Her BF slaps her face too hard while having sex and watching porn. He invalidates her pain by making it a philosophical argument on logic

CorruptSoulGem · 2020-06-10T18:10:57+00:00

Abusers gonna abuse. This is so clear cut and she’s STILL trying to put the puzzle together.

There’s no “philosophical” discussion or arguments that could justify this behaviour.

He’s a tiny little man on a power trip and that’s all.

Maisiebr · 2020-06-10T18:14:25+00:00

This is why it matters that he's using two(!) kinds of power imbalance. No 21 year old undergrad has a business of being with a man who's basically on an extended power trip. Poor girl being gaslighted on being hurt.

radical__daphne · 2020-06-10T18:56:59+00:00

I've heard so many women say that philosophy scrotes are the worst kind.

bananamilk58 · 2020-06-10T18:37:56+00:00

Saw this earlier. Was too upset to comment. I can’t believe these women keep making excuses to stay with these shit men. It’s depressing.

TERFSareawesome · 2020-06-10T20:51:53+00:00

First mistake is: TELLING A MAN IT'S OKAY TO HIT YOU IN THE FACE

Seriously, am I drinking crazy juice? Who TF would be like "Sure you can punch me!" I mean...do these people not have a survival instinct?

I get that she's been brainwashed into thinking that "it's normal, it happens all the time in porn" and "He's not gonna do it hard" but it's like... do you not have critical thinking? Why would you GIVE PERMISSION FOR SOMEONE TO COMMIT VIOLENCE AGAINST YOU? Why would you even continue dating a man after he expresses a desire to hit/hurt you?

It's so sad to see, that our entire culture of girls have had this pushed on them to the point where this is what you get. I really wish they would wake up and see what's going on!

thedrunkcuteblonde · 2020-06-10T18:16:14+00:00

Exhibit A of why a man in his 30s would be interested in a woman in her early 20s. In a few years chances are she wouldn’t even question her feelings on this matter. Sorry for anyone who’s reading that and feels personally attacked but it’s true. I’ve met/dated these guys at her age, and let me tell you, hindsight sure is 20/20.

I’m 31 now. I have guys who are in their mid 40s-50s interested me. I have been dating one for the past month, thinking at my age an age difference doesn’t make a difference. I mean, I’m clearly an adult, the 46 year old would not feel like they have caught some young thing. Mmmm, not entirely true. I’m starting to notice some things I won’t be able to overlook. But the 33 year old I’m also seeing will most likely be my pick because we mesh so much better. And I attribute that a lot to our ages.

Any woman in her early 20s reading this: please always assess why a man is with. Actually, all women please do this.

theawkwardalli · 2020-06-10T18:06:43+00:00

Full text below:

My (21F) bf (34M) justifies his reasoning capabilities by stating that he was a TA for a logic class, invalidating any criticism I make of him

Last night during sex he tried (with my full consent and approval) to slap me in the face. It was the first time we were trying it, and we were watching a porno alongside, mimicking their acts/techniques. He ended up slapping three times, each time being too hard for me but I didn’t really stop him(only kind of grabbed his arm to restrain it from hitting too hard again) Anyway, I got a headache and felt like my nose was going to bleed. We stopped because I told him to wait so we could continue watching the video.

Later at night I told him that he was hitting my head instead of slapping/he was going way harder than the guy in the porno. Immediately my bf denies what I say, insisting he was going lighter... then I say “I have a headache and I felt like my nose was going to bleed” and he says “no I was going light”. I said “your light is my heavy, it hurts”. After a little back and forth he says “hmm, maybe I hit too back on your head instead of just the front part of your face, that’s why”. I say “I don’t care that you hit me, it was your first time, you didn’t know, but why do you just deny my physical pain when I tell you about it? It’s equivalent to calling me a liar, why can’t you think a little then make a judgement?” He goes mostly silent and tries to kiss me etc but I’m crying in bed just overwhelmed with this personality trait of his: he is always fixated on being in the right. I told him I think if he was so driven to seek truth, he would think before he makes judgement. He says “I do think, that’s why I trust myself” I tell him I think he has poor judgement overall and his reason is not always sound, to which he replies “do you know I’ve taught a logic class? All my students received good grades”

The conversation ends there, because he’s made this argument before to justify his capabilities to reason. I feel like shit, he does this to me every time he’s insistent about being right. He’s a research scientist and I’m only a philosophy undergrad, so he often uses an argument about his academic expertise or his life expertise.

