Falling in love should be a stress-free experience for you

Sage_Planter · 2021-12-05T15:10:53+00:00

One of the biggest lies women are fed is that "relationships are tough," "relationships are hard work," and that drama, fights, arguments, blah blah blah.

This is not true.

Yes, relationships aren't always 100% easy breezy, but they're not the drama-filled rollercoaster we're led to believe. I dated a NVM for three years, and our relationship was like a soap opera. The problem was that with all the "true love is worth it" bullshit we've been fed, I didn't have the sense to recognize that the whole thing was entirely unhealthy.

I'm in a much healthier relationship now, and there's none of that nonsense. This will sound silly, but when we first started dating, it almost felt "boring" because things were so easy. I was so accustomed to fights and drama that healthy felt wrong. I'm sure this happens to women all the time when they go from toxicity to healthy.

masterofthebarkarts · 2021-12-05T21:41:27+00:00

Dating my husband was incredibly easy.

Falling in love with my husband was incredibly easy.

Being married to my husband is incredibly easy.

No, neither one of us is perfect and we've both worked on our growth and communication, but even that has been (relatively) easy.

My relationship with my husband is the easiest one I have in many ways.

Maybe I'm just lazy, but when I see the amount of "work" some women put into their relationships, all I can think is "wow that sounds exhausting".

The easiness of my marriage spreads out into other aspects of my life and makes those easier too. It's a bedrock, foundational part of who I am and who I want to be, and the ease of it frees up so much time and attention to focus on other things.

I didn't believe relationships could be this easy until I got into this one, and my goal whenever I come here it to try to convince women that better is possible and worth waiting for.

Your relationship shouldn't be a half-built house that's constantly falling apart and that you're desperately fighting to keep in one piece. At most it should be a lovely and warm home where you occasionally swap out the light fixtures or update the paint colour when your tastes change.

CarNo5059 · 2021-12-05T19:46:49+00:00

I'm so sick of people telling me relationships are hard and after FDS I've cut off every single person who tells me that.

Relationships should be easy because being with people should make you live happier, more fulfilling and longer lives, not stressed, sick and vulnerable to death.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-12-05T09:46:04+00:00

Agree but we still need to vet and follow FDS handbook.

Stunning-Ad14 · 2021-12-05T10:24:24+00:00

(Originally wrote this as a FDS post but didn’t get it approved, though it fits as a comment here along the lines of whether any level of stress added should be tolerated in the context of starting/establishing a relationship:)

I’m curious if anyone here has vetted extensively and found no red flags to suggest someone isn’t a HVM, only for their subconscious/emotional mind to send them (rare) signals indicating that something still isn’t quite right despite finding no explicit evidence to the contrary? I imagine these could take many forms but just to list a few examples: an uneasy/gloomy feeling in the gut; uncharacteristic emotional sensitivity or crying; the subtle feeling of walking on eggshells; and other negative sensations that may throw you from time to time but otherwise are so infrequent you often forget they’re even there.

I’m in my first longer-term relationship approaching one year, and honestly don’t know if these subtle signs are common emotional “growing pains” that tend to accompany the process of getting to know a man more deeply until we settle into our stride in communication and mutual understanding (and as such can be expected to self-resolve in time), OR if these feelings are red flags in themselves that wouldn’t be present in the first place if the person I’m dating were truly a HVM.

Please, share your experiences/insights relating to whether these feelings are red flags or red herrings and help a girl out!

timefornewgods · 2021-12-05T13:08:41+00:00

Yes! I say this all of the tiiiiiiiime. Dating should not be some ordeal where you are constantly second-guessing yourself and every interaction you have with someone you're attracted to. You shouldn't have to grit your teeth and tolerate weird behavior because someone's brand of violent behavior is not overarching or conspicuous.

Dating should be fun, first and foremost. Overanalyzing should be reserved for big financial, career, lifestyle, etc. choices, not whether to give people a chance, counter to your gut screaming "NO" at you.

LadiesOpinion · 2021-12-05T22:34:39+00:00

Sis I'm working so hard to internalize this, a lifetime habit of Trauma Bonds is hard to kick... I've grown so accustomed to the emotional rollercoaster, that a healthy bond instantly registers as 'friendship' and any attraction/chemistry vanishes.

FDS and posts like this one really help keep me grounded and alert for potential future dating prospects. For which I cannot thank you enough!

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2021-12-06T13:26:08+00:00

I feel like I had an 'a-ha!' moment when I learnt this through the handbook. Dating should be fun. Having a man in your life should make it better. Falling in love should make you feel good about yourself.

I never realised before how much I had romanticised toxicity and chasing after a man. It's disgusting and a lie. Love should be so easy and fun and there's so many young women being taught otherwise and I'm convinced it's why they stick around when the man starts showing abusive tendencies. They've been conditioned too.

mewmewnekochan · 2021-12-05T23:50:55+00:00

I am feeling anxious bc this guy says he is in love w me and he wants to get married and committed etc etc.and I tell him to slow down and then he says that he feels like I dont truly trust in him and his heart.

candyfox84 · 2021-12-07T01:43:33+00:00

Yes! This is one of my favorite points in the handbook and I’m always glad to see it mentioned. It pretty much sums it all up.

Title	Falling in love should be a stress-free experience for you
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	612
Comments	22
Date	December 5, 2021 8:33 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r9bc8s/falling_in_love_should_be_a_stressfree_experience/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/falling-in-love-should-be-a-stress-free-experience.1088603 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088603

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