Cut off your guy friend

sruslywhytho · 2021-09-17T15:22:45+00:00

You just cut them off. Period. No conversations or explanations needed. I know that sounds cold hearted but it’s really not.

When I was in college I had a guy friend and we were pretty close and completely platonic. I’d gone out in nearby town one night and saw him out with a group of ppl I didn’t know so I waved and said hello. He looked at me and then literally pretended to have no clue who I was. Blocked and deleted his number. After that he came to a few events he knew I’d be at with mutual friends and tried to apologize. I literally looked past him and pretended he didn’t exist.

When you realize that someone brings a toxic energy to your life simply move on.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-17T19:43:44+00:00

Start off by no longer calling them friends, cause they never were. If you had feelings or ended up in bed, you were in a situationship. They took advantage of your feelings and are jerks.

Real friends don't make you cry or mess with your head. It is possible to be friends with men and have it be completely platonic, but it's super rare. Don't give away the friend tag to just anyone, that devalues the institution of friendship.

Work on your self esteem too. ❤️

sleepysiri · 2021-09-17T11:58:57+00:00

May I ask for more information?

From an FDS standpoint, we know that the majority of the men are LV. Therefore, it’s difficult to have an actual friendship with an LV where they aren’t just using you out of the hope of sleeping with you, or something else, like just being a useless friend.

But you said you have a history of getting feelings for guy friends and I think that’s a separate issue in itself to your male friend being toxic.

You’ve just started FDS, good for you!! I used to have awful guy friends that I would keep around because of self-esteem. They were all scrotes though who laughed at feminism and I would just silently take it. That was in school though and I’m now in college. All of my friends are women except for one man who I have known since the beginning, so three years? And the only reason I’m friends with him is because of constant vetting and his display of HV traits throughout those three years.

I’m most curious though about you having feelings for guy friends and how you’re connecting that to guy friends as a whole. And what do you mean by overdue? xx

Also, as an answer, I’m in the place of: I don’t actively look for male friends as that would just set you up for disappointment. I am open to male friendship but approach it from a non-serious way where so feel no issue cutting them off if they display a red flag.

youre_a_cat · 2021-09-17T18:14:08+00:00

There are 7 billion people in the world, it's statistically very likely you'll be able to find someone who you get along more with. Plus if he's made you cry before, then (in my opinion) that would taint all the good memories. Onto new possibilities!

Inspection-Critical · 2021-09-17T15:30:36+00:00

How do you have the strength to look past the friendship and good memories you have shared?

If you were served a sandwich that was half turkey and half dog shit, but the turkey was high quality, would you still eat it?

LadyM2 · 2021-09-17T15:42:32+00:00

Male female friendship is an illusion. I have never had a male “friend” who did not want to take sexual advantage from me. If it was not sex, then there was something else (most likely money). Men are just leeches. Dump all your male friends I would say.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-09-17T20:12:04+00:00

If you’re asking how you bring yourself to end the relationship with them, for me what helped was thinking of Marie Kondo’s advice about throwing away “sentimental value” items you never use anymore: you mentally “thank” the item for its service and the memories and then release it.

Ending a relationship (including a friendship) is always sad, but it’s a part of life. If that relationship was ever positive for you, you don’t have to give that memory up just because you’re moving on. I’ve had to cut out several friends who were LV on my level-up journey. It might seem harsh, but ultimately you don’t owe anyone your time or energy, regardless of history. Friendship is a mutual opt-in.

dkwantsdk · 2021-09-17T21:46:07+00:00

Your feelings are completely legitimate. Blocking people you care about and cutting them out of your life is extremely painful. Fill yourself with loving compassion and allow yourself to mourn what was lost. But do not let that distract you from doing what needs to be done.

Read this post I made about using visualization techniques to help you through this process https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p3tn6h/reinforcing_and_maximizing_the_benefits_of_no/

modernmedusaa · 2021-09-17T17:06:27+00:00

To avoid psychotic backlash

Slow fade & blame your mental health

Then block. Then ignore them in public & say you’re in a rush

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-09-17T13:38:43+00:00

I’ve cut off a few guy friends before. Some because I had feelings, most because they had feelings, but all of the relationships were bad for me.

Some of them took themselves out, some i just let fade over time, but I’ve had a few frank discussions as well.

Basically, your first priority is yourself, not him, not his feelings, not what he learns from it, and not what he thinks of you.

Just you.

What I did the most recent time I cut a friend off was I put it in writing so he could not only review it as often as he wanted, but he would have no opportunity to derail the conversation, or try to talk me out of my decision. And I opened with that exact statement, too. “I dislike doing this in writing, I would like to think that our friendship deserves more, but I want to be able to get this all out without you trying to change my mind. Changing my mind isn’t possible at this point.” And on to my feelings. I kept it brief. His persistence in thinking that he could passively persuade me into seeing past all of our fundamental differences had worn me out, emotionally, and I no longer had any desire to maintain the friendship. That the moment I’d made major life decision to move halfway across the country had been immediately followed with the thought of how to deal with his feelings about it, and the inevitable campaign he would make to change my mind was too much to deal with while packing and leaving. That instead of fighting with him over my decisions, I was preemptively cutting him off, and would no longer answer his calls, starting today.

