The past few men I’ve dated, when we get closer to the 3 mo mark and I think there’s a chance we might have sex - I’ve mentioned wanting both of us to get tested for STIs prior to sleeping together. At first I only encounter LVM who did not take the initiative and seemed to blow off the idea.

Recently I’ve been seeing a new guy for 1.5 mo and he’s shown HVM characteristic so far. A couple days ago I mentioned if and when we get to that point, I’d want us both to get tested. He agreed it was a good idea although he claims to almost always use condoms, he was still on board. Two days later, he is at the doctor getting blood work for HIV and whatever else you can test with that. He also got a take home kit that tests for the 10 most common, got the results that day and shared them with me. Two days ladies. I know sex is a motivating factor here but compared to the other guys, I can’t help but think this is HVM potential.

He tested positive for HV1 and freaked out, not knowing much about it other than his brain instantly going to “I have herpes” and said he totally understand if I don’t want to see him anymore.

I on the other hand know a lot about herpes, and the fact that he was shocked and has never had an outbreak makes me more lenient to continue. I don’t want herpes, but now we can be cautious. And honestly I think the stigma around herpes is way overblown. The stigma probably outweighs the danger of having it. For all I know, I might have it too. Lots of people do and don’t know it because it lies dormant.

My bigger takeaway was his initiative, sharing his results (like straight up report of the results) and expressing understanding if I wanted to end it.

I told him it’s not a big deal. I don’t know if I’ll continue a romantic relationship with him, but he’s built trust with this experience in how he’s handled it.

Anyway, I wanted to share a (sort of) success story involving the approach to an STD talk that turned into actionable, confirmable results. If they want to, they will.

I get tested next week and plan to share my results with him too. It’s a double plus because it helps you protect your health and builds trust seeing the formal results as confirmation.

This felt like an FDS win 🥇 but I’d love any feedback on my approach/situation.

Also curious how you lovely women approach this topic and how its worked out for you.