Is what he did wrong? Am I crazy to think that he’s utterly wrong to thing that his qualifications make him a fully rational person?

TL;DR : my bf uses his academic expertise to prove that he has good reasoning capabilities, insinuating that it’s seldom for him to have lapse in judgement. He uses this method in almost every circumstance, and in this case, as retaliation toward me making a subjective statement (that he caused physical pain to me)

DoeEyedBrownSkin · 2020-06-11T00:01:58+00:00

Scrolled back up to see their ages.

21f, 34m. Enough said.

LadyGrimes · 2020-06-10T21:01:33+00:00

If a man hits you in the face then kick or hit him in the nuts and see how he likes pain. I guarantee there's no fucking justification he'll make then.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-06-10T20:14:47+00:00

This was like when my mother told me I was screaming cause I was scared the door was going to hit me, after swinging the door open and threatening to slap me, lunging her arm at me, and screaming. Called me “crazy” for screaming, then said “it was the door” (started defining my reality and re-writing history.)

I’ve had my father sexualize my leg and objectify me repeatedly, after getting bit by a dog that he didn’t say was “that bad.”

They will do anything to to evade their behavior so they can continue doing it and because they view your existence as servitude to them. It is getting off on acting out traumas onto someone else. If they downplay your pain then they aren’t really that bad for abusing you. It’s not them, it’s you, and you better get them to believe that too.

Controlling someone’s reality by devaluing it, re-writing it and declaring it as if you have a superior awareness to the other person’s reality, is a very sinister and sick control tactic. He’s hitting her, and defining her reality about her pain so it becomes a “misunderstanding” and a matter of perception.

HoneyBouquet · 2020-06-10T19:52:05+00:00

I threw up in my mouth. Disgusting loser of a man.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-06-10T21:56:11+00:00

Oh my god. He's a fucking psycho asshole. Leave before he strangles you under the pretense of passion.

2020-06-11T00:43:47+00:00

[deleted]

Gaki-fan-too · 2020-06-10T23:34:17+00:00

That age gap, tho.

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-06-11T04:59:24+00:00

Bonus: this man also ignores OP if she is not physically with him (e.g. only responds on his gaming streamer chat), compares her to his favorite porn star, and asks her to change her hair/wear contacts. She even blamed herself for not being "interested" enough for him to put down the video game and talk to her when they're apart. Any one of these things alone is grounds to run for the hills. I can imagine a bunch of other behaviors/character traits exist indicating his controlling nature and lack of respect. All of these things are related!

/u/eienno13 , please call LoveisRespect.org or TheHotline.org. it sounds like this man has been psychologically/physically abusing you, and neglecting your reasonable needs.

I strongly urge you not to discuss this with him if possible. I would recommend acting "pleasant' with him and secretly plan an escape with the professional organizations I listed above. I sincerely believe your life is in danger, as this is no way to live. Even if he was "perfect" and polite, you still have the right to leave for any reason. Your life is so valuable, and you do not earn any "points" for tolerance enduring this nonsense. He can help himself but he doesn't want to. He is actively taking away from your life. Don't listen to comments blaming you. Please take these words to heart-- you deserve loving, nurturing, and healthy relationships ❤

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-06-10T18:11:24+00:00

I refuse to believe this is real. I just can't.

Adawritesrules · 2020-06-11T02:56:51+00:00

u/eienno13 please come here and seek advice here. And start reading all the posts. We all start somewhere. You are welcome here.

You will be safe here, and safe in real life for having come here and reading the posts.

spicybookmaster · 2020-06-11T04:36:05+00:00

Age gap 🤮

chungkingxbricks · 2020-06-11T15:22:30+00:00

Dump any guy or friend who can’t take criticism when they’re wrong. That extra stress will cause too many headaches. Not worth it. Believe me, I know :/

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buzzkillyall · 2020-06-10T23:20:47+00:00

"I repeat what I see in porn movies because Im a good sheep" 🙄 another help less fool. So much wasted space on this planet.

Title	Her BF slaps her face too hard while having sex and watching porn. He invalidates her pain by making it a philosophical argument on logic
Author	theawkwardalli
Upvotes	141
Comments	48
Date	June 10, 2020 6:04 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/h0gcqs/her_bf_slaps_her_face_too_hard_while_having_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/her-bf-slaps-her-face-too-hard-while-having-sex.691874 https://theredarchive.com/post/691874

Comments

Scrolled back up to see their ages.

21f, 34m. Enough said.