This is mostly about physical features.
If you have something that is special or unique about your appearance, something that sets you apart or gets you complimented, consider it a bright red flag if a guy you're dating isn't into it (in a healthy way, not in a fetishy way).
I'll use myself as an example. I have very long thick curly hair in a country of mostly straight hair. People remember me by my hair, it's my most often complimented feature, and practically a default compliment from men. It's also a little bit of a hobby for me, I enjoy caring for it.
Which is why it was odd to me that my ex never seemed particularly phased by it. Indifferent. I might as well not have hair. He didn't care if I cut it shorter. He didn't care if I grew it longer. He didn't care if I dyed it or not. He refused to take pictures of it for me, even though he knew it meant a lot to me.
Curly haired ladies know by now that the only time he ever said anything positive about my hair was...
.... when I wore it straighter. And of course he'd get defensive when I told him he never compliments it curly. I spent hours trying to figure out a way to straighten it damage free, just so that I'm attractive to him. Joke's on me though, he didn't give a damn - about me OR my hair.
Moral of the story: If a guy isn't wild about whatever you have going on appearance-wise, he likely isn't wild about the rest of you either.
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[+]naamshiko1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree with this so much.
I also relate with your experience OP cause my main feature is the same as you. Long, thick curly black hair here.
The first thing my ex boyfriend told me? “You should try cutting it shoulders length”. Lmao so I spent a shit ton of money to grow my hair to my butt for a toxic boy to suggest I cut it? Nah bye.
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I disagree. I am 6'0 tall and people mostly compliment and notice my height. I asked my husband if he would prefer me being shorter but he simply said that he literally doesnt care how tall I am. I could be 6'5 and he would adore me. He simply doesnt care about it because he fell in love with my personality and my looks are just a nice extra to him. I am 100% sure that he is absolutely crazy about me and it isnt even about how I look like.
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This was always something that low key bothered and confused me about my shit ex. I have really pretty eyes and smell good, he never ever once mentioned my eyes or my smell (or my personality!). Over the years it made me so much more self conscious. My best traits were being completely ignored, he only ever complimented my sexual traits... It makes me really sad when I think back. What horrible human being does this to someone they claim to love! Disgusting.
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