But. That was a man who had feelings for me. This isn’t an appropriate approach if the situation is that you have unrequited feelings for him. They don’t have any desire to understand your side, so there’s no need to give it to them, or any of your energy.

If you can’t just stop talking to him, if you think that it would cause him to pay more attention and love bomb you back into his influence, then having that conversation might be necessary. It’s still easier to write it out, but the message has to still be final.

“Dear Dong, hey hope you’re having a great week, I just wanted to give you the heads up on some stuff. I’ve really enjoyed our friendship and I’m thankful for the time we’ve spent together. (Ego stroke so he feels seen 🙄)

I find myself needing to take a step away from it and figure some things out for myself though, and that includes some relationships that I have. (It’s not about him, so he won’t get defensive and try to prove you wrong)

(Do not promise to revisit the friendship at a later date. This keeps both of you anticipating a future)

This doesn’t mean I won’t say hi when I see you, and nothing bad has happened, at all! (More placating so he won’t feel obligated to “set you straight”)

I feel comfortable saying this to you because I know that you’re capable of understanding that sometimes, friendships evolve, and people need space that they didn’t expect to want. You’re smart enough to get that, and I appreciate that you respect me enough to know that this is what I want. (Foregone conclusion that he will comply, also, when you compliment people for being the way you want them to be, they tend to want to live up to that)

Thanks so much for this, (foregone conclusion, it’s also making it seem like he’s generously doing you a favor by leaving you alone)

Me”

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-09-17T13:48:16+00:00

If he is disrespectful in any way or causes you pain and heartache than it's appropriate to go cold turkey and ghost him to protect yourself.

Block him everywhere and delete his contacts so you don't have the urge to reach out to him.

If he confronts you un person at school, tell him that this is what you need right now and ask him to honor your decision and refrain from communicating from now on.

You'll be in pain for a while but it surely will get much, much better sooner than you think.

Good luck!

ShitFaced_Dumbledore · 2021-09-17T16:13:08+00:00

Yeah I cut off my male best friend who was LV. I wasn’t attracted to him at ALL. I usually dont befriend men I find attractive. He would always make sexual jokes that made me uncomfortable. Once I leveled up I should have cut him off then

When I started dating my current boyfriend, this “friend” started berating me for my standards of having him pay for everything and if he was dating a girl like me he would think I was using him blah blah.

For the record he only dated pick-me’s with really low self esteem and he himself had no standards (he would hook-up with anyone regardless of looks). He would call the girls he was dating crazy and go on rants that women in general were crazy. That was the last straw for me lol.

I called him out that he was purposely dating women he could exploit because healthy women do not want to date his sorry ass, so of course he was attracting these unstable women. I cut him off for good. Blocked him and cut all contact.

My life has been better without him draining me and calling me about his newest tinder escapades. We went through a lot together with him being there for me for past shitty relationships but i realized that we were toxic and incompatible as friends now that i was in a healthier place so it had to be done.

letsberealforamoment · 2021-09-17T18:28:26+00:00

The answer is deceptively simple: You don't let your feelings override rational decisionmaking.

How to do this is worthy of its own post.

Look at the words you used. This person is toxic to you. Yet, you struggle with kicking him out of your life. He isn't even a family member or a spouse, so kicking him out of your life is much easier than those two prior scenarios. Ask yourself, why would want to harm yourself by keeping him in your life? Also, if you you knew that a beloved female member of your family had this toxic person in her life, how would you feel about it? What would you tell her to do if she asked?

meecy166 · 2021-09-17T18:58:28+00:00

I understand where you are coming from, but I believe in cutting off toxic guy friends not just all of them. I also have never had feelings for my guy friends and I have a lot of good guy friends and I vet them and any sign of disrespect and they are blocked. I also grew up as the only girl out of brothers so I've always had guy friends

Hot_Procedure1648 · 2021-09-18T00:12:33+00:00

Hmmmm, maybe try becoming comfortable with your solitude first. As it means you wont settle with any old person that offers to be friends with you. Much like men, your friends need to prove themselves worthy for your commitment and trust. Because unless you're completely isolated, you probably been conditioned to need friends and people in your life leading to a toxic/ detrimental mindset. Because a lot of activity done with friends can be done solo without needing to compromise for anyone. Also, no such thing as a man-friend.

Title	Cut off your guy friend
Author	Lightningxxx
Upvotes	213
Comments	49
Date	September 17, 2021 11:49 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ppymu7/cut_off_your_guy_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/cut-off-your-guy-friend.1075963 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075963

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