Exactly! Stop accepting zero effort and start demanding what you deserve!

MakeURegret · 2020-11-07T22:54:06+00:00

In fact it generally makes you more anxious.

Trying to get what you want, while settling for less than you deserve, is a recipe for uneasiness.

skyerippa · 2020-11-08T01:15:38+00:00

[deleted]

AlextheAnalyst · 2020-11-08T00:01:26+00:00

Without said preferences, expectations and boundaries... you will not be an individual. You will be an object.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2020-11-08T06:37:20+00:00

100 % Correct. For some reason lots of movies and TV shows that target the female demographic try to teach us the opposite: no expectations, no standards, be " the cool girl", accept everything, let it slide and go with the flow... then something really dramatic happens, usually because he does something nasty and "somehow" he will realize she is "the one" (who waited patiently like a dog) and they go together into the sunset. quite vomit-inducing...

redvioletta · 2020-11-08T00:59:48+00:00

People respect you more if you have boundaries too! I used to be treated as a doormat before I learned that boundaries don’t make me a bad person.

wayward_woman · 2020-11-08T05:19:40+00:00

EW my ex literally made me do some "spiritual" ritual with him where we wrote down both of our expectations and then crumbled them up and burned them in a fire 🤣

valleycupcake · 2020-11-08T03:46:45+00:00

That explains why I could never get through The Respect Dare. The first chapter is writing down all your expectations of your husband, and then committing to giving them up as you work through the rest. Couldn’t do it. Things like work for a living, be at least polite when speaking to me, brush your teeth twice a day, don’t throw things at me, use soap when you shower, pick up your own messes, don’t waste your life away getting high...

Pudding5050 · 2020-11-08T06:51:09+00:00

It took me a long time to learn but people will respect you more if you establish boundaries and stand up for yourself. If you allow everything, people will take you for granted.

sassylittlespoon · 2020-11-08T00:29:43+00:00

This is something I used to really struggle with. I grew up in a house where I felt that I had to earn love rather than being given love. My parents, while well meaning, really fucked me in this regard. I felt like I had to be something that I’m just not to “fit” into the world. I did things like get married and have kids not because I wanted to, but because I felt as though it was expected of me. It’s caused me so many issues in life that extend well beyond romantic relationships. My soul was constantly screaming to stop but I just didn’t know how. I’m trying now to be true to myself but I almost feel like it’s not worth it because me finally putting myself first will hurt other people. Which I obviously don’t want to do. It’s the biggest reason I ended my marriage, even though my ex is HVM. I just HATED being someone’s wife/mother before I was just me.

Sorry for the vomit. Apparently I needed to get that out.

throwaway1456738 · 2020-11-08T01:42:30+00:00

I talked on the phone last night with a guy from bumble who asked me why I liked older guys than me (he was 26 I’m 22 soon to be 23)

I expressed I prefer slightly older men because despite me still being in school I have a preference for men who are established because they can generally and afford to treat me to nice dates. He then started laughing and said but “you’re broke, why do you deserve that? What do you have to bring to the table?”

I then told him I had no shortage of men offering me this on a daily basis and that was just a minimum standard for my time and that I was no longer interested in the conversation and hung up / blocked. 😇

Gambit12345 · 2020-11-08T13:28:00+00:00

Being chill won’t get you anywhere. It’ll make the man think ‘she’s so cool she’s fine with nothing, I never have to do anything.’ This is why vetting matters. After a week of meeting my ex I had sex with him. We’d only been on two dates, one at a restaurant, the second at a bar. After we got in the relationship, (he was like what do I want out of this and I said a relationship. And he said cool we want the same thing. He didn’t even come out and ask me to be his gf wtf). there were no more dates after that. Not even kidding. You’d think we’d been married for years or something, the way he became so settled and comfortable so early. Like a month later I got in a fight with him because he didn’t do anything sweet for me. He was even saying shit like I needed to take HIM to the beach. Like he wanted to be the Gf or something. No flowers, no dates, I didn’t feel like a gf at all more like a fuck buddy.

When confronted he legit said our relationship was great except for the fights I started and if I wanted to be happy I had to stop expecting so much. I should’ve dumped him right there. But as I was the chill pick me gf I said ok I want to make this work, like a dumbass.

Don’t force what don’t fit! I wanted to be chill and just go with the flow, thinking ok maybe he just has to fall for me more or maybe he’s just burnt out of his last relationship (which I found out, from my sleuthing, had ended like 2 weeks before he met me 🤦🏽‍♀️) I even asked if I was his rebound and he was like no not at all😒 I was like his tail just going along with everything he wanted to do. In being chill I lost my identity and my voice. I couldn’t speak up for what I wanted over time because I didn’t even know anymore.moral of the story VET VET VET

MrAndMrsCremgroblin · 2020-11-08T01:40:47+00:00

I’ve been in a relationship for over a year vs my best friend at six months.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, because we were long distance and it was both of ours first “real” relationship, we sat down one day and had a long talk about both of our boundaries and came up with a pretty clear rules for what was and wasn’t okay. Nothing crazy just things like; no being alone with someone opposite sex in your dorm room, no hanging out alone with someone opposite sex late at night. There’s more but all in all I feel like it was pretty reasonable, and we’ve both had instances where we maybe pushed boundaries but we’d talk about it together and move on.

My best friend meanwhile has been dating a guy she knew from high school for the past six months (also long distance). she would say she felt that my boyfriend and I are controlling and way too jealous. She and her boyfriend didn’t discuss anything ever and despite having been friends in high school and overall knowing each other much longer then my boyfriend and I have, the two are god awful at talking.

Guess which one out of the two of us is constantly complaining to the other about her boyfriend’s female friends how she doesn’t like how her boyfriend is with them. Is constantly trying (and failing) to make her boyfriend jealous ?

mimiandthekeyboard · 2020-11-08T06:08:46+00:00

Took me the longest time to realize this

bklyn4ever · 2020-11-08T12:12:41+00:00

Words to live by! They are trying to sell “relaxed” as a virtue when it comes to to lazy men don’t fall for it.

Title	Exactly! Stop accepting zero effort and start demanding what you deserve!
Author	Betrayedforskittles
Upvotes	2195
Comments	38
Date	November 7, 2020 10:34 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jpzwnj/exactly_stop_accepting_zero_effort_and_start/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/exactly-stop-accepting-zero-effort-and-start.736777 https://theredarchive.com/post/736777

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