Trust me when I say... they do not change. Marriage will not change them, having children will not change them. I was 23 when I got married, 24 when I had my son... I was way too young and immature but even before the wedding- I wanted to call it off. The day of the wedding, I wanted to call it off. The next morning, I cried my eyes out. He was 5 years older than me and super religious/controlling/passive aggressive.

Being with him for 5 years was the most stressful time of my life full of emotional abuse and gaslighting... and literally him insisting and bullying me into listening to him and “obeying” him about everything... so many bad life choices that left me and my son basically homeless multiple times... it ended with me with severe health issues from stress, bankrupt from him racking up debt in my name, and with the full burden of raising a child. He was looking at porn, looking up google searches of “maximum amount of time for rape”, on dating websites, lying to me, screaming at me in front of my child, drinking heavily and lying about it, drinking and driving in our only family vehicle, telling me he wanted to drive all of us off a bridge, constantly belittling me, not letting me read books, etc... this is a short list.

I left him 5 years ago but the scars of that remain. I’m trying to “catch up” still financially and physically. Can I ever trust a man again? Lol Idk about that.

Thankfully I am a HUGE faker. Most people have no idea about this part of my life. They know I’m a single mom but I don’t talk about any of this because out of privacy and respect for my child.

I’m not going to badmouth my sons father to my son- not now or later. If he asks me the truth later when he’s an adult, I will tell him the truth. But I grew up with parents badmouthing one another and I will never be that person because I never want my child to have to “choose” his loyalty or to feel torn. Sorry, not an option for me.

Also, I fake everything and I keep fucking going because with a smile that is who I am. I don’t show my scars or pain because I’m not a victim and because if I get in that headspace, I can’t function for the better future of me and my child.

But god damn, days are hard, shit is lonely, pain is real.

SO TRUST ME WHEN I SAY: DO NOT IGNORE YOUR INTUITION. DO NOT GO THIS PATH. CHOOSE A HIGH VALUE MATE. IF YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, LEAVE SOONER THAN LATER. DONT PROCREATE WITH LOW VALUE MEN! YOU CANNOT AND WILL NOT CHANGE HIM.... you’ll only make life 28838482739372737x more difficult and painful for yourself.