Birth control?

LevelTurbulent · 2020-10-14T19:03:38+00:00

I might get downvoted into oblivion for this but I think it's a really bad idea to stop using condoms at 18 with a boyfriend because he's been hinting at marrying you someday. It's your body but this could be one of the those things you look back on and regret for the rest of your life. I don't see how it's worth it.

throwaway23004345 · 2020-10-14T18:57:31+00:00

yea girl you are too young for this nonsense. yall are only 18 and he is already this controlling? yikes

Maude2010 · 2020-10-14T18:56:15+00:00

I’m happy for you that you’re in love. And I’m not a fan of hormonal birth control. It’s also good that he’s responsible about condoms. But he really shouldn’t have any say in your birth control. It’s your body and he doesn’t get to tell you what to do or “refuse” you taking the pill if it’s what you want. In general, I’m skeptical that a progressive woman can have a successful relationship with a man who is anti choice. And eighteen is waaaay too young to get engaged.

Ellacute6040 · 2020-10-14T19:07:21+00:00

Men shouldn't have a say on birth control or abortion. That's a LV trait!.

And you are just 18, I think you should rethink the engagement.

Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2020-10-14T18:55:55+00:00

It’s YOUR body therefore it’s YOUR choice. My boyfriend has made it clear to me he’ll support me in any birth control decision I make.

You’re very young and not only does he sound controlling, but he sounds LV. Against abortion? Yeah that’s not okay. Religion or politics is not an excuse. Woman bodily autonomy is extremely important and it sounds like he’s against that for all women, including you. It sounds like it’s his way or the high way, when really- he should support you and you guys make decisions together as a couple.

Do NOT marry him. He will only get worse. You’ll end up like the women on r/ breaking moms.

fwe23rrs · 2020-10-14T19:02:37+00:00

Condoms aren’t 100% effective, neither is any contraceptive method. It is best to pair contraceptive methods together, so condom + birth control. If you use both methods correctly there’s a virtually 0% chance you will get pregnant (or “abort with birth control”, as he describes it).

You are your own person with your own beliefs and choices. Do NOT let anyone impose on that, this is an unhealthy precedent and I agree with the other posts here.

Edit: just saw OP also posts to red pill women, FDS please save this young woman!!

daisy_0720 · 2020-10-14T19:10:29+00:00

I know this isn't what you want to hear, OP, but it sounds like you are not a compatible long term match. This difference in your political leanings is already causing problems, and you're only 18. I know what it's like to be 18 and in love. But his behavior is controlling and shows no care or concern about YOUR wishes and body - the woman he 'loves'. Your gut knows that something is off, which is exactly why you posted here. You did the right thing. Your instincts are looking out for you.

Also, it sounds like you are making excuses for him and if there's one thing I've learnt, the second you start making excuses for a partner, it's time to call it quits. Your entire relationship will be built around justifying his shitty behavior.

You are 18. You have your whole life ahead of you. There is a world of options out there for you, and none of them need involve dealing with this level of bullshit.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2020-10-14T19:10:57+00:00

To be letting any man control your life, your body, and your decisions is setting yourself up for failure in your future. It’s not an abortion if the pregnancy wasn’t viable in the first place and that’s what hormonal birth control does in very simple terms.

You are very young and while right now you are the oldest you’ve ever been, you’ll be looking back at 20, 25, 30, realizing how much about life you didn’t know or understand yet. You don’t know how this man will handle hardships, how he’ll handle growth and maturity, how he’ll handle his house and home, how he’ll handle raising kids. I don’t know the circumstances you’re both in, if you’re living together or with family, but right now is not the time to be getting engaged or considering going without condoms and other forms of birth control. He should not be making that decision for you in any way if he respected you. Sure, he can not like it, but if it’s a point of contention you are not going to be compatible long term.

hopewings · 2020-10-14T19:04:32+00:00

It's your body. If you want to get on birth control, that is up to you. But you should also keep using condoms. No one method of birth control is 100% effective. Also, I don't know if you know this, but semen when mixed with vaginal fluid can make you smell like old stinky fish down there.

I will also give you the same advice I give to my young kids whose ages are not yet in double digits:

Do not get married until you are at least 25.
Do not have a baby until you are at least 26.

There are biological reasons for this. The prefrontal cortex does not mature until about age 25. Adults after about the age of 25 think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens and younger adults process information with the amygdala, which is the emotional part of the brain.

Before you get married, you should be on the same page about these important issues:

sex and affection
children and childrearing
finances and spending
religion and spirituality
future plans and goals

If you have a conflict about any big issues, there is no way to move past that. But if it's an issue like different love languages, that's something you could work on and improve over time.

In your case, the big issue I see is that you are very different politically, and possibly religiously since he is so anti-abortion. That might not be a big deal to you when you're young, but it is a warning sign that you are not long-term compatible. You are also too young to know how you will each manage finances, and it is unlikely that your current plans for the future are very concrete.

