A reminder that "no" is always a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation, a dance, a drink, a date, or sex. Someone who does not respect your boundaries is someone who has no respect for you.

tiniekittie · 2020-07-26T18:03:35+00:00

Ughhh. I hate people like this. I’d just say “thanks, but no thanks. I’ve already told you multiple times that I don’t want a drink... I don’t appreciate how pushy you’re being”, you’d be letting everyone nearby know that he’s being obnoxious while still refusing the drink and not making yourself look rude!

_wannaseemedisco · 2020-07-26T18:27:32+00:00

I stopped caring about looking rude, now I'll call someone out.

"Did you even listen to a word I said, or do you just think you know better than me about what I want?"

Airisvel · 2020-07-26T17:56:11+00:00

I have a very very hard time with that.

If i were that girl at the party i would just have taken the drink. I always avoid conflict at all cost. When i was a bit younger i thought men didn't realize what they were doing and were just trying to be nice, but i know better now. I instantly know a man is LV as soon as i am pressured like that. But the pressure works on me in the moment though and i wish it didn't. I have a hard time standing up for myself.

greenrosepdtl · 2020-07-26T18:57:32+00:00

I've had multiple friends get roofied oddly the only one who actually got assaulted was a man all the women were luckily in a huge pack and recognized it right away and got her home safe. I think the guy just didnt expect it to happen and it never occurred to be prepared. My point being is that if someone is that insistent that you drink something from them my first thought is always they put something in it you didnt watch them make it dont trust that drink!

basodie · 2020-07-26T18:32:03+00:00

This right here is a central pillar of leveling up. A confident woman doesn't think "for me to refuse makes me the asshole," she thinks "this guy's actions are objectively weird." Because they are. Stop worrying about how you come off and start looking at how other people behave around you. Being judgmental isn't bad, it's actually necessary.

idontknow1456 · 2020-07-26T19:59:15+00:00

I’ve either used excuses to not drink or flat out was verbally aggressive towards men. The times I was mean they would either walk away angry or say something under there breath. Which I wouldn’t even care tbh if they were mad or not but what I’m trying to say is you shouldn’t care about these predators feelings and if the people around you call you names or take his side then those people aren’t worth being nice to either 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve left parties because pickme ass friends would make me feel like I’m in the wrong and would never talk to those friends ever again. If people around you judge you because you want to be safe then leave them.

4E4ME · 2020-07-26T22:16:51+00:00

This tactic is discussed in the first chapter of The Gift of Fear, in which a woman descibes how her fear of appearing rude to a stranger ultimately led to her being raped in her apartment, and nearly killed until she took a chance and snuck out when he was distracted.

Don't be afraid to appear rude Ladies! Because truly when someone is overstepping our boundaries it is not us who is being rude, it is that person. And we don't always know if they are just socially inept, or if they have nefarious purposes.

Please please please do not play into teaching men to "be persistent".

bear_sees_the_car · 2020-07-26T20:38:09+00:00

If um not paid to be nice, idgaf if people think I'm rude.

rsmsm · 2020-07-26T21:12:49+00:00

"The Gift of Fear" mentions this, too. That book really changed my life.

redbirdflies · 2020-07-26T21:07:46+00:00

Thank you

I love to say “no is a complete sentence “

Obviously there are exceptions to that rule.

Dare94 · 2020-07-26T20:41:30+00:00

The gift of fear by Gavin de Becker really explains this. How predators essentially use ‘niceness’ to feel out their victims.

entrylevelheaux · 2020-07-27T02:49:17+00:00

I've seen women get their nose broken in clubs for this (for saying no). We definitely should say no, but I can understand how women can be afraid to when there's so many unstable dudes who can't handle rejection.

PinkElephant20 · 2020-07-27T00:16:20+00:00

I would honestly make a joke about him trying to roofie me so that other people would hear, I would look like I am rude, and also, in case he is innocent, I have reasons to be wary. It's a teacheable moment.

BabyGotBantz · 2020-07-27T03:58:37+00:00

That’s not even rude. You again politely declined after numerous attempts to overthrow your personal wishes. Fuck you and throwing the drink on him would be more appropriate at this point

LanternsofHekate · 2020-07-26T21:40:27+00:00

Amen!!!!

DogPrecipitation · 2020-07-27T00:54:10+00:00

Lol tell that to my grandparents when they’re offering me food :P

Kammie88 · 2020-07-27T00:45:14+00:00

Omg. I had a situation where I just said no and he tried to guilt trip me so hard! Story: it was a first date and he was driving to me from Omaha and rented a hotel room. We went to dinner and it was an ok date. I drive him back to his hotel and tell him to have a good night. This boy is like “oh I thought you were coming in to stay with me” me: no, I have to get back to my dog(he gets scared alone) him: “well I wouldn’t have gotten the hotel room just for me” me: ok, have a good night then. Him: “ I thought we could cuddle and you know.” I drove off after that. Like wtf?

lagomlagume · 2020-07-27T11:04:48+00:00

The part that gets me upset isn't the idiot persisting that they buy me a drink. It's the part where I have to come off as a man eating bitch for them to finally get it. I've refused the drink twice already and yet there's still persitance, it isn't my fault someone is so daft.

SnooConfections2586 · 2020-07-26T22:55:04+00:00

finally there's actually good advice on this subreddit

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