Man Pens Important Message On How Anger Can Escalate Into Acts Of Domestic Violence

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-07-17T15:58:53+00:00

Lundy Bancroft works with men accused/convicted of domestic violence and says that it’s incredibly rare for a man to actually reform.

Honestly, I’m not buying what this dude is selling. Abusers just get better at hiding it. My ex talked A LOT about women’s rights and still abused me, his ex, I’m sure many more women.

What he’s saying about abuse isn’t wrong. And I guess it’s good we have a man saying it? But I 100% wouldn’t trust him.

Strict_Leopard1707 · 2021-07-17T17:20:00+00:00

Perpetuating the myth that "good men can commit domestic violence too" is so dangerous.

NO.

I'm sure many of us here have read Lundy Bancroft's book which makes it clear that abusers don't change, and abusive men will always be abusive. The false narrative that an abuser can be a "good guy who just can't control his temper sometimes" keeps so many women in abusive relationships because they believe and hope that he will change. An abusive man is NEVER a good man.

I'm pretty skeptical that this guy is trying to be helpful, but either way this message is harmful and it's sad that it's getting media attention.

Carbonatite · 2021-07-17T17:22:37+00:00

This happened with my ex.

I told the divorce lawyer about it, characterizing it as "possibly mild domestic violence". He'd broken shit, punched holes in things, threatened himself, accidentally hurt me a few times in rages. But because he never straight up punched me, I wasn't sure it "counted" as DV.

I'll never forget what the lawyer told me. "That's more like moderate to severe domestic violence in my opinion. And it's good you got out when you did, because it never gets better. There's a lot of dead women out there who assumed things would "probably be okay" with someone like that."

whitecherriez · 2021-07-17T17:25:04+00:00

This is really just some abusive man playing with semantics. Was he mandated to write something like this for a court-appointed community service or something? We should always be extremely skeptical about information that comes from people who are criminals - they have no incentive to tell the truth about their behavior and motivations.

catlady4u · 2021-07-17T15:04:55+00:00

My last NVex threw a mental fit on our third 'date' (not directed at me) which I immediately knew was a deal breaker, but I stayed out of fear. Had I known about FDS before I met him, he never would have passed the earliest vetting.

Averyhvw · 2021-07-17T17:30:26+00:00

I think the way he’s wording it most beneficial to men, so they’ll realize they’re not being macho by breaking shit in anger. They’re just rewarding their anger with cathartic violence that will eventually be aimed at the other “objects” in their orbit (wife and kids).

It’s a harder sell to say, you like violence? Your an abuser.

Maybe this will work. I like that he says we need to end the myth of the “good man,” because every man is only 100 incremental changes away from being an abusive or bad man. That’s also an important message.

Edit: or am I totally wrong? Is this absolving men because deep down they’re all “bad”? Is he actually giving abusers more knowledge on how not to lead on they’re abusive? Maybe now they won’t punch holes in walls but will escalate to bigger things like beating or murdering their partners?

We need a resident DV expert here at FDS! Anyone more knowledgeable on this that can help?

BasketLow8411 · 2021-07-17T17:52:30+00:00

Like many here, I am skeptical. It’s also because of Bancroft’s book. Abusive behaviors are not an “anger management” problem, they are an ABUSE problem. In which, a man believes he is justified in breaking things and intimidating his partner because of his beliefs about women and how they should be. 100% believe that he wouldn’t break things or punch a wall in public. That is abuse, not anger management.

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Title	Man Pens Important Message On How Anger Can Escalate Into Acts Of Domestic Violence
Author	Love_Artemis
Upvotes	51
Comments	22
Date	July 17, 2021 2:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/om5c2d/man_pens_important_message_on_how_anger_can/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/man-pens-important-message-on-how-anger-can.792857 https://theredarchive.com/post/792857

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