What is it being In a relationship?

rbkforrestr · 2023-05-22T19:01:23+00:00

Largely the same as being single. My character and baseline mood never really changed, although I do struggle more with my mental health now than I did before we met. Which is certainly in no way his fault or related to him at all.

I would say I’m a bit more boring/more of a homebody now, and I have to consider my partner when making big decisions. Or small ones, like what to watch on TV or what to have for dinner. Apart from the sex - which has slowed down after so many years together, which is natural - all of the best parts about having a partner are things you can also get from a close friend.

HelenHavok · 2023-05-22T19:40:01+00:00

A healthy relationship is like an endless sleepover with your best friend (or friends if you’re engaging in ethical non-monogamy). As with any good platonic friendship, you should laugh much more than you fight or feel bad. You really enjoy spending time with them outside of sex, but can spend time apart and can maintain your individual sense of self and hobbies/passions outside of them without bitter/jealous feelings. You trust the person to have your best interests at heart and vice versa. A good partner will help you be and feel like the best version of yourself. As far as intimacy goes, that depends entirely on the preference of those involved. Some people have wonderful, deep connections but don’t have sex often or at all, perhaps just holding hands or kissing. Other couples prefer sex weekly or daily. The best relationships are those where you have similar needs in regards to intimacy (sexual compatibility).

A bad relationship breeds insecurity, mistrust, bad feelings, jealousy, and controlling behavior, even if there are good times in-between or at the start. You may find that you push each others buttons and bring out each others worst traits. One or both of you may become unhealthily codependent. You may be sexually incompatible, breeding resentment, depression, or even infidelity when needs can’t be met. It’s way, way better to be single than in a bad relationship.

Mechanically, being in a relationship isn’t all that different from being single. You go to work/school, eat meals, sleep, do hobbies, take trips, and hang out with friends like you always would. You just have someone at hand to share those things with you and have to consider their needs and wants along with your own when making decisions. No relationship is perfect and any long term couple (or throuple+) will go through rocky times and arguments. You have to learn compromise and concession. Long-term relationships can be hard work at times and good ones are worth choosing to stay and work out issues, but on the whole, the positives should always greatly outweigh the negatives. When they don’t, it’s a sign you may need to move on.

StarTrippinn · 2023-05-22T21:10:37+00:00

It depends if it's a good or bad relationship. I'll tell you some of the downsides lol

As someone who suffers from depression,I think one thing that kind of shocked me in my early 20s was that it's not the quick fix to happiness that one might assume when you are naive. That's why when these incels cry online about seeing other happy couples, and adding they could have what they have, Im like dude, you have it all wrong.

Whatever emptiness you carry with by yourself will be with you in your relationship. Even if the person loves you and you love them. Even if they do fulfil your every whim. I know from personal experience in multiple relationships.

In that sense, sometimes it feels worse when you are next to someone because you feel guilty that you should be happy because they are wonderful but you still aren't.

I will say that sometimes your partner or even a friend or therapist can help heal certain parts of you. Especially if you open up and they love and accept a side of you that you feel insecure about. That's why when these idiot RP say that having emotional intelligence or being vulnerable is useless, I'm like okay.. if you say so.

Exis007 · 2023-05-22T19:00:54+00:00

Did you mean to ask what it's like?

xvszero · 2023-05-22T20:14:47+00:00

It's great. But probably not what you expect. Do you have specific questions?

ManWazo · 2023-05-23T12:16:47+00:00

It's cool for 2-3 months and after that the other person takes you for granted and does no effort so it sucks

rafaman777 · 2023-05-23T19:36:28+00:00

Married for 10 years. We are both religious and very dedicated to each other and family. I was very smitten when I met her but my love has changed and not for worse but in a different way. We are more like one unit now and every day is filled with responsibilities, family chores, bills, work and regular everyday things. In Redpill terms I would be considered a "passport bro" although I am from the same culture as my wife just born in a first world country. She is fiercely loyal and very industrious, I have never met someone who wants to cook and clean so much. I have to ask her to stop doing those things and relax. Being with my wife has taught that women are both the toughest and softest at the same time. Going through child birth and seeing her raise my son shows the sacrifices many mothers go through. It's not easy but she never complains. Those RP podcasts never show this side. The support a woman needs when pregnant from a man or how a woman holds her child at 2am when he has a bad cough and stays awake all night so he can be well. Women are very tough, just in different way and should be respected. She is there for me and vice versa.

KeeganatorMeditator · 2023-05-23T19:45:53+00:00

I haven't been in relationships longer than 10 months (due to going to school, life things, etc.)

I've found a consoling of my life-loneliness with a sacrifice in my free time (which I tend to have too much of). however I find that my issues with how I spend my time still pop into my mind as something I haven't worked through myself when I'm with someone.

For this reason I want to figure my own life out before putting my stuff onto another person. (I recognize I could learn some things faster being with someone but I'm a do it yourself person, to a fault. )

Nightchanger · 2023-05-26T16:10:00+00:00

Reading the comments the experience is different for guys it seems. This is not a redpill thing, or a black pill thing, or even any masculinity / self improvement thing.

In the little relationships I've been, my experience were overwhelmingly positive, even with toxic girls, it has very pragmatic benefits socially. People much more respected me, they considered me more responsible and socially adept, the psychologist even said that being in a relationship shows maturity. (It's not, but people assume it is) It's true even for toxic relationships.

I could get a job as a store clerk, when previously could only work as a dish washer. And it was easier to get a promotion. My family gave me my own sleeping room to accommodate her having over.

The social privileges for being a man in a relationship is immense and shouldn't be understated, as it just kicks further the single guys who can't get ahead or don't have the advantages if they had one. Or worse, expecting them eventually to have one when in reality, it's okay it won't happen.

Worse is that people in relationships or married would describe the immense work they had to endure to make it work. When in reality they would have worked against worse uphill battles if they were single.

The only benefit you have from being single, is less responsibilities (because you can't get any), and more free time to do your hobbies you do in isolation (home workouts, video games, book reading... etc')

Here's the thing tho. Women don't have, expect, or owe to be in a relationship with you. So you shouldn't expect or demand it to happen. So do the best you can regardless.

Title	What is it being In a relationship?
Author	Pension-North
Upvotes	10
Comments	20
Date	May 22, 2023 6:50 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/13ozj28/what_is_it_being_in_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-is-it-being-in-a-relationship.1220020 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220020

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