I am quite a bit older than you and can tell you that a year is nothing in the timeline of your whole life. The decisions you are making now may have impacts on the rest of your life. Be very careful. Think with your brain about what you want from life, not about what feels good right now.

OrangeyPanda · 2020-10-14T19:22:09+00:00

Oh dear, you have a lot of learning to do at your age and lack of experience, but thats ok! I'm going to paste a comment on birth control I made the other day:

Birth control and condom use is something that effects every woman in a relationship and I think it needs more attention.

Even in this subreddit I've seen women convey that once they are in a long-term relationship they will stop using condoms and I can't stress how foolish that is. Men NEED to learn that if they have sex without a condom that means they are trying for a baby.

Female birth control options should be used for personal reasons like menstruation control/hormonal balancing, etc. NOT so a man can have responsibility free sex. Birth control can fail at any moment and men have learned that means they can accuse women of baby-trapping even in a marriage, meanwhile they have done nothing to control their sperm.

See the following posts:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eds9ij/wear_a_condom_or_stfu_birth_control_is_not_100/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eshctg/one_month_after_iud_insertion_im_still_having/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j2zexs/the_fact_that_men_are_fertile_100_of_the_time_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gaf9qd/study_70_of_men_agree_its_acceptable_to_lie_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e5mxom/stop_telling_men_about_your_birth_control/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dtfif6/tell_the_man_in_your_life_that_you_dont_want_to/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Summerisle7 · 2020-10-14T19:57:21+00:00

If he's so conservative why is he having sex before marriage?

Please read the FDS handbook.

KindredMaximus · 2020-10-14T19:49:14+00:00

You should ask if he'll get a vasectomy and then get it reversed when you are ready to have kids. Or he could put his sperm on ice and get a vasectomy. I wonder what his answer will be. Why does he have a say in what you do with your own biological processes? Also BC doesn't cause abortions and in any case abortion is none of his business because he doesn't have a uterus. It is time for you to talk to a caring, health professional about your reproductive health and options. PS. I would never trust an 18 year old BOY about anything to do with relationships including reproduction and marriage. They are simply too dumb.

alichuchu · 2020-10-14T19:48:12+00:00

This is very outright but leave him. I understand that no one will have the same politics as you but being “anti abortion” is detrimental. Leave him girl

LadyGrimes · 2020-10-14T19:50:19+00:00

Birth control isn't some magic pill it can actually cause your body a lot of damage so you have to be mindful of that, and since you're still so young I don't think its a good idea.

missjtobby · 2020-10-14T19:58:28+00:00

Oral contraceptives/IUDs/nuva ring/depo shot, none of these protect against STDs. Getting pregnant is not the only thing you have to worry about when you’re sexually active. Have you talked to a doctor yet? During the initial consultation visit that’s your chance to ask a lot of questions and voice your concerns.

Blackishcat27 · 2020-10-14T20:02:09+00:00

Please please please follow the instincts that will protect you. Unless there's a legally binding document stating you're married birth control is the way to go. There's literally no reason at all why you have to share that you're forging ahead with bc. What he doesn't know in regards to this won't hurt him. Protect yourself please! Also your pro life boyfriend would probably be okay with throwing a woman in jail for not wanting to die from birth complications so really really think about whether he has your back as a woman when it comes to things like that.

slythergin23 · 2020-10-14T19:27:00+00:00

sis, this is your and only your decision. if you think hormonal bc is good for you, do it. you shouldn't let others dictate what you do with your body.

that being said, kudos to him for wearing condoms responsibly. it's sad this has to be said, but still. it's a good thing.

however, 18 is super young to think about marriage. are you 100% sure he's the one? and since kids are on the table - have you talked about how you'll raise them? political opinions on opposite ends of the spectrum can cause a tremendous amount of stress, fights, even hate. I'm speaking from experience here. just... be careful. watch out for yourself.

theawkwardalli · 2020-10-14T20:07:34+00:00

This is a bad idea!

Also, taking birth control doesn’t cause abortions. You and your boyfriend should take a sexual health class together at your local community college. Birth control makes it so that the lining of your uterus is thinner and the mucus is thicker, so it makes it more difficult for a fertilized egg to attach and continue to grow. Also, the term “spontaneous abortion” refers to a miscarriage—so maybe that’s what your boyfriend means.

I do have to point out how hypocritical your boyfriend is being: he doesn’t want you to have an abortion but he wants to have condom-less sex??? Engaging in any sexual activity with anyone requires the “what do we do in case I get pregnant” conversation (even though it’s your body and you get the final say). If you guys can’t have those important conversations and don’t want to learn proper sexual education, you shouldn’t be having sex.

Title	Birth control?
Author	Ugythrowaway123
Upvotes	5
Comments	24
Date	October 14, 2020 6:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jb6vwc/birth_control/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/birth-control.320649 https://theredarchive.com/post/320649

Comments