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smarfette
[+][deleted] 6 years ago* [recovered] (14 children) | Copy Link
We can quibble about picking up his dry cleaning or making him soup when he's sick.
The big NO NO's are:
You might not even want to do some of those for a husband.
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple99 points100 points101 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am stunned by people making legal commitments such as a mortgage with people with whom they have no legal protections. Say what you want about “it’s just a piece of paper” but marriage exists for your legal protection.
Reference: literally any episode of Judge Judy ever.
[–]BasieSkanks46 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I work for a bank, and even the mortgage advisors have told me in private that they don’t feel comfortable selling mortgages to people who aren’t married. I’ve seen it so many times: couple gets a mortgage, the relationship ends (man usually leaves the woman), and the woman is screwed. This same thing happened to the mortgage advisor at my job. She was set to marry her boyfriend, when he stayed getting “cold feet” out of nowhere. When she was laid up with a brain tumour for six weeks, she finds out he was sleeping with his 21-year old colleague.
[–]ohlizardFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah I will never lend money to another boyfriend, ffs.
[–]mina_fer22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn’t give up any kind of educational opportunity or work for anyone really.. maybe I’ll compromise on whatever issues it may cause. Otherwise it is my decision.
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie67 points68 points69 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great list! I would never do any of those again that I’ve done for boyfriends!I wouldn’t give a pet to a shelter or to anything less than a good home even for a husband! Actually there would have to be a REALLY good reason why my husband was even asking me. The fact that he even asked would probably make me see him completely differently and not want him anymore. I wouldn’t give up a person unless they truly were toxic either. If I had a once of a lifetime educational or work opportunity, it could be worth getting a divorce unless he truly is an irreplaceable husband.
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a good list. I guess I never imagined that anyone would do these things, so I didn't consider them....
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would not have PIV sex with a boyfriend either.
[–]TheArsenal5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Where do you stand on letting a boyfriend onto your insurance (if he pays the additional cost)?
[–]whycantweallgetal0ng8 points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Will you have any significant disadvantage if something goes wrong? That's always the main question.
A good insurance salesman would know.
In that particular case, I would wonder if marriage has come up in discussion. This is something you'd do for a fiance, once you already made definite plans to get married.
[–]AlybankFDS Newbie208 points209 points210 points 6 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
One thing I’ve learned is never do laundry for a guy you’re not married to.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]AlybankFDS Newbie98 points99 points100 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well depends on the couple. I’d rather do a guy’s laundry once a week than take out the trash ever. Just depends on how chores are split.
[–]plutunicFDS Disciple21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would literally rather clean my whole house top to bottom than wash another dish. my husband does like 80% of the dishes and I do 80% of the cooking, which works for us.
[–]Bee_HummingbirdFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed! I do all the laundry in our house. I also load all the dishes because I can't stand how my husband does it lol. But he does all of the yard work and tons of handy projects around the house.
[–]r8drracing11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
What's a SAHM?
[–]AlybankFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stay-at-home-mom
[–]bitchbaby12 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
stay at home mom.
[–]EMTamborrino2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stay at Home Mom
[–]AgrpscbFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What about boyfriend doing my laundry?🤔
[–]OGCHFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I could upvote this a million times!
[–]extraacct1234Ruthless Strategist200 points201 points202 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't ever do a man's fucking laundry or pack his goddamn lunch. Do not ever let him touch you if he hasn't been treating you right. Do not suck his dick while you're on your period because he thinks your body is disgusting and won't fuck you. Do not ever let him put his dick in you without full foreplay to the point that you're wet, relaxed and it feels good. Do not let him get away with not giving you an orgasm every single time you have sex. Make him learn how to get you off by eating your pussy. And make him do that occasionally with no other sex. Make him clean up his piss stains around the toilet. Bf or husband. Don't be a doormat that he won't respect.
[–][deleted] 47 points48 points49 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To the T. I did all these things. Provided him weed,food, got a job because we had no food left. I was 18. We didn't have sex for a few weeks and I begged him for sex and he deliberately abused me saying what was wrong with me for wanting sex so much? Turns out he was watching dozens of porn videos a day. Plus he ended up talking to a girl he fucked right before we got together and deleted the messages but was surprised when he told me a month later and I had to leave the room because I almost uppercut that dumb mother fucke in the face
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like we dated the same guy at 18!!
