You've heard it before from the pickmes You've had to encounter. You've probably even seen one of those lines in some cutesy font circulating around social media "no expectations, no disappointments".

Pickmes love to say these sort of things they think it is a magic cure all to dodge Low effort and that they'll stop getting hurt from it this way. Worse yet, is when they push that mentality onto you. The bar is staying in hell for many reasons, but this no expectations thing is a huge part of it.

Expectations are normal and healthy and valid. You SHOULD have expectations just like you need to know what your boundaries very clearly are before you start dating. At a job you are expected to be punctual, cooperate, be professional, attentive, clean and dressed appropriately. Even at the store you are expected to behave and stand in line and pay. Dating is no different other than it should be even more important as you're picking a partner to share your life with and maybe even have kids with. It is a big decision and just like how more prestigious jobs often have more responsibilities and more expectations, dating should have expectations so a relationship can unfold in a healthy manner.

We already have posts on HVM traits and the bare minimum standards and vetting. But you should also think about or even write down your expectations for dating. Look at how you treat your friends and family members you are close with too.

What you truly expect in a partner is often a reflection of your own self esteem as well as how you would treat others. You deserve to have a partner that treats you in at least a similar way to how you would treat the people you love and care about, but he should be treating you even better than that. Partners that have similar viewpoints (including how they treat others) have a higher compatibility and chances of lasting long term.

Pickmes think that no expectations will safeguard them from disappointment and even heartbreak, when really it allows scrotes to get a pass for their low effort behavior and allows then to lower it even further. You will be devastated after taking so much of the no effort. Expectations allow you to recognize more fully how you want to be treated.

There's a saying called "you teach people how to treat you" and really it's showing that when you have standards, boundaries, and expectations that they either need to be able to step up or step out. A lvm will quickly be warded off when he realizes this. It also signals though to hvm that you are ready for a high value relationship. It shows him you're secure in yourself, won't settle... and he will be worried he will loose you so watch how he will consistently be making an effort on you.

If anyone ever tells me "stop expecting so much" im gonna flip it around and be like "stop expecting nothing. You are worth so much more than that!" Start changing the narrative.