[deleted by user]

FDS-GFY · 2021-09-02T21:08:22+00:00

Degrees of low value is like ranking the smell of dog shit.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-03T08:49:30+00:00

Mhm. In general, benchmark guys against yourself, not each other. Suddenly most of them get way less appealing.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2021-09-03T04:26:01+00:00

I have such a hard time, cause I have attracted someone who wasn’t really into me, but was desperate for a girlfriend. I sent mixed signals (living in an abusive household where having a boyfriend could lead to abuse, I was in denial of this due to gaslighting and complicit parties, low value narc father basically who would get jealous,) but I thought he was amazing cause he literally molded himself into exactly what I needed; defended me ( a few times he didn’t, which was a red flag,) would do sporadic big romantic gestures, showed empathy for my feelings (always asked me if I was ok,) and has an intuitive and empathetic understanding of ky boundaries, I never had to explain them, once.

This is basic decency. But I wasn’t use to it (abondonment issues from my mother gave me euphoria that he would wait and let me trust him in my terms, but the desperation of someone wanting me that bad made me yearn and feel emotional,) he also didn’t sexually objectify women.

But it wasn’t me, I was just the first girl to say “yes” or to show clear interest back.

I’m grateful for this sub cause another woman posted that a man “seemed high value” but once she turned him down she saw him go right back in dating apps.

I’m always afraid I’ll fall for love bombing since I’m avoidant attached and that draws anxious attachment styles. The ones who love bomb me and coax it as it being “my idea” and I’ll know it’s l manipulative on some level, but I assume they’re just doing the high value things to get a girlfriend.

I always worry I’ll be the type to fall for a charming narcissist. I do tend to make excuses for bad behavior with “he was nice to me before.”

Determinedblonde · 2021-09-03T06:58:39+00:00

I love how black and white the sub is - sure he ticks some boxes, but if he doesn’t tick the rest, he’s low value.

Simple 👍🏻

Storm_Shadow4265 · 2021-09-03T04:43:35+00:00

Exactly. You can't be picking out the best trash from the dumpster. It's still trash.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-09-03T10:35:43+00:00

I must admit I have tolerated some bad behaviours from my last boyfriend on the account that ‘he wasn’t as bad as my ex’. I agree with the lady saying we need time alone after a bad relationship. It’s time to reset our standards and readjust our perception of what is normal and what is not acceptable, basically seeing the gaslighting for what it is and no longer allowing it. I’m glad I took a year out and worked on myself and my confidence. This sub has also been a great help!

Another thing I find helpful is having a few references, male public figures, male family members who are high value and refer back to ‘would he do that?’. For me, as an example: ‘would Barack tell Michelle to pay for half her dinner?’ 😊

Vmchik · 2021-09-03T11:23:26+00:00

It’s been two years since my last relationship and I’ve also been celibate in that time. I’m so glad I took this time to myself because I see my mistakes so clearly now. I remember I thought I was basically in love with one of my exes because I thought he was so great. Now I throw up a little thinking about all the ways I was a pickme for a man who did the bare minimum. I’m glad I can say if I met any of my exes now, we wouldn’t last past the first date. That’s growth and it only came because I’m content being alone now.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-09-03T13:42:03+00:00

This is where I use the shit sandwich analogy.

Imagine your favorite sandwich. You're really hungry, it's got all the fixings, but there's a catch. There is a tiny bit of shit in the sandwich. You don't know where, but it's in there.

Are you still going to eat the sandwich?

Altowhovian93 · 2021-09-03T14:43:44+00:00

I saw a post some where that said abusive men pave the way for mediocre men putting no effort in and reaping the benefits. Men need to be held to standards, not just better than who came before.

TieDieEye · 2021-09-03T15:12:19+00:00

I'm so scared of falling into this trap because I've never seriously dated a man who hasn't cheated on me or tried to. (I've had like 2 boyfriends)

I feel like once I date a guy who is actually loyal I'll just think he's god gift to earth while he's actually just doing the bare minimum...

Dating sucks.

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-09-03T18:45:11+00:00

When you put it this way you radicalise me all over again and I think “God. I’ve still got a little pickme inside.” 🤢

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Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	625
Comments	23
Date	September 2, 2021 7:21 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/femaledatingstrategy/comments/pgorab/deleted-by-user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/deleted-by-user.1602456 https://theredarchive.com/post/1602456

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