Against Dread Game (Based on Science)

Dread Game is a common technique popularized by the Red Pill that promotes the idea that, in order to keep your girlfriend or wife sexually and romantically interested on you, you need to act desinterested, become flaky, flirt with other women in front of her, act abusive and accusing her of being "needy" and "delusional" if she calls on your bad behavior. Under TRP definition, this kind of behavior "keeps the girl in love with you and there's no threat of her leaving".

So, what does science has to say about this?

David Buss (1988), conducted the first study on the type of behaviors that people perform to keep their partners from straying, which he called "mate retention tactics". He identified 109 different behaviors, and later divided into 2 main categories: benefit-provisioning behaviors and cost-inflicting behaviors

Benefit-provisioning behaviors involves positive things like offering gifts to your partner, being caring and loving to your partner, enhancing your attractiveness, all with the purpose of keeping your partner from straying. The idea is to show how much you're a good partner to give them reasons to stay with you. cost-inflicting behavior however, has to do with threats of violence if the partner cheats, flirting with other prospects to make the partner angry, stalking, manipulation, etc. The logic is to keep the partner investing by making defection appear to be a risky-strategy (Under this definition the so called Dread Game is usually what science would consider a cost-inflicting set of behaviors).

What David Buss found is that benefit-provisioning behaviors tend to be perceived as much more effective than cost-inflicting behaviors. In short, statements like "i went out with other women to make her jealous" or "i told other guys she was stupid (to make her appear less desirable)" were rated much less effective in comparison with "i was helpful when she really needed it" and "i told her i loved her".

In line with this, further research revealed that the less esteem a woman has for her husband (ex.: the more she thinks he's unattractive) the more likely he is to use cost-inflicting behaviors (Holden, 2014). This means that cost-inflicting behaviors such as Dread Game may actually contribute to make your wife/girlfriend unattracted to you. And even if it works, it is considered a high risk strategy, as it may eventually contribute for relationship defection, while actually treating your partner with respect and love doesn't. In fact, high mate value men are more likely to follow benefit-provisioning strategies (Miner, Schacklefor and Starrat, 2009).

The Red Pill could benefit a lot if they had this perspective. For example, Married Red Pill advises people to flirt with other women and be dismissive of their wifes to save sexless marriages, when scientific research clearly shows that the main reason why marriages become sexless is due to lack of intimacy, and women in long term marriages need to feel it first to become sexually motivated (Basson, 2000). If Dread Game worked in your marriage was not because of your new"alphaness" but mainly because you made your wife so confused and intimidated by your behavior that she started to have sex in a desperate attempt to make things right, not because she's more attracted.

Also, Holden (2014) demonstrated that men with low self-esteem are more likely to follow cost-inflicting strategies to keep their partners faithful. It is also known that men with low mate-value, when compared with high mate-value men, are more likely to insult their partners to make them think that they are unworthy or valuable to other people (Miner, Stackleford and Starrat, 2009) The reason is simple: low self-esteem men may not have the good looks, intelligence, warmth, outgoigness, status or any other quality their partner may find attractive, so they overcompensate with abusive behavior. The root of their behavior, simply put, is an intense fear of abandonment. In terms of personality, neurotic men are more likely to follow cost-inflicting strategies like mate vigillance, jealousy induction, emotional manipulation and derogation of partners or competitors to name a few (de Miguel & Buss, 2011). They are also more likely to be anxious, attention seeking, narcissistic, depressive and have pathological personalities (Holden et al., 2015).

Is this the kind of partner you wold like to have? Is this the kind of man you want to be?

---------------------------Scientific References----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Emily J. Miner , Todd K. Shackelford, Valerie G. Starratt, “Mate value of romantic partners predicts men’s partner-directed verbal insults, ” Personality and Individual Differences 46 : 135–139 (January 2009);

Buss, D. M. (1988b). From vigilance to violence: Tactics of mate retention in American undergraduates. Ethology and Sociobiology, 9, 291–317.;

de Miguel, A; & Buss, D.M (2011) Mate retention tactics in spain: personality, sex differences and relationship status. Journal of Personality. 79, 563-589.;

Holden, C. (2014) Husband esteem predicts his mating retention tactic. Evolutionary Psychology 12 (3);

Basson,R (2000) The Female Sexual Responde: A different model. Journal of Sex&Marital Therapy. 26, 51-65

Holden, C., Roof, C. , McCabe, G,. & Ziegler-Hill V. (2015) Detached and Anthagonist: personality features and mate retention behaviors. Personality and Invidiual differences (83) 77-84;