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist153 points154 points155 points 6 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
Me too. What's something you would do for your hubs that you wouldn't do for a boyfriend?
Sex is generally considered a "husband privilege," but no way would I marry someone with whom I hadn't had sex. I need to know if we are compatible.
[–]unicorns- 61 points62 points63 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn’t do anything financial for a boyfriend, like help him pay off debt, or move to be closer to his new job. Those are marriage-only benefits, and even then not a guarantee.
I also wouldn’t do unpaid labour in a house I wasn’t living in, things like cleaning or doing laundry. I’d make a one-time exception in extreme circumstances (serious illness, needs someone to water plants while he attends out of town funeral, etc).
[–]szsunshinePickmeisha™️184 points185 points186 points 6 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Cooking, cleaning or decorating his place (he can see how well you keep a home by seeing how nice yours is), making plans / buying gifts for HIS family (or kids), helping out with his business, running errands that don’t benefit you (so, it’s ok to pick up sunscreen for the trip he is taking you on to the tropics, not ok for you to pick up his dry cleaning).
[–]riseaboveagainFDS Apprentice176 points177 points178 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Applause! Excellent list of what not to do for a boyfriend.
A long ago shitty boyfriend once tried to pitch a fit at me because his roommate’s girlfriend did his laundry, but I didn’t do his. She cooked for both of the guys, too. too. Even ignorant, people-pleasing former me was like wtf? No.
Side note: Roommate’s girlfriend ended up leaving him after 3 years, because he did not want to marry her. She ended up happily married about a year later, and ex-boyfriend still misses her. Ha! FDS for the win.
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
I made the mistake of telling a shitty ex that he could do laundry at my place. His bag of dirty laundry just sat untouched by my washer for weeks even though he was at my place all the time. Finally I decided that I would just wash it for him. He ended up rarely doing his own laundry for the many years we were together. It wasn’t simple laundry either. He had oil stains, tape, bolts, dirt, sand, bottle caps, candy wrappers, coin and cash in his pockets. I would spend hours trying to scrub out and pretreat stains out of his laundry. I spent my money on detergents, stain lifters, treatments, laundry accessories and laundry tokens. Anyways after many years of his lying about wanting marriage but never proposing and him putting me down with little digs on a regular basis; one day, I found over $300 cash in his pockets. So I decided to keep it, lol! Hey, he got off super cheap for almost a decade of laundry service not to mention free sex, prepared meals and housekeeping.
[–]RiseOfSlimerFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think if a man tried to pull this with me I would return his dirty laundry to his place, maybe dump it on his bed for good measure.
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol! I wasn’t too bright!
[–]macguffin99FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I literally did ten loads of laundry a week for my ex and his kids. Now I do one.
Good point about not decorating their house for them, because they can see your skills at your house. My ex literally commented on how nice my home was the first time he saw it.
We were engaged, but he became abusive during that time and I bolted. Dodged a canon.
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m glad you got away❤️
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OMG, I totally did this list of things for my last bf, and he ended up being an insecure asshole that dumped me via text message after 11 months. -- Cooking at his place -- Decorating his apartment -- Picking out a cool gift for his adult daughter -- Revamping his wardrobe (I helped him pick, of course I never paid)
See what a Pickmesha I used to be? Now I'm not doing any of that, ever. The new girl appreciates the nice furniture and the wardrobe upgrade, I'm sure. And honestly? So did I whilst we were together, so my motives weren't entirely unselfish.
[–]munakhtylerFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You got it girl! If a man isn't ready to provide for you, then do not even think about of performing work for him. For free!
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great advice. I can’t believe I used to do that stuff.
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What if a guy does all this for you? Is that bad?
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think many guys (or the kind worth worth keeping=HVM) realize how often other men pretend to be more committed than they actually are. Those HVM understand why women are wary. When they are falling in love with a woman, they want to show her that they are HVM by doing things for them. I’m sure they realize that you wouldn’t date them just for those things. Don’t feel badly letting them earn your confidence in the relationship. HVM actually want to do that. You can spoil them once you are married. It’s only bad when you know they aren’t the one for you that it would be bad to continue to allow them to do things for you.
[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wouldn't take advantage of someone like that.
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I believe ya:)
[–]DelicateDreamFDS Disciple71 points72 points73 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The point of delaying sex is simply to see if he’s a HVM and emotionally investing in you (and to not become attached yourself prior to that). It’s not a bargaining chip for marriage. Obviously women enjoy sex too and it’s not something you do “for him”. That’s actually opposite of the “strategy” here - nothing is “for him”, but on your terms when it benefits you most. This isn’t selfish but how men already operate.
