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gingerandlime · 2022-01-18T19:29:30+00:00

Please reconsider the concept of “how can we protect ourselves from getting dumped over this”. There is so much more wrong in this relationship than how often he is “getting” sex.

glendoraza · 2022-01-18T19:28:51+00:00

Well it is a good idea to break up over sexual incompatibility. I would advise you to break up with someone who is not looking for the same thing as you

Compatibility is important for the longevity of a bond.

How to protect ourselves? My neighbor has a low libido so she married a guy with low libido. They are intimate that way once a year. Their love language is quality time together

So short answer is committing to someone who is sexually compatible. Even then people change and break ups can still happen

EarthKveik · 2022-01-18T19:28:56+00:00

"Girlfriend of 3 years"

Yeah. Bit of a give away right there. He was never serious about her in the first place, and is now looking for a way to ditch her that doesn't make him look like the limp-dicked bad guy.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-01-18T19:29:19+00:00

Tell me you've never put a dish in the sink without telling me.

samedinuitmort · 2022-01-18T19:35:35+00:00

It seems to me like he’s also a victim of misogyny (as most men are), and his self esteem comes from his sexuality. I say that because he said he feels “unwanted”, and there are many many ways to want a person outside of sex. He might have been passionately wanted, for his company, his character, his laughter and humor, his presence, his cuddles and comfort, but her ability to have sex is just about once a week. For men who are taught to value themselves for their sexual achievement only, that’s a blind spot. I feel sorry for him - feeling unwanted because you’re not constantly being fucked sounds pretty sad.

Outside of this, if it was really a mismatch in libidos, I’d hope the guy would pick up on that earlier than 3 years in!

My best advice/guess is that a true HVM would not show signs of putting sex on a pedestal, and would value himself for more than his sexual “achievements” as well. That and being mature enough to understand that the frequency of sex naturally fluctuates over the years. Doing it every day isn’t even all that from what I’ve heard of couples trying to conceive.

The eating out bit had me crack up a bit.
But it’s mostly sad, he objectifies her and himself too.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2022-01-18T19:32:40+00:00

He should probably quit porn and talk to her about what she needs to feel desire and in the mood. It sounds like a chore for her to just fuck on demand, because he hasn't bothered to do anything to get her in the mood besides try and demand a higher frequency of service. 🙄

pinkgirly111 · 2022-01-18T19:44:11+00:00

i have realized the only reason most men even want a relationship is for regular sex. that’s all.

gingerwabisabi · 2022-01-18T19:38:45+00:00

I don't think breaking up over sexual incompatibility is shallow. It's quite possible he was a terrible boyfriend, but given the information we have it looks to me like he wanted to be a good lover to her but she just isn't very into it. There could be any number of reasons and back story that would make him a bad person, but this does not at the moment seem to be a case of a man dumping a sick woman or any of those shallow reasons we see a lot. It looks like a sad but needed end to a relationship. Both can now go find someone better suited for them.

cakewalkofshame · 2022-01-18T19:46:57+00:00

This is not a loss on her part. I don't think either should stay through such a big incompatibility. Also ICK at him expecting her to let him go down on her when she isn't in the mood. She prob knows it's not about her at all but his gratification and it (rightly) feels like he is masturbating with her body to get off. That and/or he's terrible at it.

dating-adventures · 2022-01-18T19:25:05+00:00

Is this a case of something deeper? When I was reading this, what jumped out was his ability to throw away 3 years over sex frequency. It seems like he didn’t truly love her. And everyone is defending him in the comments, calling him brave.

So, how do we know a man won’t turn on us like this? Especially if we have sexual boundaries?

I think one approach is to find out about his sexual past, and why his former relationships didn’t work out. If he mentions “sexual incompatibility” it might be a tell that he will likely throw away another relationship over the frequency he gets sucked off.

Edit: a better question to ask: how can we protect ourselves from a man shallow enough to dump a woman over this? Can’t edit my title in my post

NoMoreLVM · 2022-01-18T19:56:47+00:00

He acts as if sex frequency is completely irrelevant to all other aspects of the relationship. They’ve been together for three years and he doesn’t know if she’s vanilla or not? He clearly doesn’t take any emotional or intellectual interest in her as a person, no wonder she doesn’t want to sleep with him. Good riddance

Lost_Kale90 · 2022-01-18T20:03:16+00:00

Honestly I'm glad he broke up with her instead of staying with her and cheating, gaslighting, manipulating or abusing her (obviously can't be sure he didn't though).

"She feels like a sex toy" - sums up most sex with men.

I don't care about sex that much, so for me I'm going to find someone who also doesn't care about sex that much. So that might include - guys who have bigger and better things to do with their time, guys who don't exhibit sexual or emotional immaturity (i.e. making sexual jokes, making comments on my ass or boobs, throwing tantrums...), guys who don't like misogynistic movies or celebs, guys who don't want to "cuddle" or "massage" me, and guys with integrity (so they can tell me up front how they feel about sex). I also am not having sex these days, so from the beginning most guys will take themselves out of the picture.

MamaGia · 2022-01-18T22:16:39+00:00

This was a big issue in my previous relationship.

He couldn't figure out why I didn't want to fuck a man who sleeps in his own filth, won't wash a dish, won't flush (nevermind clean his toilet).

Once you have to ask a man to clean up after himself it's over. In my experience once Tou see that man as a child (because they act like children) you don't want to have sex with him.

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scorchedsouI · 2022-01-18T19:55:43+00:00

You can't "protect" yourself from this. Sexual compatibility is very important, in the sense that both people need to not only have a healthy understanding of sex, but a similar libido. I'm sure she's been feeling pressured to engage in sexual acts to please him, which isn't a good way to live at all.

If a man wants a relationship with a lot of sex and the woman doesn't, the man needs to respect the woman's desires and boundaries and either adapt to her needs, or break up.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	30
Date	January 18, 2022 7:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/femaledatingstrategy/comments/s75gtg/deleted-by-user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/deleted-by-user.1602525 https://theredarchive.com/post/1602525

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