How do you comfort yourself after a break up?

Sage_Planter · 2021-11-22T17:19:58+00:00

It's so cheesy, but after every break up since my teens, I've read "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." The book's advice is pretty "well, duh," but at this point, it's like comfort food for me.

call_me_elle · 2021-11-22T16:34:16+00:00

Reading (but books without any romance) and spending a lot of time with friends

Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2021-11-22T17:10:59+00:00

Sauna, spa, salon, beach/nature, gym, swimming, dancing, art, online classes, nutrition, etc. I’m really into somatic self-care, and making my body feel good.

I find that coping by way of dissociating or disconnecting from my body (drinking, drugs, compulsive eating/TV, letting myself go and being in sweats all day) is bad for my mental health and/or downright dangerous.

AnniaT · 2021-11-22T17:37:34+00:00

I regret now not having done this when I had breakups but I now thing the best way of coping is setting a goal and work on it. It can be learning new skills, focus on studying, a project or simply a through out house clean, a training goal or something that was slacking or being delayed during the relationship. Other than that travelling, self care and reading are also great. Also I'm a fan of blocking and deleting exes even if the break up was amicable so that it's easier to move on with no urges to snoop on their social media or contacting them.

mynameisrominka · 2021-11-22T20:23:10+00:00

Up until the last one, for me every break up lead up to a glow up, without even thinking. Didn't matter whether they left or I left, I always found myself feeling lighter, happier, afterwards.

The last one should have been the same, because he put me through love bombing, manipulation, gaslighting... And I didn't have a name for all of that. I went straight down to hell. Depression, anxiety, ptsd. 2 years later, I start to see the light and to see it for what it is. What saved me is that at the time I was dealing with all this I had already discovered FDS, which helped me put names to the abuse, made me realize I was not being unreasonable or mad, sad and crazy out of the blue, and also made me realize I ended up in a very deep emotional hole and I would better seek help to dig myself out.

Today I can say that I don't cry myself to sleep since a couple of months ago. And I no longer wish I was still with him (even though I dumped him, all of the times. Imagine the levels of disrespect you have to achieve to make a person who is utterly in love with the iimage of yourself that you sold them duump you against their will) I feel disgusted to think of everything I gave this worm who used me and would throw anyone under the bus so he doesn't have to tell the truth of what he has done and face the consequences.

The red flags where there from the beginning but I had no clue what they were. FDS taught me how to read them although it was too late.

But at least I'm still here. And I win.

therewillbedrama · 2021-11-22T18:40:49+00:00

In the immediate aftermath when I’m feeling awful I watch a really sad movie, something that I can just have a good cry over (sometimes you gotta, even when you know the breakup had to happen) and also something that will put my feelings into perspective: ‘There’s war and corruption and children dying out there, and you’re here crying over some guy who barely made you cum in 6 months. Seriously?’

Then I just focus on me, doing things that are healthy and make me happy and feel like I’m growing

edwardianemerald · 2021-11-22T17:12:39+00:00

Don't drink / do drugs / look for a hookup etc. Spend intensive time on yourself, journal, reflect, pray, learn a new skill, take a class you've been eying, spend time with friends, try a new recipe. Break into new fields, don't focus on the past.

Serious_Papaya8615 · 2021-11-22T20:36:19+00:00

I always make sure to stay away from things that would make me feel even worse - sad, romantic songs, romance books/movies, sometimes even certain social media content. I like to keep myself busy and especially SOCIAL. That always helped me a lot. Whether it was talking to my family or to friends, it helped a lot. Also playing joyous songs and just engaging with positive content. ❤️

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-11-23T01:26:05+00:00

Read the FDS handbook! Seriously! It cheers me up anyway.

I'd say hanging out with your friends or close family members is another thing...that way you can focus on a healthy loving relationship that isn't romantic.

Maybe hug your nearest dog!

ninefiveoneone · 2021-11-22T18:50:51+00:00

The most healing for me is to take some time in nature without any distractions. If you’re able to get away for a week or weekend to a cabin or a beach or somewhere like that, do it! Make sure you won’t have cell service or turn off your phone if you do. Bring some books you love and maybe a hobby (painting, knitting, etc) and then otherwise spend the time walking and enjoying the outdoors. It will clear your head and put life in perspective.

If you can’t do that much then spend a half day on a hike or in a park doing the same. Turn off your phone and just connect to the world around you. Bring a journal to write in also

GlitteryMoss · 2021-11-22T17:12:14+00:00

I get busy! Busy with hobbies, books, anything social, whatever it is, I get a jam packed schedule.

Plans with friends, rearranging the house, learning to cook something, try something new (new dance, new class, new museum, workout, new nail polish, whatever). I avoid going on dates, I use this time for me and myself, and maybe friends too. If you can, going on a trip away from your city/town is a good way to come back refreshed. Watching movies I had on my list but never watched is also an option.

Pennsyltucky94 · 2021-11-24T04:00:17+00:00

Best advice on this was from a college professor (a woman) who I worked with obv on campus, as well as off campus with her family. She told me you have to “get it out”. You have to feel your feelings, because they’re valid, and you need to grieve. And if that means sitting on your kitchen floor, eating Ben and Jerry’s at 2 am, crying... then that’s what you do, until it goes away.

And honestly? I follow that advice to a fault now. And people wonder how I “get over things” so quickly. “I empty it out!”. Lol. If I’m mad, I give myself an appropriate space to let myself be mad. Yell into a pillow, journal it out, allow myself to feel it. If I’m hurt, I allow myself to cry, and feel it when appropriate, etc. You can’t bottle it up, and say “it’s okay”, because it’s not, and you’re not getting anything out of your body.

I hope this helps. (:

Title	How do you comfort yourself after a break up?
Author	iliaxaz
Upvotes	115
Comments	21
Date	November 22, 2021 4:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qzos0c/how_do_you_comfort_yourself_after_a_break_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-comfort-yourself-after-a-break-up.1087158 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087158

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