Someone mentioned here about being told that she was "good for" a man, then realizing what a shitshow he was. Quick vetting strategy: center yourself, and ask "is this good for me?" Your immediate physical and emotional reactions will tell you all you need to know. If you're in doubt, and you ask out loud, other people's reactions, including micro-expressions, will tell you the truth.

It's a good way to get away from pickme thinking, where all of our energy is expended being good for a man, good to a man, doing for him, and being subservient, while denying your needs and wants. What does he do for you? how often? how much effort? with what attitude? A truly healthy relationship should be mutual, reciprocal, with give and take on a fairly even basis. It won't always be equal; that's not life, but it will even out over time.

Quick example: let's say you're out shopping, and you see something and think of your guy. You want to buy it for him, but something stops you. Suddenly you realize it's been x amount of time since he bought you anything. So you don't buy it. And you re-evaluate him and your relationship to gauge if he and his effort are enough for you.

Or conversely, you see something, realize he just bought you something, and you realize you've been giving to each other regularly for a long time. You buy it, think nothing more about it, because you know your relationship is reciprocal and mutual.