[–]plutunicFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
travel (imo don't go abroad with a boyfriend, save those experiences for your husband), try to have a relationship with his family, go on his arm as a guest to a wedding, let him question the people in my life's place, compromise on my progress (job, friends, whatever is going on for me personally). I had an ex that deliberately got in the way and complained about me working out. I invited him along and refused to compromise, it was one of the things we broke up over.
[–]APrivatephilosophyFDS Disciple45 points46 points47 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I get what you’re saying and it’s legit, but if you’ve vetted and the man is a HVM, your marriage is when you build that compatibility.
Since he’s a HVM and you’re HV, your sex life is your collab. You build it and hone it over the course of the marriage. Make many albums of different genres or tempos until you find the balance that goes platinum.
Ideally.
But the only reason for keeping sex away until marriage is antiquated and misogynist virginity rituals where we were bought and sold like animals for consumption so definitely not my flavor.
I’m not living in throwback I’m a futuristic artist 😎
[+][deleted] 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]APrivatephilosophyFDS Disciple27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When you’re right you’re right.
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah you gotta the take car out for a few test drives before you commit to owning it.
[–]ARaunchyChickenNugFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cleaning his place is a big one.
Also, no money. I make quiet a bit for my age but I am not paying for jack squat other than covering the drinks that went with dinner now and then because I have a weird ego thing.
[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t divulge your secrets to a boyfriend.
[–]sunmoonandstarssFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I moved for my ex LVM. Fuck. I will never do that again, ever.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Should you take a vacation with a boyfriend? If so, should he pay for all of it? I’m new to all of this, but I want to learn for the future.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, he should pay always.
[–]BubblyKrakenFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am a bit confused. What does that mean?
[–]daffodilhillFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read the comments.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]extraacct1234Ruthless Strategist36 points37 points38 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yes. You're cleaning another man's house that you don't live in? Never. Occasional meal to show him you can cook is fine. Or for a special event. And he should help with prep and clean up. Unfortunately you're now in the situation where if you try to roll back these things it's likely going to be a big problem.
[–]littlemaggieleven1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Maybe I’m too nice. Do you have any tips for me to get an upper hand in this situation?
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just stop cleaning his house. If his house is too messy, tell him you're not coming over to his pigsty and tell him he needs to take you out if he wants to see you. Dump him if he doesn't change.
Jesus, this!
[–]extraacct1234Ruthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What rftw2013 said. Stop cleaning. Stop going to his dirty house. Dump if things don't change.
I'm at the point if I walk into a man's house and it's filthy I walk right back out. Done. Imagine his dick filth! Nasty.
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[+][deleted] [recovered] (14 children) | Copy Link
We can quibble about picking up his dry cleaning or making him soup when he's sick.
The big NO NO's are:
You might not even want to do some of those for a husband.
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple99 points100 points101 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BasieSkanks46 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]ohlizardFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mina_fer22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie67 points68 points69 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheArsenal5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]whycantweallgetal0ng8 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]AlybankFDS Newbie208 points209 points210 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (9 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]AlybankFDS Newbie98 points99 points100 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]plutunicFDS Disciple21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bee_HummingbirdFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]r8drracing11 points12 points13 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlybankFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bitchbaby12 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EMTamborrino2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AgrpscbFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OGCHFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]extraacct1234Ruthless Strategist200 points201 points202 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 47 points48 points49 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist153 points154 points155 points (24 children) | Copy Link
[–]unicorns- 61 points62 points63 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]szsunshinePickmeisha™️184 points185 points186 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]riseaboveagainFDS Apprentice176 points177 points178 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie104 points105 points106 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]RiseOfSlimerFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]macguffin99FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]munakhtylerFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DelicateDreamFDS Disciple71 points72 points73 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]plutunicFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]APrivatephilosophyFDS Disciple45 points46 points47 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]APrivatephilosophyFDS Disciple27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mintpuffyfluffsFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ARaunchyChickenNugFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sunmoonandstarssFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]BubblyKrakenFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]daffodilhillFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]extraacct1234Ruthless Strategist36 points37 points38 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]littlemaggieleven1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]rftw2013Ruthless Strategist17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]extraacct1234Ruthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link