Learned this the hard way.

AshaStars · 2020-09-01T22:42:42+00:00

Definitely true and is confirmed in Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That (which all girls should read). Anger management is pretty much never the real issue, since he controls his anger around everyone else. It's entitlement and immorality.

fim_de_semana · 2020-09-01T23:04:48+00:00

Also, if he can control his temperament when talking to his boss at work but not to you, it means he can control himself if he’s talking to someone he respects.

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-09-01T23:18:38+00:00

Knowledge is power. If this resonates with you for any reason, please give yourself grace rather than feeling shame for you know better now. You didn't know until you knew but now you'll do better because you have the tools and support to better vet who you allow in your world as an empowered Queen. <3

suspended_animation_ · 2020-09-01T23:52:18+00:00

Covert narcissism

SlumberAddict · 2020-09-02T01:56:50+00:00

Wow. I don’t know why this never clicked for me. I just always assumed that I somehow pissed him off more than anyone ever could.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-09-02T00:47:45+00:00

Yes. This was the biggest takeaway for me from Lundy’s book. Abuse is a CHOICE.

MagpieMelon · 2020-09-02T08:05:38+00:00

Unfortunately my parents were the ones who did this to me and I learned it was normal. I spent my whole childhood upset but thinking I was just ungrateful and spoiled because my family was amazing to everyone on the outside.

It’s only in recent years that I realised it, and luckily I can be there for my younger sister so that she doesn’t end up like me.

softestbean · 2020-09-02T07:10:22+00:00

well... this just hit me like a ton of bricks. brb going to look at my ceiling for an hour or two.

Adawritesrules · 2020-09-02T02:44:17+00:00

[removed]

0kfornow · 2020-09-02T12:30:06+00:00

Nope coercive control was the issue with my ex. He is a narcissist and a misogynist,

NottodayScrote · 2020-09-02T13:19:12+00:00

Mine never hit me in public. He was wasnt afraid to go after me in front of his family because they'd take his side. His mom would continually butt in when I'd speak up for myself and tell me I needed to "keep mouth shut". His grandparents blamed my parents who didn't even live in the same state and had no clue what was going on

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-09-02T05:21:40+00:00

I pointed this out to my ex once- that he never seemed to lose his shit on his friends or coworkers. In fact, he was more polite to complete strangers. He thought about that for a moment then turned it all around on me. He said it was merely proof how I am so terrible and am the “only person who could make him so mad.” (If not for gaslighting, he couldn’t speak.) The moral is that we shouldn’t try to explain why their behavior is unacceptable. Logic is lost on them. The best thing you can do is GO.

Title	Learned this the hard way.
Author	lolumadbr0
Upvotes	1061
Comments	29
Date	September 1, 2020 8:57 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iksqni/learned_this_the_hard_way/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/learned-this-the-hard-way.172667 https://theredarchive.com/post/172667

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