here to be understood and leave feeling worse at times.

I think it’s important to note social differences between men and women. Women will call her friends out of the blue to say how are you doing what’s going on lately. I don’t think men do that to the extent that women do. In my family it’s women who bring everyone together. And I think it highlights another important factor that women don’t rely on men to meet their social needs. I do find men rely more on women and not men to meet their social needs. I have a few theories on why I think this is.

I think women are reluctant to taking charge of men’s issues. It can be hard for women to understand men because a lot spills out. It becomes a therapeutic rupture. And most of us don’t have the skills to navigate that.

Nightchanger · 2022-09-28T21:04:40+00:00

Link to old post
https://www.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xoew4o/does\_society\_and\_most\_women\_not\_understand\_or/

fathergoose77 · 2022-09-29T21:49:24+00:00

Many people, both men and women, do care about issues that affect men and are actively working on this. Greater suicide rates in men are discussed in mental health and medical communities, and the disparity is even higher for male veterans. These things are brought to light and there are many organizations out there doing that work (many of them also led by women). You don’t hear about these things on ig/tik tok or popular spaces like because -surprise surprise- it’s a bunch of randos shouting into the void and not professionals who are the ones actually working towards mens issues. Have you done research to see what men’s organizations exist in your area to try to help there? Or are you only looking at what’s on the popular social media pages online?

You are right that in general (but of course not all), women have been socialized to reach out to friends and support one another more. They generally get their support from their friends/family, not the randos on tindr who they don’t know.

So, I hear you really care for your friend and you are concerned for his loneliness. You sound like a good friend. What do you think you could do to help your friend’s loneliness? How can you let him know he is not alone and he has you?

Edit: I also wanted to add that there are many resources for things like depression, suicide, social anxiety. They are just not gendered and are available to anyone. Don’t focus too much on the gender part and focus on “what would be helpful for an individual in this situation?” The answer is usually therapy, not a date.

Title	Re-phrasing my last post
Author	Brighr51
Upvotes	0
Comments	42
Date	September 27, 2022 12:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xpfdsd/rephrasing_my_last_post/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/re-phrasing-my-last-post.1133718 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133718

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