I keep seeing great FDS comments pointing out how criticizing a man earned them the title "high maintenance" or how criticizing a man sent him into a rage. Constructive criticism is KEY to leveling up. Every single person can benefit from a well-timed comment. I am not referring to constant commentary, judgmental remarks and mean-spirited jibes but a well-meaning observation. HVW and HVM are able to incorporate reasonable criticism into self-betterment and self-reflection. NVM/LVM will turn any well-meant observation against you. Criticism can be a good vetting strategy as NVM/ LVM and HVM will respond differently to it.

To recap:

  • Criticizing LVM/NVM can cause meltdowns, tantrums, pouting, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior. This can happen in any setting, professional or personal. Your male coworker who always "forgets" to make changes to a project after you pointed out his mistakes? Yeah. Your bf who pouts for days after you pointed out he never folds his clothes that are on the floor? These extreme responses to a normal part of humanity makes you feel like you can't be honest or expressive with these people. Because you are shut out from a basic tenet of civilized conversation, this can be the start to a communication breakdown.
  • Criticizing LVM/NVM can cause retaliation / vengeful remarks. Low value people are usually incapable of looking honestly and clearly at their own behavior and asking "what did I do wrong?" "What could I do better?" Instead they will lash out.
  • Criticizing LVM/NVM lands you in a world of hurt. All of a sudden, you're a "nag", you're "too harsh", you're "mean". He's "walking on eggshells", he's "scared of you", he hates that you're "high maintenance". If Don Draper or Leonardo diCaprio said it, it'd be "king advice". If you say it, you're a brutal nagging hag.
  • LVM/NVM will gang up to criticize women and not other men. Men ragging on each other has been shown to inspire bonding and self-growth. Men can get a lot out of criticizing other men. So why do LVM/NVM choose to criticize women, out of which they can gain nothing positive? It seems to stem from weakness, and not truly wanting to better themselves.

I spent a lot of time learning how to criticize better. I figured I was the problem with LVM / NVM having meltdowns anytime I had something critical to say. I learned how to use "I think" or "I feel" instead of making accusatory remarks. I learned how to identify what was important enough for me to bring up and what wasn't. I learned how to organize my thoughts first before saying anything at all. I learned how to not send paragraphs of text. I learned how to LEAVE. And you know what? IT DID NOT MATTER. Men responded to whatever they felt like, which included when I would lose it and call them out. Again, we say, nice for what?!

Does anyone else have any red flags when it comes to LVM/NVM and receiving criticism?