So I’ve just noticed we have a ‘Field Report’ flair option - does anyone mind if I jump into a diary-style recap of my current thoughts and experiences with circular dating?

This week I’m talking to eight people regularly via phone and texting, and had in person dates on both Saturday and Sunday. I like to keep about eight - ten people in regular rotation to talk to/meet up with. Keeps it interesting and there is always new people moving in and out of favour, with one or two that I most enjoy spending time with.

Currently this is an all new lot of people, I’ve recently cleared out the last lot after I didn’t really have any interest of them. Next!!

The suitors (names changed)

  1. Sam - 37, works in the family restaurant business, aspiring novel writer. Met off OKCupid and chatted a lot on there as we had many similar interests. He suggested we move to texting off app and then it dropped to ‘check in’ texts from him every morning with little actual communication. He asked to meet up for lunch on the Saturday (see recap below) and I almost didn’t go as the plans seemed fuzzy even up to the actual day.
  2. Peter - 48, creative designer with a big corporation, also a hobby painter (very talented too!). He had messaged me directly on OKCupid before I came across his profile months later. I matched with him as I wanted to ask about his age discrepancy (profile set at 38, text in bio said ‘I’m not actually 42’....) he admitted he’s 48 but feels young at heart. We kept chatting over time and he asked me out for the Sunday date (recap below).
  3. Damien - 38, Sous chef and recently divorced. Met through friends, as nerdy and obsessed with pop culture and sci-fi as I am and the person I most enjoy talking to. Way too busy with work and family (four year old child, shared custody) for anything to develop at the moment but makes sure to reach out daily and communicates that he wants to get to know me better.
  4. Ken - 33, professional removalist. Laid up in hospital the entire time we’ve been talking (three weeks) with a major foot injury incurred on his job. Managing his expectations atm, feels like his cabin fever of being stuck in a hospital bed has put too much pressure on a connection here. He bought me a present of some kind online and talks about how he wakes up thinking of me - all after only texting during this time. He’s out of hospital on Sunday and I want to see how the energy changes as he gets back to normal life.
  5. Michael - 42, financial... something? He doesn’t like to talk about work and he’s on probation for taking about sex and ‘snuggling’ twice. Continually tells me how gorgeous I am when he ‘goes back to look at my profile’, but insists he’s looking for a relationship and not a hookup. Against my better judgement I have agreed to go out to dinner tonight after work, making him drive across the city to see me and I picked the venue to fit into my schedule easily.
  6. Cameron - 38, motoring safety coordinator. Hottest guy of the lot, so friendly and of the bunch feels like the most HVM purely at face value. Went out for dinner last night, recap on the way.
  7. Richard - 44, mechanic. Not a lot in common, bit of a ‘dad’ energy going on and feels like he might be too old for me but chatting and phone calls so far, taking it slowly as I don’t know if I want to meet up yet. Literally feels like talking to my father.
  8. Tim, 40 - chef/construction labourer. We ‘met’ on okcupid last year and started talking again when I redownloaded last month. I cancelled a date last week when he refused to send through a recent selfie (his OLD profile hasn’t been updated and it’s a single headshot). He’s since apologised profusely and sent photos to make amends, and I’ve learned why there are no pics - grossly overweight even though his profile says ‘average’ body. He wants to arrange another date however and keeps calling and chasing. Not convinced.

The dates

  • Saturday - Met Simon in the city, as I was already going in to do some clothes shopping for work. First impression was that he was shorter that his bio says (about 5’5 compared to the 5’9 he listed), but well dressed and very handsome. Headed down to the river and then he could not decide where to eat and was being really picky with cuisine and food dislikes. Shits me to tears - make a damn decision! Finally picked a place, food was great and he picked up the tab. Sat in a park near the water for a while and learnt more about each other. Our schedules don’t match and he lives with his parents at the moment to save money so would make it harder to connect regularly if we ever progressed to the sleepover or lazy house chill stage. Totally not what I’m looking for in a partner atm. He’s messaged a few times afterwards to check in, but no plans to meet up again.
  • Sunday - Peter suggested we ‘go for a walk’ for our first date and I said no and that I needed to meet in public and would prefer to have a meal together. While he pulled his finger out and booked a restaurant when pushed, he drove me completely up the wall in person with his inability to function as a normal human being. Complained about not understanding Melbourne’s dining culture - apparently he goes out for dinner once every six months or so so he thinks it’s a waste of time and money. He also only talked about himself the entire time, I felt like I was holding a job interview. Finally, he denigrated my career choice and achievements and all the while I was just marvelling at how absurd he was being for someone trying to make a good dating first impression. He picked up the tab, we parted ways at the door and I unmatched him and deleted his number when I got home. He messaged later that he had a good time and I thanked him for the day out and haven’t heard from him again.

Insights

  • Nothing annoys me more than indecisiveness, pick a date, a time, a place and meet me there ready for the experience. Don’t faff around deciding what to eat or drink. Have a plan 👏 Stick to the plan 👏 Don’t waste my time 👏 Both these dudes this week need to work on their organisational skills, stat!
  • I don’t want to date men who are living with their family, I don’t want to hang out with your parents every time I come visit you if we are dating. Save that for Sunday dinners and special occasions. If you live with your folks and you are >35, nothing it going to happen between us.
  • If you don’t like the processes of dating (actually going out on dates to eat food and drink)... don’t put yourself out there to date people? Or if you do dust yourself off to go out to eat and drink don’t then complain about having to do it, it makes you a tedious bore.
  • It’s getting closer to the holiday season and the men are thirsty, clingy and needy. There is a lot of love-bombing and future-planning going on with some of these guys and if I was a weaker person I would be totally swayed by their platitudes. Instead I keep reminding the offenders that it’s too early to be making those kind of big statements and I prefer to take it slow. There’s a general wave of desperation coming off all the single guys atm as they try to lock someone down for the holidays. Be wary ladies.