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loftycries
[–]Substantial-Win-7612FDS Newbie 339 points340 points341 points 5 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
Even though I know it, nonetheless it hurts like a heart stab every time I read it somewhere
[–]msromperstomperFDS Apprentice 120 points121 points122 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I think it's the "he doesn't want you part", but we have to keep reminding ourselves to turn it around and ask the right question, which is "Do I really want him?" As women we have to get out of the mindset that we are here to be chosen - we need to remember that WE are in the driver's seat. WE are empowered, a man needs to meet OUR standards, WE get to choose.
[–]Confection_EfficientFDS Newbie 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. Girl. Yes.
[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Another poster on a previous thread said we can also look at this as his moving on to an easier target and we've dodged a bullet.
[–]r4nd0m-u53r204 points 5 years ago [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
I think because we are conditioned to believe that it is our self worth in question. If we were worth it we would change him. So him doing this to us, makes us believe there is something wrong with us. Even the principal of "Men love bitches" so we need to have better boundaries can feel a bit like "If I had better boundaries this man would love me".
I now reframe this as "Even if I had better boundaries I would not want a man who treated me without decency just because he "could" I want a man who treats people with a base level of respect. So men who do this are doing us a favor and showing us what type of person they are.
Edit: I also want a man who is able to communicate "hey, I think we are on different pages" or hey "I think we have a misunderstanding and I'm not looking for X with you"
[–]witchingsauce 48 points49 points50 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
🏅 I had to keep reminding myself people who want to treat you like shit will. It’s not supposed to be a grappling match or constant exhausting vigilance to protect yourself. We’re supposed to have fun. But that’s not what dating these days is. Predators are simply out there!
[–]jenneke-gotenbergFDS Newbie 70 points71 points72 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Edit: I also want a man who is able to communicate "hey, I think we are on different pages" or hey "I think we have a misunderstanding and I'm not looking for X with you
Although preferably not after three years together....
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
LVM can't do that. the bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. but they will go in the bush with bird in the hand. they will keep a woman in a pretend relationship until something better comes along. if he doesn't communicate he wants to be with you/ not be with you and plays the pretend game, just say pass and leave because if he wanted to, he would. he keeps playing it because it suits him just fine. oftentimes, no thought is spared to the woman.
[–]Platipus6FDS Disciple 35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've been on dates with men and they've opened Tinder lmao.
and one guy was looking wistfully in the distance and said that a woman on POF hadn't messaged him for a week.
They're braindead zombies at this stage.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is why OLD is not a good idea. it isn't worth it!
for the 0.001% of HVM, you shouldn't have to deal with the 99.9999% of LVM and NVM in there!
[–]bunsmoriaFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same. After all those years. Makes me think to never date again😩
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie 103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Noooooooooooooo
When you read it, think of yourself being handed the key to handcuffs! The clouds part, a beam of sunlight shines on you, that “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” singing from the heavens. “Here, is your key. You are free.”
Don’t take the key and start feeling sad about the handcuffs. Lady, you’re worth way too much for that.
[–]DifferentBar6 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You explained it very nicely. This is why I think "Female Liberation Strategy" is a more appropriate title than "FDS"!
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
We don't realize that we're being freed by our captors because of of cockholm syndrome.
[–]FireflySky86FDS Newbie 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I feel both. Definitely a gut punch but, one that feels better somehow afterwards. Growth is painful, but a different kind of pain, one that is worth the struggle.
[–]Substantial-Win-7612FDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, it’s like: okay fine, let’s pick up my heart pieces and move on. But I will never beg, no madame
[–]achelois_healerFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love this explanation 🤗
[–][deleted] 123 points124 points125 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You have no worth to him because he had none for himself. Remember that and don’t ever take his shit personality, disrespect and mistreatment personal no matter how good you were to him!
[–][deleted] 142 points143 points144 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And just because he doesn't care doesn't mean someone won't. Learn your worth and keep your values and expectations high, that's the only way you will attract value into your life.
[–]Substantial-Win-7612FDS Newbie 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay I feel a little bit better😂
[–]angelcake893FDS Apprentice 78 points79 points80 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If he wanted to he would! 📣👏🗣️
[–]Apricot_IbexFDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Guys who are genuinely interested are falling all over themselves to talk to, be with, and do things for the woman they love. They will cross oceans to be with her. And it’s not temporary faking to lure her in for lousy sex and narcissistic supply. It’s a sustained effort. “Negging” is for zero effort, unattractive (both physically and mentally) personality-disordered men.
[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice 63 points64 points65 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Until you say "see ya" and mean it and suddenly they're clinging to your windowsill howling "I will seek vengeance!"
"What is personality disorder?" for $300.
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh yes, but you keep on keeping on, because trauma bonding is a real thing!
[–]Acceptable-Respond54FDS Newbie 62 points63 points64 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And this is no reflection on your worth
[–]The-Wind-May-BlowFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you I needed to read this right now:)
[–]hussy_trashFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Needed to hear it today. Thanks love!
[–]galian84FDS Apprentice 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I read this back in my pickme/man-chaser days (cringe). I always thought if he didn’t want me, I could just chase him harder 🤡 having pickme friends didn’t help, either...
Remember, if people want to, they will. Especially men.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
50000% true
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[–]Substantial-Win-7612FDS Newbie 339 points340 points341 points (25 children) | Copy Link
[–]msromperstomperFDS Apprentice 120 points121 points122 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Confection_EfficientFDS Newbie 23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]r4nd0m-u53r204 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]witchingsauce 48 points49 points50 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jenneke-gotenbergFDS Newbie 70 points71 points72 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 27 points28 points29 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Platipus6FDS Disciple 35 points36 points37 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bunsmoriaFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie 103 points104 points105 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]DifferentBar6 21 points22 points23 points
(0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FireflySky86FDS Newbie 21 points22 points23 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial-Win-7612FDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]achelois_healerFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 123 points124 points125 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 142 points143 points144 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial-Win-7612FDS Newbie 30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]angelcake893FDS Apprentice 78 points79 points80 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Apricot_IbexFDS Newbie 49 points50 points51 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice 63 points64 points65 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Acceptable-Respond54FDS Newbie 62 points63 points64 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]The-Wind-May-BlowFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hussy_trashFDS Newbie 19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]galian84FDS Apprentice 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link