I’ve been on a rabbit hole this evening about the red pill and especially ex-redpill men. That’s how I stumbled on this sub and let me say from the jump I am incredibly proud of all the men here whether you’re just perusing or actively helping other men come to the other side.

There are two major points I’ve been I’ve been thinking about in my deep dive. First, thinking of women as people and not just potential girlfriends or partners. Second, the value of being genuine.

So first: many men complain about the “friendzone” or complain about women not seeing them as a sexual option. Listen whether you believe me or not, I’ve been friendzoned by guys before- was frankly in love with a few dudes who never saw me as more than a friend. It’s not fun. However, one guy in particular I had a huge crush on and therefore avoided him aggressively because I knew he was in a relationship. Long story short, he moved away but we DM sometimes just to catch up. When we chat now, I find myself thinking “damn, he and I could have been such great friends if I hadn’t had that stupid crush on him”. All this to say, I think a lot of guys that court with redpill content are less interested in having a partner and more interested in having A Girlfriend™. This means that they see all interactions with women as basically an audition for a relationship and not actually an interaction between human beings. Women are people too (shocker) and just because she doesn’t want to sleep with you or be your girlfriend doesn’t mean that platonic relationship has less value in your life. Unfortunately for both of us I’ve found that when people say “you’ll find the one when you stop looking for it/least expect it” they’re kind of right.

Second, being genuine. I’ve had conversations with other women about things like buying flowers, planning dates, etc. and something that comes up a lot is “I don’t want him to buy me flowers because I told him to, I want him to WANT to buy me flowers”. What I’m seeing with red pill content is a lot of men feel frustrated that “I did xyz thing and followed steps 1,2, AND 3 in How to Get a Girlfriend 101 and I didn’t get a girlfriend!”. But listen: if you don’t mean it from the heart, people can sense that. There’s no magic recipe for getting a girl. It goes back to what I said first: if all you care about is getting a girlfriend in three easy steps, you’re out of luck. When women say “I don’t want him to buy me flowers because I told him to, I want him to WANT to buy me flowers” they mean “I want a gesture that shows that he cares and that thought of me when he saw these flowers and took the effort to show care to me”. It’s not about the flowers, it’s about care.

Overall, a lot of nuance is involved in the conversation. But a lot of nuance is involved with humans! Some women are shallow and are only looking for sex and money, some men are shallow and are only looking for good looks and a private chef. Most of us are in the pesky gray area where it takes a lot of communication and vulnerability and a whole lot of trial and error to find something that really is good for us.