Please note that I am NOT a licensed social worker. I am currently in grad school earning my MSW and I have been working in medical case management for the past year.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1. Be VERY careful when moving in with men and other significant others. Always have a back up plan. I’ve had at least 3 clients lose their housing because their relationship ended.

2. Even the most seemingly high-value men can change up on you in later life. I have 2 lovely older ladies on my caseload right now who still live with their abusive ex-husbands. This is not by choice and they swear everything was fine until a few years ago. These women are both retirement age (65+) and low-income which makes it VERY hard for them to find an affordable place to move to by themselves. DV shelters are not an option for these women and their families either live out of town or can’t accommodate them. Always have a back up plan.

3. The idea that “your children will take care of you in your old age” can be a myth. I have a client who speaks very little English who is food insecure because her husband and children spend their grocery money on take out and do not buy any food for her. Also, she has not been to a doctor in over a year. I know that her husband and 2 of her kids speak fluent English as well as their native language. I scheduled a physical for her and I communicate with her through a translation service, but I wonder why her family isn’t doing a little more to care for her. She is also a little older (65+) and has a health condition.

4. Vicarious trauma is real. Please pay extra attention to your mental state if you spend time with anyone who always seems to have a lot going on.

5. We should be able to trust our medical providers, but that doesn’t mean we can. I have seen providers prescribe medications on the patient’s request without checking their charts to see if they are necessary, bill insurance for health conditions that patients have never had, and write condescending or disrespectful emergency room care notes about patients with psychiatric or substance abuse issues.

6. As we always say, women with more money have more choices and louder voices. A lot of landlords take advantage of renters of low-income. I have been to some of my client’s homes and seen pest infestations, mold, and conditions that no person should be forced to live in. These clients know this and hate their living conditions but cannot afford to move. A lot of them are also completely unaware of their legal rights as a tenant until I link them up with a housing specialist. Also, all the clients I have that are in this situation are women.

7. Women are a LOT more diligent and proactive in looking after their health. I said what I said and the numbers agree .

8. It takes 7-15 attempts for a survivor of domestic violence to leave their abuser. The reasons for this are complex and varied.

9. A lot of jobs that are mostly staffed by women tend to be undervalued. Our company is proudly 96% female but we are definitely overworked and casually expected to go above and beyond the already ridiculous demands of the job. I’m sure any teachers, nurses, daycare employees, and babysitters reading this will agree.